In 2012 ,I was invited to be a member of a panel at a Christian singles conference. After speaking about living a purposeful life, and remaining pure in singleness, the topic of marriage invariably came up. A woman stood up and started pouring out her heart about how she desired a husband. How she was in her late thirties and did not want to be alone anymore. She said that she was on the verge of ‘settling’!
In an attempt to comfort her, an older woman whom we will call Sarah stood up and proclaimed that she was single at 60 AND had never married. Sarah started to encourage the younger lady. She said, look at me, I am 60 and not married but I will not settle. I want what God wants for me and will not settle for less. I have had many counterfeit men come into my life. Sarah then went ahead and started to rattle off about the men that had been potential suitors and what was wrong with them. As she spoke, somethings that seemingly escaped her started to become clear to those of us on the panel. She was to blame for being single at 60.
Here are some of the things we realized about Sarah that kept her single
Sarah wanted Jesus…not a disciple of Jesus…but Jesus Himself
Many women, like Sarah are looking for the perfect mate. They want someone who is going to complete them and be their everything! If this is you, then my question to you is this: If a man completes you and becomes your everything, then what position is Jesus taking in your life? Jesus is the one that completes you and is meant to be your everything. So, to look for completeness in a man is to make that man an idol in your life, it is to have put man above God! This will only lead to ruin because no man is perfect! Try as he might, he will disappoint you! So stop looking for someone who will not disappoint you over the lifetime you wish to be married…you will not find it. Even you, yes you…have and still disappoint many people…whether you realize it or not…whether you meant it or not. Instead of looking for perfection, look for someone who is striving towards perfection. This is a person that loves God and does not want to be conformed to the world but whose life’s purpose is to be transformed into the image of Jesus.
As my mom says, if you meet a person who is perfect, run away, for you will make imperfect whatever is making that person seem perfect.
Sarah saw herself as a princess, but she did not care to prince her man
There are many women who see themselves as awesome and incredible royalty. Many women say, I want to be treated like a princess! The issue is that they do not want their man to be a prince. They do not want to share any power or give up any control. Instead, they want their partners to take the position of a slave while treating them like a princess. The reason many women cannot let go of control is because of fear – perhaps due to not dealing with the hurts of past relationships. The moment the man does not give her the power she craves, she takes it as he not treating her like a princess and so searches for greener pastures. Conversely, many men see that while they are giving all they have, the woman is not following suit! Many women think that this is part of being pursued; many men simply see it as being disrespectful.
As a princess, you have to make sure you prince your man. Compliment him and let him know that you appreciate that he is being led by the King. Let go of the control. Taking a chance at love means you take a chance with your heart. This is because only the heart can feel love, not your head.
Sarah liked being pursued but did not want to be caught
In the bible, the servant of Abraham went to a land far away in pursuit of a wife for Isaac. When he got there, it was Rebekah that came to the well. When he approached, she did not play games and dilly-dally. No, she said that she would not wait as her family had requested but would follow Eliezer immediately back to Isaac. When Boaz pursued Ruth, Ruth decided to show her interest by laying at his feet. See, both Rebekah and Ruth showed interest. They did not play games or play hard to get.
Ladies, if a prince has found you, then admit it and go forward as long as you have God’s blessing. I am not saying be easy, but at the same time, do not be hard to get. Just as you are a gift to him, he is also a gift to you! If a man is pursing you, do not run him away with games.
Sarah was way too picky
Sarah did not want God to decide whom she should marry but decided on who she wanted to marry. In essence, she said: God, forget about who you desire for me, this is the person I want to marry…now make it happen! It was no longer God’s will for her life but her will for her life!
But does God not want to give us the desires of our heart? Yes…as long as it glorifies God. In fact, the scripture says: delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you your heart’s desires. As you delight yourself in the Lord, you will find that His desires become your desire…thus your desire will glorify God!
You must believe right now that what God wants for you is better than what you could ever want for yourself in the long run. If he is not giving you your hearts desires, it may be because you are not ready to handle your heart’s desire. It may be because what you desire is not desirable!
Sarah wanted Boaz but wanted to remain a Delilah
Do not be like Sarah! Every potential suitor she met had some flaw that was fatal. One could not provide. Another could provide but was not attractive enough. A third was attractive and could provide but did not pay her enough attention. Yet, another paid her too much attention. She forgot that she was filled with flaws herself! She was so busy finding fault with everyone that she had no time to look at herself. She was so busy trying to find the speck in someone else’ life that she forgot that the log in her eyes was blinding her vision of the truth about herself. The truth that just like everyone else, she is imperfect and needs a savior as well!
Sarah could not understand why the one’s she thought were ‘perfect’ for her were not interested. Sarah, perhaps it is because they are not willing to ‘settle’ either.
I thank God that he did not wait for us to be perfect but settled for us. He wants us to settle for nothing less than Himself. This means that we have to take the reins off our own lives and surrender completely to His will. It seemed that Joseph settled for Mary when He married a pregnant girl…but He became immortalized in history because of it. Are you willing to settle for God’s best for you?
Food for Thought: Maybe I cannot find Mr.Right because I am wrong in the way I see relationships
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SuperChamp 
Wow. This is so good. I think often times in the name of “not settling” many women have missed some incredible opportunities to be with a man who would have been a blessing in their life if only they stopped waiting for a perfect Prince Charming/Mr. Darcy/Mr. Right to come. Thank you for sharing this!
Hi there super champ. I’m a guy and I’m just finishing my coffee. that last sip always runs down my cheeks and as per my ways I found the closest napkin –my shirt.
I’ll shoot straight and try not to be too retarded.
As I look over the blog here I see words like “christian singles conference” and “delight yourself in the L-rd” “his will”. I tend to be prejudiced against the use these statements unless they are the content itself. It seems to be used as a sweetener. My church is currently willing to charge me a hundred dollars to take a course on frugal spending. umm.. hehehehe. I sometimes find the labeling of church stuff to be a bit posh, it just reminded me of “god-centered finances” lol our church has going on.
I agree with you characterizations of some women, or you may prefer to think of them as archetypes or hypotheticals…. potential women 🙂
I included the bit about the coffee so as to reveal I am not the teetotaling type. But I do live in Georgia, a rather agrarian part of georgia, with significant pockets of ultra conservative teetotaling types. And by teetotaling I’m not just talking alcohol, but… idk.. people who define themselves by the things they don’t do. is maybe the best way to put it.
There is a point to all this nonsense I’m typing. I saw where you said “complete” and “become my everything” to the exclusion of Jesus. I hear people bicker over terms a good bit, like “church isn’t place”, or in response to “how are you doing?”: “Do you really want to know?” which some churches will go on to address the generally uncaring qualities of the world and even their congregants, prodding them to establish deeper more meaningful relationships.
And that’s all good and all, but church is a place. Church is just a word, if we define that sound or constellation of letters as a place we have that right. Right? We can’t redefine meanings as other meanings, but we can assign placeholders (words) with whatever meanings we wish. Instead implying that canons of language have the ability to govern, they should probably just be a little more direct and say what they really want to say which is that christianity is about more than just sunday.
Or the colloquialism “Hi, how are you?”. This can be a question or a statement depending on intent and inflection. People who reply “Do you really want to know?” are saying more about their own state of alienation than the other person’s sincerity. The phrase means exactly what the speaker intended it to mean, no more or less. Now you didn’t mention these two things, but they have to do with errors regarding language and intent.
Leading to this: People who say that the other person will “complete” them do not usually really believe this. Or if they do believe it, it is in some qualified way (this does not mean that the terms are not indicative of dysfunction). Most people go on to have at least a friend or two, so this “completion” is not to the exclusion of all other social contact. (and presumably not Jesus, at least automatically) While many people do have unhealthy expectations of their partners, it should be understood that these words are hyperbolic, even if consciously believed because the way the majority of people live their lives technically contradicts these terms that people like to use.. “complete”, “my everything”. Practically speaking these words are used either to soothe (what some people would call romantic), or to justify entitlement to something.
I don’t disagree that people can love their partners more than Jesus, I only disagree that the language people use to describe their relationship is not by itself necessarily proof that Jesus has been excluded.
This may seem trivial but it is prevalent in churches, and used to gain jurisdiction of many parts of a person’s life. I guess it is bound to be because church revolves around giving speeches, or sermons. And I’m a guy who meditates and one of the primary objections that I’ve come across to my practice is based on trick of language where “emptying the mind” can apparently leave room for entry by a malevolent spirit. Its an odd concept really, to empty the mind. Presumably this happens every night when most of us becomes unconscious for eight or so hours. And these folks presumably remain uninhabited by evil spirits after they wake up from sleep.
Language.
Peace
hi, if you think a mans relationship with Jesus is less important than a relationship he has with you, you are incorrect, i am married and I have become more absorbed with Jesus than m y husband, when we first married it was awseome. but it has grown stale. But God is working still i believe,
Or you could simply say “I don’t agree with how this article is worded” instead of trying make yourself look so intelligent by writing an essay that makes no fucking sense… except the last word
Lol…so what’s your point exactly?
So, I read this article again and your comment as well. I scroll down and find I have replied to your comment which means I’ve been here and read the article and your comment but strangely neither rings a bell.
My feelings about your comment this time is different. Still find it unnecessary as a comment on this post but I think it’s an interesting enough case you make there. I’d like to engage in conversations like this else where. You seem like an interesting person. Feel free to shoot me an email; logoh.selorm@gmail.com
What are you talking about?
I agree, and after reading this article I have some repentance to do. I’m glad Holy Spirit was so gentle about letting me know this and let go of pride and selfishness and be more like Him.
“i am married and I have become more absorbed with Jesus than my husband”
You are disgusting and the very PROOF of why western women can never be Christian wives to MEN, with their sick demented fake angel mentalities.
to janice GODS order is for the man to be the head of woman and christ the head of man and GOD the head of christ without your husband you would have a whole new set of problems as you honor your husband position you honer christ if you rise up above your husband and think you are the head of the houshold its rebellion and can lead to entry point for satan eg jezabel spirit
to janice so sad to here that.! GOD is the head of christ christ is the head of man man is the head of woman this is important AS GOD sees the husband as the head not you as you carnt usurp the role
GOD DOES SAY THERE IS TO ORDER IN MARRIAGE RELATIONSHIPS AS THERE IS IN THE GODHEAD THATS WHY HE SAYS IN HIS WORD GOD IS HEAD OF MAN CHRIST IS THE HEAD OF MAN MAN IS HEAD OF WOMAN WHEN WOMEN GO AGAINST GODS WORD AND BECOME THE HEAD OF A MARRIAGE IT GOES OUT OF GODS ORDER HENCE CHAOS AND JEZABEL TAKES OVER .GOD SAYS REBELLION IS AS WITCH CRAFT THIS IS THE SPIRIT AT WORK IN TODAYS WOMEN IN CHURCH AS THE DO AS THEY PLEASE AND DONT FALL IN LINE TO SCRIPTURE AS THEY HAVE DIFFRENT BIBLE AND HAVE RE WROTE GENESIS MEN WERE CREATED FIRST AND WOMEN AS HELP MEET
Men have always used the bible to use women to assert what they believe is their authority… Authority is as authority serves. Mathew 20:28 “I have not come to the world to be served BUT TO SERVE.” Men need to be willing to DIE for wives not go on and on about how superior they are… Christ NEVER did that and you are supposed to emulate that stupid. After reading some of these posts I relish my single status more than ever before, thank you for securing it.
Shame on you Miriam for worshiping Christ! Very unchristian of you. Lol.
The men here think they’re God and want to be worshiped. Emperor worship is wrong though Paul said we should honor the emperor, princes, and governors. If you think you should be worshiped by other people you’re turning your own ego into an idol and acting like Caesar Nero.
My Dad has always been honored by Mom. He has the last word. Guess what? He knows he’s not God and doesn’t demand to be turned into an idol. If you men think you’re God and demand His place in anyone’s heart you are guilty of the sin of Lucifer himself.
Abigail was a righteous woman, but never worshiped Nabal. And I see a lot of Nabals commenting here.
There simply isn’t one right way to live for everybody. That’s what some people get into their heads. I am 60 and never married, and I don’t feel I owe anybody an explanation of why I am.
I don’t agree, why judging women wanting to remain single? for my part I am single at 35 and I’ve always been, I don’t plan to marry and I don’t plan to have any boyfriend, I tried once to have a boyfriend but I understood it is not for me, it’s not because I am looking for prince charming or want to be treated like a princess or anything, the only reason is because I am much happier being alone as I don’t need to have any sexual activity which I find worse than watching a horror movie and it makes me depressive to engage into any sexual activity…I don’t wish to make kids either, not because I don’t like kids as I love them but because as a believer in christ, I believe I am a sinner and so for this reason I don’t want my sinner genes to reproduce, there’s already too much sinner on earth. Why should it be a sin to be happy and perfectly fine as a single lady?
hi its not about looking for anybody but finding your place in the body doing GODS will its GOD who decides as you have been bought with the precious blood of christ .matt 19.20 eunches who made themselves eunches for the sake of the kingdom this is easier for some than others
1 CORINTHIANS 6.19 or do you know that your body is the temple of the holy spirit who is in you who you have from GOD AND THAT YOU ARE NOT YOUR OWN .
romans 8.12 so then brethren we are under obligation not to the flesh to live according to the flesh for if you are living according to the flesh you must die but if by the spirit you are putting to death the deeds of the body you will live for all who are being lead by the spirit of GOD these are sons of GOD read 7-8 chapters if you want as you can see more of the context rather than quoting a verse which can be misleading as the bible was never meant to be read like that it was originally on a scroll
we are complicated which can lead to us being decieved but ultimately are spirit is in the gut area bowls concave place .the witness of the spirit
I totally get what you are saying.there is no rule or law that mandates marriage.eap if you can live without the sexual activity then praise God.marriage is not for everyone.some of the big men in the bible werent married.paul even goes on to promote that fact.bein christian is about being kind loving and worshipin God…….married or unmarried
In fact, doesn’t Paul recommend celibacy, but if you must engage in sex, to do so within a marriage?
It seems that this command is more onerous for the men than for the women. We’ve got too much to do to spend time pursuing what’s between our legs.
As always, this is turning the scripture against the women. “Wives submit to your husbands” is not the same as “Women, submit to men, and lower your standards.”
What if your opportunities were 0?
Thank you Anna! Many of your posts have left me inspired as well. You are absolutely right! Unfortunately, most people who are seeking perfection are doing so out of fear (of being hurt). This fear grips and hardens the heart so that the heart rejects the very blessing that God has already poured out.
You have no idea what you are talking about. People are individuals. There are as many reasons for people not to get married as there are unmarried people. In honesty, anybody who remains single has chosen it, but refuses to admit it to himself or herself. There aren’t a lot of people who really had no choice at all unless it was due to disability or illness.
well 1 corithians 7. 34 says a unmarried women is concerned for the lords work loving jesus more than your dog
That is NOT true. I am a single Christian man and I cannot find a single Christian woman. That is why I am here in this site. I am a member of a free single Christian dating site and I can not find one, not even one Christian woman in the USA to talk to me. I know that it is NOT my looks, because I am a decent looking man. (Without boasting) Way above average looking. I take the word of GOD very serious and live my life to the best in His statutes. Christian women say they want a Godly man, but I really wonder. Is that really true? Why it was just the other day I over heard a Christian woman(I will just call her Jan) Talking to a nonbeliever (we will call Dan) that was paranoid schizophrenic (that hears voices all the time) he was going through some major issues that morning. He was hearing someone yelling at him that did not exist. Well he knew that she was a Christian so he went to her for advice. While he was telling her what was going on she stopped him and was giving herself glory. She was telling him things like she is going to heaven, all her sins are forgiven, and she BELITTLED men, men are worthless, things like that. It scared him. So he asked “Why are you so angry?” Stop….think for a moment. do see it. in Matthew 5:16 (16 In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.) SHE DID A VERY POOR JOB OF DOING THAT. So she left him with no prayer or anything that would lift him up. He was miserable. (WHAT A CHRISTIAN THING TO DO) It was ALL about her. She even tried me before. But I will not entertain it. And it is just not her, there is a lot of single Christian women that is like that out there. Most of the single Christian women think that they are better than there Christian men. If none of this was true, IF NONE OF THIS WAS TRUE!!!!! I would be happily married RIGHT NOW. So do not say that it is a CHOICE.
You are dead wrong Susan, I am a child of God( a full believer of Jesus Christ) and I am single, NOT BY CHOICE!!!!! The Christian women today are just to picky. I am a very nice guy,(a good boy type) with a good heart, I am an artist, Not bragging but kind of good looking, with a decent shaped body, I do not have a disability, I am very healthy, but there is one problem that I do have that single Christian women found with me, and that is that I am not Jesus Christ. And because of that, I have to remain single. I am being punished for not being perfect. It’s crazy. I joined a free Christian dating site and was on there for six months and I could not get one not even one Cristian women to talk to me in the United States Of America. The only ones that would talk to me was gold diggers from other countries. Now, the only reason that I came to this site in the first place is because there is something wrong with our Christian women today, PERIOD. So I was trying to see if I am the only single Christian man that is experiencing this issue. And I learned that I am not. THERE ARE MILLIONS OF SINGLE CHRISTIAN MEN IN THE U.S.A.THAT ARE GOING THROUGH THE SAME CRAP!!!!!!. SO DON”T SAY THAT WE CHOSE TO BE SINGLE.
Oh Henry…..i feel sad for you. You forget christians are still human.if i counted th times a christian guy broke my heart then i might as well be atheist. Plus as much as we dont admit it tgere are diff types of christians out ther….those who are biblical and those who are just traditional ones.lastly, there is more to dating than js a shared belief in God.so no, there are good christian men an women out there….u just havnt met yours…..
Plenty of disabled women Susan. We exist like it or not!
Henry, have you considered looking for dates offline? The odds are stacked against men on those. But look into local singles groups for Christians. Usually the girls outnumber the guys 3 to 1. Until they reach 30. Then it’s 20 to 1.
I wish you well. But please leave your bitterness behind. It will scare potential dates away. Forget the gold digging losers. I know a lot of nice Christian women in their early twenties waiting for their male counterparts to ask them out. Even ugly guys have a good chance if the girl is sweet and kind. Remember Beauty and the Beast?
SuperChamp what would you say to a single woman who thought because she found a man attractive he was OBLIGATED to ask her out? Silly of course. Just because you ask out an attractive woman does not obligate her to date you either.
If she turns you and other decent guys down for shallow reasons is she really such a worthy catch? Aren’t there other women you could ask?
If there are 3 girls for every guy in your church’s singles’ group why are you accusing the girls of pickiness? All you have to do is decide if you prefer blondes or gingers, snap your fingers and they’ll jump at you through desperation–if not attraction. That’s how it was when I was trying to find a husband.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts and experience.
The sixth reason why Christian women remain single is because men cannot stand the thought of not having sex till marriage…..a standard a Christian woman will not compromise on
Yes Pamela, no one should compromise on living a Christ centered and directed life no matter the cost. Your comment speaks to the need for more men to take their relationship with Christ seriously and become the spiritual leaders in our households.
I’ve heard the statement that men need to become the “spiritual leaders” in their family my whole life. However, no where in the Bible can I find a passage with that statement/meaning/reference.
Being the head of household? Yes, I’ve read that. But SPIRITUAL leaders…? Very interesting and enlightening subject to search out.
Thanks Lisa! I agree the men being spiritual leaders is not explicitly stated but it is implied in the bible. It is like the word ‘trinity’. It is not found in the bible but that does not make it false teaching. Funnily enough, the word ‘bible’ does not show up in the bible either! Whether the bible specifically talks of pursuing (different from looking for) a woman can also be debated.
Note that I do not oppose women leadership in any way shape or form. The true leader in any household should be God. If the man is to be the head of the household, he has to be led by Him to be any good.
Well I for one am a guy and I stick to my christian beliefs that sex comes after marriage. Yet many girls where I live will have sex with any guys especially guys with rap sheets. Its no wonder why where I live we have the highest domestic violence rate
“I do not oppose women leadership in any way shape or form”
Shameless unrepentant filthy feminist heretic. You reprobates will never repent will you, NOPE.
GOD is the head of man christ is the head man man is the head of woman because there has to be order as GOD isnt a god of disorder as women were created for men as a help meet as man was created first then woman if we fall in line with scripture we will be blessed on the other hand rebel and then faliure will come and no unity 1 cor chap 7 i would this carefully as we dont have to be married but pear pressure lust infatuation flirting cause much confusion in genuine love and there is much of it in the church and the jezebel spirt read derek princes book GOD IS the match maker then learn to fast and pray bless you
I agree with you Pamela. Not all guys these days are willing to wait till after marriage. Even some Christian men have fallen in this aspect. This leads me wondering how a Christian couple can withstand having sexual relationships if they have been together for long, apart from praying against such temptations.
It is possible- anything is possible with God! Two couples that I have known since 2010 have gotten married and had their first kiss as a “seal” of their vows at the end of the marriage ceremony. My first kiss was when I was 5 and it scared me to death!
God knowns our hearts and our hurts. I think the main thing is to encourage one another through prayer, accountability partners (mentors) and studying the word of God and praying both individually and together.
Yes i agree with you indeed. With people around us to be supporters and encouragers, it would make the journey much better albeit it wont be easy when temptations etc sets in.
Bolony, I have personally know handfuls of church going girls who date or dated non Christian as Christians and many have sex with them. It’s shocking how common it actually is.
There are many, maybe a tad more women who I think settle and compromise and date mom Christians and have sex. I’ve know many and dated a few who opened up about it. Is nut only guys!
where have you been living…I met plenty of christians throughout my life and they all had no problems with sex before marriage. And my opinion of them in no way diminishes because of this.
Most of us decided to follow Jesus because His opinion of us is, though humanly speaking undeserved, heavenly speaking awesome and we want to honour Him for that. The covenant picture He gives us of Him never leaving nor forsaking us belongs in marriage too. Until you really want to be married and commit to that marriage and have a marriage you are presuming upon His ways to play games. When we love Jesus it’s His opinion which matters most. If there was a better way He would have told us.
Good for you, jeven! Go find a woman (or man…can’t tell you gender by your moniker) who has had lots of premarital sex…and love him/her!
I, personally, don’t want to buy “used merchandise”. I don’t want to marry a woman who has given the most intimate part of her body and her heart to another man. No thanks. I’ll wait.
Freethinker11:
“I, personally, don’t want to buy “used merchandise”
To me statements like this are more revealing than anything written in the article above…
Freethinker11,
It’s a shame that anyone would refer to a human being as “merchandise”
I’m not Christian, but I’m relatively familiar with the concept of God forgiving your sins, regardless of what they may be. If a Christian fails in their abstinence under this notion, then God would forgive them if they asked for his forgiveness. Who’s to say that people should be above forgiving others for premarital sex?
If I were to imagine an interaction with God, I would hope he wouldn’t refer to someone who isn’t a virgin before marriage as “used merchandise”. It’s dehumanizing and not very Christlike.
Good grief, Carly. “Merchandise” is an analogy…a way to convey meaning. Stop finding reasons to be offended and focus on the actual message.
With upwards of 80% of men and women having sex outside of marriage before age 20, that group will have no problem forgiving each other and marrying other people who have also had sex outside of marriage. Good for them.
I’ve saved my intimacy for marriage and I want to marry a woman who has done the same. I’m willing to wait. Why does that bother you so much? Why *should* I be expected marry a woman who will forever carry around memories of intercourse, orgasm, ejaculation and indescribable intimacy with another man or multiple men?
Furthermore, you are admittedly not a Christian and I am a freethinker, so why are you trying to convict me with terms like “forgiveness” and being “Christlike”? We people outside the Christian religion sound a little silly when we try to use their rules against them.
Honestly….there’s a higher divorce rate between christian couples than non-christian couples….why? because you need to test the car before you buy it.
Sex is important in a relationship and if neither of you know what the hell you’re doing down there, you’re doomed in that relationship. Stop denying, you know it’s true.
“Honestly….there’s a higher divorce rate between christian couples than non-christian couples”
Proof please, Sam.
freethinker11:
It would be rare to find someone these days who isn’t ‘used merchandise’ as you so eloquently put it.
Boy are you going to be in for the shock of your life if God brings to you a holy woman you fall deeply and madly in love with, and you find out that prior to her conversion – before she understood the concept of purity – she gave herself away, or worse it was taken from her.
If that day ever comes, and you react the same way, I pray Gods wisdom on that woman. That she would know it isn’t her that is undeserving of you, but your hardened heart and your lack of forgiveness that makes you undeserving of her.
Can you honestly say in your whole life you’ve never been tempted to or looked at porn? lusted after a woman? looked at a woman inappropriately? taken it ‘too far’ with someone you were dating though you may not have had ‘text book sex’? If you’ve done any of these things, you are only throwing stones at yourself. You are no less marred than the people you are judging.
You will be judged the same way you judge, forgiven the way you forgive.
I pray your heart and eyes open to the error in this way of thinking, otherwise you may miss out on the most incredible and holy love that God has in store for you.
It’s unfortunate that your folk selectively quote me (the “used merchandise” analogy) so that you can be offended and tell me just how judgmental I am.
The real meaning lies in the second part of the quote: “I don’t want to marry a woman who has given the most intimate part of her body and her heart to another man. No thanks. I’ll wait.”
About 75% of women have sex before they turn 20. I’m dating among the 25%. I’m a 26-year-old virgin and I will abstain from sex until marriage. My future wife–the person that I supposedly love with all my heart and all my life–deserves that. Likewise, I deserve that from her. I don’t want to share her sexually with another man/men. Plus, I’m a freethinker. One not need believe in God in order to see the lifelong physical and emotional benefits of marrying as virgins.
As for a woman who has “had it taken from her.” Oh, please. Comparing getting raped with voluntarily having sex is just plain stupid. I would have absolutely no problem marrying a woman who was raped who otherwise has never voluntarily had sex.
If you want to be the second, third, 10th, or 50th man who has ejaculated inside your wife, who has become one flesh with her, who has done the most intimate thing possible with her, be my guest. I choose not to.
Frankly, I think a lot of the judgment toward my preference to marry a virgin is rooted in guilt–guilt over the realization that their own sexual indiscretions means that they can only present as damaged goods when they finally meet the person they claim they “truly love”.
Javen you are right, there are those who have had sex before marriage, me included. Nevertheless that’s not what God intended for us. He wants us to be happy, and sex outside the context of marriage is wrong. It complicates, and contaminates the relationship.
That’s just so pathetic. Many of the Jews in Jesus’ day had problems with Jesus. Its not about what the masses say. Sex before marriage is wrong, and any Christian who doesn’t see anything wrong with premarital sex should study more into the word on the topic.
I agree Jeven!
No Jeven, the question is where are you? I think I need to pay it a visit
good on you nick the women in church are waiting for good man to come along and men waiting for good woman sent by GOD to come along not being seduced or matchmaked 1 cor 7 . 27
That is a rather sweeping statement, Pamela. All men can’t stand the thought of waiting? On the contrary, waiting until marriage is something a Christian man will not compromise on, either.
On another general note, I really liked the article!
I’ve been to conferences, seen and heard women say, “I’m a daughter of God, a princess,” and turn around and treat their pursuer like some sort of strange potential employee, interviewing for a job, that needs to jump through hoops before he meets her approval and checks out on her list of standards. Many times it’s forgotten that the man pursuing her is also a son of the same God. And many times he’ll back off when he sees that your standards are more important to you than a meaningful, deep, rich marital relationship.
The list of standards almost becomes a battle axe to wield against any man causing any future pain. As a happily married man, can I interject for a moment?
If you get married, your husband will absolutely cause you pain. If you get married, you will absolutely cause your husband pain. Followers of Jesus, both men and women, are changing more into Jesus every day. But it will take a lifetime. Like iron sharpens iron. Iron sharpening iron is metal scraping against metal. It’s scraping off with great abrasiveness the other sword’s iron, and having it’s own metal scraped off as well. It’s a loud process. It’s rough. It’s dirty. It’s painful. But in the end, it’s beautiful.
If you aren’t willing to have grace and mercy for mistakes, then I would implore you, don’t get married. If you want a deep, intimate, marital relationship, you must be willing to see that a man is not a walking list of things for you to check off. That is a form of objectifying men. A man is a man–living, breathing, growing, a co-carrier of the image of God. Treat him as such, and expect him to treat you as such. If he loves Jesus, he will.
As I saw someone comment on this article on Facebook “It works both ways”.
My last boyfriend – a Christian – broke up with me 5 times! Each time I was given a list of my faults as the reason why the relationship wouldn’t work, my main ‘fault’ apparently is that I am a little on the messy side 🙂 Each time I worked at repairing the relationship and each time it would happen again. So it would seem to me that men have the capacity to be just like ‘Sarah’. This guy had faults that I was willing to overlook – but quite frankly the experience has now left me not wanting to ‘settle’. Ha! Ha! Ha! 🙂
Well said. Simple and truthfully put.
Thank you.
This right here in spades as I could not have said this better. I agree that one has to have standards but some of these women have standards that are borderline ridiculous at times. It feels like you’re not courting a woman but are being interviewed for a job position. The most important thing is whether or not the man is a godly person in the way he treats you rather than his denomination or material gains that some females believe is more important than anything else.
Brilliant comment Matt. Too many people entering into marriage with unrealistic expectations which get crushed soon afterwards. And failing to understand that marriage is one of God’s methods of sanctifying us.
Sorry, but I know plenty of “Christian” women (or girls, maybe?) who are very promiscuous. Don’t be so disingenuous as to think that only men perpetuate extra-marital sex. It does take two, after all.
Once again, another great and truthful comment David. People sometimes act as if Christian women do not have the capacity for premarital sexual sin. I know of a Christian male friend whose girlfriend tried to pressure him into sex (he refused and ended the relationship) and heard of another girl who refused to marry her partner if he didn’t sleep with her first. Cuts both ways and is rooted in the pervasiveness of secular attitudes to sex and a lack of solid, Biblical teaching on the subject.
That’s funny because I’m a man and I haven’t had sex and won’t have sex until I’m married next year. Sweeping generalizations like this do nobody good.
It’s not a generalization, Jared. Upwards of 75% of people have premarital sex today. It’s a mess and hampers intimacy for both men and women.
Freethinker11, it IS a generalization. Your statistic says 75%, not 100%. Which means there are at least 25% of men and women who hold on to their virginity until marriage. To suggest that it is not a generalization is to inaccurately include the 25% of people with the 75%. Granted, you don’t know who could be apart of the 25%. But that is exactly the point, you CAN’T know. You can only assume. And as the saying goes, when you assume, in the given situation, you make an ass out of the person you’re talking about and yourself. Or at is usually said, “When you assume, you make an ass out of you and out of me.” (I don’t usually cuss; that is just how the saying goes).
P.S. to the men and women who mentioned they are holding on to their purity until marriage: That’s awesome! Good for you! That can be difficult to do, especially in this society and generation where the media and society alike are saying implicitly or explicitly that something is wrong with you if you aren’t doing it. My brothers and sisters, ignore the lies of this world and continue honoring God in this way! I know that He blesses those who follow His Word!
For those who have not, and if you regret it – don’t fret. The Lord can heal and restore if you just give it all to Him. He desires that you have what He knows is best for you. As long as we come to Him in true repentance, He can and will heal and forgive! 🙂
not true at all, many men (of which I am one) will respect that kind of decision. if a man doesn’t then that’s a good reason to tell him he better man up and see past what he can get from you tonight, or move on.
I also think that statement is very sexist, as if Christian men in general are less committed than women. Seriously?!
Single chaste girls don’t have to be such prudes though either, just because a guy finds your body attractive or sexy doesn’t mean that is all he is after, and its not all a bad thing, it just needs to be kept in its proper place. I am happily married since I was 21 and have kids, but some of the single girls I know at church are very uncomfortable with the fact that they might be attractive or sexy, and somehow believe it is not “holy” and therefore try their best not to catch any potential guys’ eye through the ungodly carnal flesh. God made women beautiful, and many of those girls should start believing it.
What a shame…that you would encourage young women in church to show off their bodies sexually in order to gain the attention of men.
Freethinker11 I don’t think that is what he meant. I am a woman who is happily married and my looks were one of the 1st things that attracted my husband (when we first met I had on a suit so I was fully covered but I also was presentable). A lot of women think that they have to go around not caring about how they look and that a man should see their inner beauty 1st. Because of this if a guy finds a girl is pretty her first reaction is that she must have done something wrong. You can be modest/respectably clothed and attract attention because of your outter beauty at the same time. Your inner beauty just needs to match otherwise he won’t stay attracted. You are right though women shouldn’t rely on their looks for everything and I’m hoping that’s not what the original poster meant to imply.
Fair point. Everybody has sexual thoughts but it doesn’t necessarily mean that we’re going to act out on them when we see someone they’re attracted to. I find it annoying how some christians believe that having carnal thoughts is an instant sin because of what’s written in the bible( which is man’s own interpretation to be fair) when in fact, they themselves have those same carnal thoughts and choose to throw stones and place judgement. If God did not want us to have these thoughts, God would not have created the concept of sexual attraction at all. I think the key is to have self control and not let thoughts like that dominate or deviate your character in a relationship.
walk in the spirit is the only answer to the flesh and you get a lot of hurt in the church and out because many walk in the flesh . this is a christian site so merchandise isnt used in bible for people if your in christ then you have renewed your mind through the living word of GOD
darkness and light dont have anthing in common best to associate with unbelivers if thats the case as light desperses the darkness
This is probably the mother of all reasons.
This is THE MAIN reason. From the moment I turned from a lifestyle of fornication…I don’t get any offers to be a girl friend or potential wife to a ‘Boaz’. Which leads to wanting Jesus instead of his disciple, then Delilah, then pickiness, then hard to get, then the rest.
Men who love and follow Jesus are willing to wait and save sex for marriage. If you’re not seeing men like this, then I’m wondering what kind of church you’re attending or if maybe you’re not going to church. I’d encourage you to try to get involved in some kind of singles small group or life group at a local church. Good, Christian guys do exist!
Are you involved in a local church? If you are and you’re not seeing any guys who are willing to save sex for marriage, then I’d say to find a new church! If you aren’t involved in a local church, then I would encourage you to find one because men who truly love Jesus and want to honor him and their future wives by saving sex for marriage do exist!
It’s one thing to decry unrealistic standards. BUT panicking doesn’t help either. I spent so much time and energy on starvation diets, trying to act like the perfect flirt, smearing on gobs of makeup, obsessing over clothes and jewelry, weeping and praying God would turn me into the hot blonde all men at my college demanded. Nothing worked!
30% male. If you weren’t a beauty queen they’d get rude if you even said Hi in the seminary halls.
If you graduate with no marriage prospects you’ll die alone, Christian women. It’s hopeless after you turn 23. Bachelors (over 25) don’t attend church as a general rule. The only two places to find husbands are youth groups and Bible/Christian colleges.
Being yourself doesn’t help either if you’re not beautiful or charming enough. Cause fearing God is good, but men only care about the first two. Even Christian ones don’t care about integrity at all. And they don’t care f you’re a virgin. As long as you’re a 10.
I’m a 37 year old Christian male and a virgin. There are more of us out here than people think. It’s true that a lot of Christian men have absorbed the world’s messages on sex before marriage, and don’t understand that it’s a sin (or understand that it is but refuse to give it up). And to be fair, a lot of Christian women have too. When I used to be on a particular dating site, one of their profile questions was how many dates to wait before sex. The most common answer was 3, regardless of whether the girl was a Christian or not.
When Christians aren’t founded on the BIble as their authority for right and wrong and/or don’t know what’s in their Bible, they absorb the standards of the world around them without knowing any better.
I totally agree!!!
Pamela is obviously single and not attracting men who live up to her standards of perfection. As mentioned in the article above, instead of offering herself a moment of introspect(ion), her singleness becomes rooted in the flaws of every man. Are you even a virgin Pamela?
Amen Pam! That is where I Shand. I’m not looking 4 perfect, I know that doesn’t exist n am real about ppl. I’m not perfect so why should I look 4 prefect, so this article didn’t apply 2 me, but looking I’m looking 4 someone who isn’t trying 2 get in my pants the 1st chance he gets!
This isn’t correct, you can say a lot of men but not all. Myself and a lot of others I know withheld till marriage. It’s unfortunate that the world has watered down the sanctity of marriage such that even Christians are looking at marriage with the eyes of the world rather than what God intends it to be, a holy union. In my case my wife then wanted to but to God’s grace I stood my ground. The truth is most of us have given into lust (both male and female) and therefore the foundation has been watered down. Then again everywhere you look today you see sex both on bills and in people’s clothing.
Well my ex is single because she wanted sex and that is a standard this Christian male would not compromise on. It is not always men lacking self-control, Pamela.
Amen!
Amen!!! So they who’re around on the side and in the meantime.
First I’d like to say this is a great article. Regarding your specific comment, Pamela, I just want to encourage you that there are single, saved men who will stand on principal and not compromise their beliefs in relationships. There are men who are willing to wait. As a minister and author of several fiction and non-fiction titles for singles, in one of them I interviewed 12 (yes 12) married couples who, in spite of their past sexual histories, decided to not have sex with their current spouses for the first time until after marriage and they are now still happily married. Some of the couples dated between 2 and 4 years, but the one thing they all had in common is that they decided, up front, to keep God at the center of their relationships and they also set (and some put in writing) dating boundaries that they would not compromise on as a couple. So yes, there are some good men out here – we just have to remain encouraged, not get weary in well doing and not settle for Mr. Wrong when God has for us our very own unique Mr. Right…not Mr. Perfect like Sarah may have been looking for…but Mr. Right
Agreed! The church should focus more on bringing men to Christ in addition to preaching to women. I completely agree with the article also
What makes you think never married women don’t have sex, and that includes those who are religious? I have got news for you, most do.
Thank you Pamela! Finally an awesome, true statement. I’m still waiting for my imperfect man that will lead me to Jesus, not the bedroom.
im a man like jesus men were created first and women as a help meet im in a church be there 12 years women might not want sex but they will draw men by lust of the eye and smiling right in your face and its women who flirt seduce sceam slander wether they have been married once twice they still flirt and do it continuously and its from the world my bible says 1 cor 7.27 says do not seek a wife that should apply for women as well to fall in line with scripture and stop living in flesh the church isnt a night club .
PLEASEEEEEEEE…………….
Boy your insight of Christian men is a JOKE. Most Christian men (TRUE CHRISTIAN MEN) will not have sex outside of marriage. And if you truly dated a true Christian man, then you would know this to be true. A true man of God has self control. Why would you even write something like that? Your wrong, dead wrong. It’s like you are basing facts from your own imagination.
yes the church is full of the world .demas had self control and the spirit but he chose to go after the flesh we have choice the churches in revelation had problems todays church is the same we need to repent with fasting praying as righteous men make a difference.
So true….the sad part is there are FEW Christian men who actually live biblically anymore. There are many many more Christian women than men.
there are many women in the church because in the war the church became a life boat for women because there husbands had died in war.its remained the same today i have watched leaders elders groveling round women all the time and women coming in the church desturbing it because they can put the water works on the bible teaches women dont have authority over men and when it comes to flirting showing buttocks off and hips with very tight jeans it isnt biblical its satan .
sceeming gossoping and being sly destroying friend ships is what iv had in my church the church for some women is a night club were they hunt stalk
and destroy there pray men were created first and women as a help meet
but women who have a career money big car credit card and a dogs.
and dress seductivley are there own helpmeets only pleasing them selves
modern women even older arent godly holy but mostly in the flesh its these which are desroying the church from inside out and bringing it to ruin which they have done .
Are you saying that every single man you have met, has left because you refused them sex until after marriage???
Not all guys but a lot expect yes. Dating can be a minefield. Although I have heard of a guy wanting to wait and was dumped…
Stephen’s probably single because he’s not happy being treated like a king but God Himself.
Very enlightening, God bless, x
Thank you! Hope you have a good day
WOW. As if this applies for all Christian woman. This is absurd!
Sure, there are woman like this on planet earth, but not half of us are like this.
Hello Tamara, thanks for your comment. This post was certainly not meant to denigrate women in anyway. No one woman can represent all women. My hope is that it helps some women somewhere and helps them move closer towards achieving their heart’s desire – should that desire be to be involved in a loving relationship.
It made ME feel like a piece of garbage. Sorry.
Saying no to an abusive alcoholic who threatened to kill my dad is not my definition of picky. I’m disabled and disfigured from a botched medical procedure at 20. My younger sister never married because she was born with a genetic anomaly making it hard to walk.
I’ve known my share of picky men. My Christian college was 30% male. Most of us girls would take anything. Why are you accusing only women of pickiness? Lots of guys could find dates if they lowered their standards about stuff that doesn’t count. Swallow your pride and ask out a 9 if the 10 turns you down.
I agree with Tamara! This article is ridiculous, and no way does this represent the majority of Christian women – or women as a whole for that matter. This article perpetuates ideas as if Christian women are selfish princesses looking to be chased by men for the attention and that’s why they are single. This is just plain wrong, and men, don’t you believe this one bit! Christian single women are as selfless and caring and forgiving people as much as any one else.
It seems you (A Christian Single Woman) and Tamara have misconcstrued what the writer meant to say. The writer is not generalizing Single Christian Women (as you and Tamara both are) but she is merely addressing points that SOME single christian women believe.
There are many Single Christian women out there who are indeed “selfless and caring and forgiving” but sometimes, they just have to really go through different seasons in their lives. But for SOME women, this article applies to them and being able to address these thoughts is a first step to being freed from certain beliefs.
Not all women in church are like this, BUT I can say that there def enough to make me laugh while reading this. In the world feminism has influenced many women in American, and it has crept into the church because we are surrounded by it in the culture. Than add the verses like “weaker vessel”, live with your wives with understanding. Etc many women take that and run. I have experienced women from church acting like their poo don’t sink and they probably think it smells like roses. … but they had major issues too, all they brought was a pretty face, but not much encouragement, affirmation, etc… I think they wanted a “safe” guy.
Wanting a man who truly loves Jesus and understands the principles of Jesus is not being picky because he has to be a king and priest of the home.
Sorry but where in the Bible does it state a man is the priest and king of the home? Jesus is the only great high priest and all believers are priests. No one needs another person besides Jesus to stand between them and God.
Regarding the article, I thought it was great and it challenged me for sure. Something I’m willing to let God speak to me further on. Thanks for posting!
Thar’s right!
That the man is the priest-king of the home comes from Genesis 1:26, 28 where God commands man (which includes his queen—his wife as his help-mate) to “subdue and rule over” the created order. Adam’s priestly duties are seen in Genesis 2:15 where Adam was put in the garden to “cultivate and keep it”. The only other place that these Hebrew verbs occur is in the Law of Moses in reference to the duties of the priests in the tabernacle. In fact, the tabernacle itself is modeled after the Garden with its embroidery of cherubim and fruit trees (date palms, pomegranates, and almond blossoms). This was part of God’s original and redemptive purpose for man. See Exodus 19:6 and 1 Peter 2:9 where God’s people are said to be “a royal priesthood”. We will rule and reign with Christ (Revelation 20:4, 6) as priest-kings under Christ’s headship, who is the second Adam (Romans 5:14; 1 Corinthians 15:22, 45) and our priest-king (Daniel 9:13-14; Psalm 110:4; Hebrews 5:6, 10; 6:20; 7:17). “Do you not know that we will judge angels?” (1 Corinthians 6:3).
David was said to be king, and yet there is no doubt that David understood Christ to be his Lord (Psalm 110:1; cf. Matthew 22:44; Acts 2:34) and Yahweh to be the king of Israel (Deuteronomy 33:5; 1 Samuel 8:7). These concepts are not mutually exclusive. The LORD is the “King of Kings and Lord of Lords” (1 Timothy 6:15; Revelation 17:14; 19:16).
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Incredible read. Thank you for this. I had to share on my blog: wp.me/p3Berg-5y God bless as you continue in this ministry!
A friend shared the link to this post on facebook…I smiled and thought ok here we go again…one of those articles again….but i clicked and read on…i was surprised at how i soaked up every word!!! this definitely isn’t one of “those articles” it is the article…the article every youth should read….it is the truth so well spelt out and backed with scripture!!! I not only read the post but came to the blog and have been reading through other posts as well….all so enlightening and refreshing…as young and unmarried Christian man, I am still chewing on the reasons christian men remain single 🙂
Thank you so much for sharing these truths…
deep stuff..thank u
quite interesting
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This is awesome, I must admit that I too (as a Man) saw one or two things I’m also guilty, of much like Sarah.
Hi, I read through your article and I can say yes agreed but one thing that has troubled me the most and is carried in certain Christian circles. Is this very thing
” Sarah did not want God to decide whom she should marry but decided on who she wanted to marry. In essence, she said: God, forget about who you desire for me, this is the person I want to marry…now make it happen! ”
Has anyone ever sat down to think about what is being laid down as a foundation here?
What about a married couple that has just been saved and the wife reads this article. Has she now failed in life in choosing her husband?
What about Christians who have never even heard this statement because they dont live in the indoctrinated western world? Are they now going against God’s will or desire for them when they just happen to find someone they love and marry them?
I feel that the above mentioned in the article leads a person into a terms based relationship with God. You never grow up, and do not know how to make decisions based out of faith and discretion, discernment or wisdom. Your situation becomes law based and no longer faith. You start praying God is this my husband or wife and then you wait for the answer and then the answer has certain criteria like you need to wait for an anointed person to confirm your desire and when it is, its God talking. But you asked that person whom you think is anointed to pray for you to get the answer for you!
In the end it moves you so much further away from the natural ways God has placed in life. It’s Church dogma and it should not be presented as the principle of the Christian life.
Nowhere in the Word itself does it denote that any Christian couple desiring to marry need to find out if it is God’s desire or will for them first. It surely does say that if you do desire heavily to marry then do so.
The only prerequisite and its more of an exhortation by Paul. Do not marry a non believer. Otherwise live a Holy life, Love God, love your neighbour as yourself and get married.
J..thanks for taking the time to comment on this blog. It has sparked a conversation that hopefully leads us all to grow in our knowledge and understanding…something I strive for (and not necessarily achieve) everyday.
Please know that my heart behind the statement is simply this: To seek God and make sure that we are in His will before making decisions in life…especially whom to marry.
Oh, I forgot one more post. Check out ‘Unequally yoked – So you think you are marrying a believe!’. I hope you find it thought provoking.
To the woman who comes to Christ after being married and wonders if she’s made a mistake, I would point to Paul’s directives in Scripture. If the unbelieving spouse is content to stay with you, then stay with them and honor God in how you live your married life. If the unbelieving spouse chooses to leave, then let them go. (I Corinthians 7:12-13,15)
God is God, and He can work all things together for good in our lives, even our choice of spouse. He can fix our mistakes and create something that glorifies Him in the end. Which might mean making a bad marriage good or might mean showing forth His character in how we handle a bad marriage. But involving Him in the process may help us avoid some unnecessary pitfalls along the way. Every marriage will have problems, because human beings are imperfect and don’t get along rightly all the time, but we can set ourselves up for extra problems with a wrong choice.
I don’t believe that there’s only one possible match for each person; but I do believe that there’s a best decision out of any group of options we’re given at a particular time (both potential spouses and the option to keep waiting). Marriage is arguably the second most important decision in your life (choosing Christ being the first). The Bible tells us that the heart of man is deceitful, and we know emotions have the ability to take control of our lives in unhealthy ways. So it makes sense to involve God in the decision making and ask Him for direction in that part of life as well.
I fell away from church for many years and in that space of time I married. After my 2nd child I wanted God back in my life. For 3 years I attended church with my children, without my husband. I prayed night and day for Christ to change his heart. One Sunday he got up and got ready for church without my asking. It’s been 4 years. He loves God. We have been through a lot, including porn addiction. It was hard but I have to say that I knew that God wanted me to stay and help him fight that battle. I wanted to run but I felt His will so strongly that I stay. I am so glad I did. Christ died for my husbands sin as well as my sin and the pain my husband caused me.
Amen. Well said. Thanks for posting.
Dear Super Champ,
This sounds very familiar. In fact I have heard this take a bit too often. I find it very one sided. So I haven’t seen your profile, but I will take a “swipe” at you and say, you sound like a man. An African male. An African patriarchal male. I say this because as an African woman, I am surrounded by this kind of opinion. It is is my church, my work place etc.
The strange thing though is that as females, in our 20s we are taught to find a good man. Never lower our standards. Focus and never be deterred etc. And then we reach our 30s and then the advice changes. You should lower your standards. There is no such thing as a perfect man. Don’t play hard to get. It’s quite tiring, frankly. In fact I think that before we write this kind of stuff, we should do a bit more research. Maybe interview 100 unmarried Christian women and you’ll be surprised by the actual reasons why they are still single.
I agree with the points that you make on this post but I think that the reason why Christian girls are not married is because it is God’s plan for their lives. If that 60 year old lady is not married and she’s okay with that, then leave her be. The younger lady clearly wants to get married and she has that desire.
Excuse my frustrations, but I am tired of blogs written by males ( I am assuming that you’re male) telling women how to be.
Dear African Child,
By no means was this meant to be a male vs female thing. Please see the other posts the focus on men such as ‘5 Reasons Why Many Guys Remain Single’ and the series on ‘What Women Want From Men’ and ‘3 Simple Ways to Know if Your Man Really Loves You’. Whether male or female, we all need to be conformed into the image of the one God who created us if our relationships are to be as beautiful as He designed them to be.
My intention was not to come off as bashing Sarah! I apologize that it sounded as such.
I am sure that it wasn’t your intention to come off as bashing, but what I am saying is that you have a reader who disagrees with your 5 points. They are way too general and are not specific to all women or to any women. Maybe your blog was supposed to be about Sarah and the other lady you met at the conference.
The statements on your a bit accusing and not necessarily freeing. But then again, to each his own, right?
Also, you don’t need to apologise for your convictions, I a just sharing mine.
Thanks for sharing:)
I have to agree with you, it would be wrong of us to presume that this is primarlily the reason why single women are still single! SIngleness is not a curse and marriage is not a one size uniform for all! When Christ is our center..than our priorities will most likely be alligned with Him!
Laura, I like that! “Singleness is not a curse and marriage is not a one size uniform for all!” Lol It’s encouraging to see that other ppl understand Christ should be our center instead of building Christ around our lives and desires. ….seriously speaking, although there are a lot of ppl wanting to find their future spouse, how many have also heard some married people wish they had a bit of their “single years of freedom”? Marriage is definitely a commitment. CHOOSING to spend the rest of your life with this one special person. That’s a pretty big deal! And so however many years before a person is married, I think should be spent using this time of singleness well and enjoying it! Uh, in a Christ-glorifying fashion of course! ^_^ …Rather than FINALLY getting married only to wish you had the time to “pursue your dreams” and whatever….basically living life well in the time God has given you. …This is still a challenge for me as well…
Thank you for saying what I wanted to say. The title of this blog post is totally misleading. How can anyone generalise “many Christian girls” from just two accounts?
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A very thought provoking and confronting piece. Sometimes, we can all be ‘modest’ but deep down have very high standards, when essentially, we are just as flawed. Not saying we should all be easy and fall at a man’s feet, but instead of asking if he deserves you, ask yourself if you deserve him. In relationships, we are God’s gift to each other.
I learned a lot. Thanks
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I think It boils down to accepting people as they are. Our expectations are often the veil that keeps us from finding a life partner. If a man/woman is willing to accept you as you are, then it is spiritual arrogance to think that you are better than they are.
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Only married man want to date me, I do not what they see to me
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I’d learn something, thanks for this
iyoooo!i must say am inspired by what I’ve read and i have learn to desire what God desire’s of you.I repend from looking for Mr right and pefect partner and also playing hard to get.
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This is really timely for me.
I have a good job and seek God with all my heart. This is so true! I am not the most attractive man and have been told by countless Christian women that I would be great for someone but never them. I gave up on Christian women here and met a woman from another country that is great full to have a good guy that makes enought money but is not a GQ model. I will treat her better then any guy and pray for God to help me be the best husband I can be. She may not get the best looking guy but I will do my best to make sure she is treated the best. I even tell other Christian men to find a woman out of the country. Here in America, woman want an extremely good looking robot, not a Christian man!
It’s more than just looks actually as some of these women who rejected you also expect you to have a nice car, a big bank account and a nice house and other materialistic things in order for them to give you the time of day. The irony is that there are some who will find you physically attractive but will still reject you if you don’t have any of these aformentioned materialistic possessions to boot.
story of my life.
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Ladies ladies ladies…
I will certainly agree with many of your points as there are women who I am sure desire perfection. But I think two essential aspects about life and Christianity is that our lives do not revolve around marriage. Infact Paul even testifies that he is thankful to be single due to having the opportunity to serve Christ better! In otherwords we need to stop viewing singleness as a disease or a curse and see it as a blessing and opporutnity to serve Christ. Being content in the season of singleness allows for many opportunities that may not be provided in the same manner if we were married. It allows for more time and intamacy with God.
The second thing that many people disregard is involving God in our relationships. We tend to surrender other areas in our life, but oppose to surrender our romantic relationships! We seem to have this mentality that we know better when it comes to romance and find it difficult to trust Him. Ironic as he had created romance, the pursuit and the ultimate demonstration of love. Sacrifice.
Our exclusion of Him in this area of our lives can result in racing to marry and pull a ishmeal, (still possible for redemption) or we set our expectations too high! ( I bet divorice statistics in our society would fall if God was more involved in these areas) I personally have been disobedient in this area of my life in the past and became involved in romantic relationships God had personaly echoed a large “No,” along with being accompanied with a lack of peace. I was determined to make them work, marriage was on the horrizon, but God wasn’t in it! The Natural consequences that followed were not worth it for either parties, in the end and In hind sight it makes absolute sense as to why he didn’t endorse certain relationships! These men were not bad men, but with ” both our” unresolved and serious issues, our relationships wouldn’t have been functional. While saying this, I agree with your point that there is no such thing as perfection in our spouse or our ourselves. therefore grace is essential. Our worth is not tied up to marriage or a spouse. It would be unfair to expect them of this, otherwise. Our worth and fullfillment, and our identiy should be in Christ! Once we realize this we are able to pour out to our spouse, and percieve and implement the priority as it is meant to be! If i have learned anything, I would rather be single than disobedient again!
Essentialy my point is to Listen and be obedient to God. When it comes to the right relationship.. He will let you know.. If he says raise your standards.. raise them.. if they are unrealisticly high, he will convict us to change them and lower them to his perception!
Laura, haha I just read your latest post (June 19, 3:42), but this is good too! Thanks for sharing your experiences. Despite all the “arguments” on this blog (a friend just recently shared this blog post), I find it refreshing to at least find a few who just share advice rather than feel the need to “voice their opinions” (which isn’t necessarily wrong, but, and I’m not perfect in this either, but if you represent Christ than shouldn’t your words match too?) So, yeah, just wanted to say thanks and I really enjoyed reading your posts so far. 🙂 It was good advice, well said and real. 🙂 I hope a lot more ppl will stop and read and just take the good advice and sort through everything else.
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Wow! I have read so many articles on this subject that it now gets boring. All basically saying the same thing. But you just threw a new light on it. I wish every single person would read this. Male and female alike. ‘Cos it goes the other way, too. Thank you so much for this. God bless you.
As a Christian man, I found this to be almost as relevant for men as it is for women. That being said, I run up against numbers 3 and 4 the most in women. Great article!
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As a recently single young woman can I just say…I agree that this article does apply to some woman….BUT I chose to be single because I felt the man in my life at the time was taking God’s place in my heart. I felt like God was wanting me to pursue Him first and wholly. It wasn’t because I felt like the man didn’t meet some standards, in fact we were very much imperfect(acknowledged daily)!
I’m sure whenever God’s timing is right He’ll lead me into a relationship… perhaps with the same man, I don’t know. The point is that I first needed to surrender my all to Him. I’m surrounded by many wonderful young men but no longer are relationships the focus, we are all burdened with this glorious purpose and working together as the body of Christ! It’s incredibly refreshing. Let God decide the rest 😉
Ps. My hearts desire is to be a wife and mother, always has been. God knows those desires though…I’ll leave them with Him =)
Pps. Yes, I am the one at fault for being single, it’s because I listened to Him =)
Reblogged this on loveliketheoceans.
Your post is not wrong. I think it applies to the ‘Sarah’ woman as well as a select few ladies, but perhaps is more directed towards younger women in their twenties who can afford to be picky.
However, the MAIN reason why Christian WOMEN (not girls) in their 30’s and 40’s + remain single is that there is a dearth of single Christian men.
Go to any church and check out the ratio of single men to women 30 and above and it will be clear to you. Most of the single women in their 30’s and 40’s I know are not without fault but are all great women: they love the Lord, they take care of themselves, they have *great* careers and education, they serve, they give. They are realistic and are willing to date without being picky, but simply cannot find any single Christian men. The one thing they are not willing to compromise on is Christian faith, and so they remain single rather than date/marry nonbelievers. And they get older.
I would like to see you–or any church or preacher or anyone at all– please address this issue. It is real and signficant.
I wholeheartedly agree! I have seen it time and time again. Great post!
Absolutely. And I take issue with ANY lady who uses the “princess” line.
Another reason why more christian women tend to be unmarried is because in most churches, the ratio of women often far exceed the men. Thus, there is just not enough men available. This is due to the fact that Christianity is a religion that is more attractive to women than to men. Whereby in Buddhism, it’s the opposite situation due to the fact that Buddhism is more attractive to men than women.
btw, traditionally, it was taught that men were always the one demanding for sex before marriage but surprisingly, it is quite the opposite today if you observe the trend.
If finding a husband (not obeying Jesus) is your number one priority by all means quit hanging around the church! You’re fishing in an empty well.
I struggle with temptation. It’s either throw in the towel and quit being picky so I can find a man (outside the faith) or follow Jesus and live in loneliness for another 30 years.
At 40+ Christian women are expired cans of soup on the shelf. God wants us–too bad no one else ever has.
Too old/unattractive for faithful men to marry I still get plenty of pick up lines when I go out. No thank you, boys!
Reblogged this on robbmatthews's Blog and commented:
i came across this one and thought i should share….
Christian girls are single because Christian boys are more interested in molesting little kids.
This post should be removed for inappropriate content. It is basically endorsing the life of pedophiles.
Reblogged this on Ode to Life and its Lessons and commented:
A must read for every Christian woman.
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very good article, but I think it would be better if you could
elaborate more on what Sarah said, give some example of her statements
would be great…
Because for an article of this type, there will always be people who
keep assuring ourselves that we are not like that Sarah, while the
article has been slapping us left right and centre.
But if you include exact examples, we’ll go: “oops I guess I did it”
just my 2cents
Thank you! I am always looking for ways to improve and that is good advice. I hope you hop over to read ‘5 Reason Why Many Christian Guys Remain Single’ and ‘What Women Want from Men’ as well.
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I think you make really good points throughout your note. I also think that the problems you have pointed out are not due to religious following, I think they are more ubiquitous, media is sort of a cause making men sound like “Mr Perfects” and women the divas. However, it is not the only cause. The ultimate fault lies in what we “want to believe”.
It is easier to believe that “I am a princess and people should treat me as one” than to act like a princess in mannerism; someone who is confident in her femininity. Similarly, it is easier for men to believe that “its all about money” or “I can’t get anyone because the world is cruel” or “girls are born cruel” rather than getting up and doing something about improving their skill set.
People forget the fact that we are first and foremost human beings. So men, when they start putting women on a pedestal so high in their minds that they can’t reach up and even say hello, are wrong. And women when they expect godly perfection from men, are in wrong as well.
Just my two cents, from a different perspective. Good job on the article!
Now this is a fair point.
Reblogged this on KINGDOM COME and commented:
DEEP!!!
There is too much pressure on single ladies. The world judges and the church does as well. Fact is there are also so many single christian man out there. Did anyone ever raise alarm on that?
There is nothing wrong being single even against your wish as long as you are not compromising the christian standards. Delay is never denial.
There is no Jesus people…we are all not perfect…but going along with compromise is not a good thing at all.
People have compromised and married and lived a hell of a marriage after that.
I’ll give you a reason! You are severely limiting the amount of men you can choose from by requiring they are christian too, and you require that they will wait until they are married to complete the process of falling in love by having sex and finally releasing those bonding hormones we need to feel in order to establish a loving connection with our mate.
Reblogged this on a 360degrees affair.
Reblogged this on THE PHOTOGRAPHY WORLD and commented:
Well, why not.
When women are wiling to reciprocate by treating men well, we may show up again. This “Christian Princess” syndrome has gone beyond all reason, and is leading to borderline narcissism in many parts of the Church.
There is only one correct use of the idea of “settling”, and that is over SPIRITUAL matters. Everything else is a person’s pride and carnal mind at work.
So, when the woman in this story didn’t like one guy because he was not attentive enough, but another was too attentive, what you have here is an arrogant mind that demands to be 100% pleases at all times.
This is not the heart of a person who loves Christ, it is the heart of a person who wants Christ to find her a perfect specimen of a husband.
I have stopped looking in the Church for a wife, because I find that secular woman are MUCH more polite, they are much less picky, and they generally have kinder hearts.
So I can just find a secular girl and get her saved, which will probably produce a better marriage than with one of these impossible to please Church girls.
Church girls are pickier, more hung up on specific look issues and career types, and frankly not worth the trouble. I’d rather have a recent convert who is humble before Christ that a proud-hearted “Daughter of the King” who has her 463-point list of the things she “deserves” in a husband.
So where are all the good Christian men? We’re out looking for greener pastures – which should not bother you at all, because it was clear that you’re “dating Jesus”, or whatever.
Lol! Looking for greener pastures? Outside the body of Christ. Who are we kidding?
And if I call myself a princess, which I am, given that I am a child of a King, The King, best believe I am seeing you as a prince, & expect you to act like the son of The King that you are.
Could our Christian men stop discounting themselves & be willing to be princes to princesses.
But to simplify, I think we just need to treat each other better……remember the golden rule? AKA, love your brother as you love yourself?
Jack, you’ve been watching too many Tyler Perry movies. Like, for real.
Hmm. So you don’t care what a girl looks like?
i was not going to comment but this kept disturbing me..”Do not be like Sarah!” What authority does one have to give such command? we say we are Christians yet apply logic and not the bible (the word of God), i hope i misunderstand and this is not the case so lets go to our source of knowledge, wisdom, reproof and for correction…for those that truly seek understand on this matter can i suggest reading 1 Cor 7…all of it 🙂 i will try to quote some words of wisdom that pop out and my understanding of them…verse 19 “Circumcision is nothing, and uncircumcision is nothing, but what matters is the keeping of the commandments of God..” there is nothing wrong with “Sarah” as above for its ok to be single as it ok to be married, infact Paul goes on to say ..its actually better being single as one’s full attention is on God as the one that is married their attention is somewhat divided as their focus on making their spouse and God happy..(layman’s tongue, again feel free to read and prove every spirit is from God so as not to be deceived) when i am single my heart is solely on God, its not the same when i am married…but both, singleness and being married is still a good thing, thus its even better that Sarah was seeking perfection in God for even God would have it that way. However because of our weakness in flesh we are encouraged to marry again, encouraged does not mean this is what we must seek to be good in the eyes of the Lord however it is a good thing…verse 24 Brethren, let every man, wherein he is called, therein abide with God..for i would rather enjoy and ravel in his presence than care about whether i have a spouse or not, again “he that finds a wife finds a good thing”..the Lord knows the plans he has for me, being single or not is irrelevant and shouldn’t be a matter, cause if my trust is in him surely he got this figured out already for me? why i gotta worry? but rather because rely better on our own understand we rather write the two’s and three’s about “Reasons Why Many Christian Girls/Guys Remain Single” i’m sorry but that sounds like there are things i must do so as to obtain a partner of God’s choosing?? (please understand where i am coming from, a heart seeking him, seeking knowledge and understanding thus again prove every spirit even my own.) there is so much more scripture says in regards to the topic in discussion but i encourage us all, isn’t it time we used scripture for answers we need! we do not earn his blessings but they are freely given.
i believe this is a post for “Christians” and thus my write-up as i am too seeking after God’s heart….a quote from me…”God is love and love is God, true love will not ask you to do “unGodly” stuff”..
if a partner/spouse is makes/what will make you happy don’t be disheartened for yours that is from God is definitely worth the wait…
Happiness is not the end goal of Christian living. Remember Jeremiah? And the early Christians being burned alive or eaten by lions?
What if a lonely pain filled life is necessary for God to fulfill some higher purpose through you? Our LORD came here to be crucified–not have fun.
A
I would like to know how many single women you spoke to before you wrote this article. I think this article is unfair because it puts all the blame of being single on women. Where is the responsibility of the men’s part in this? Men are so afraid of picking the wrong partner that if they don’t hear angles sing and the hand of God point to the girl they run. No one has faith in God to keep a marriage anymore. Should I choose a non-believer and hope God saves him during our marriage? That would be against the bible and yet more and more women are doing that because if they don’t marry someone then they are not apart of the greater community. How many stories I hear of women who are divorced say “I thought he was a christian, he went to church”. We should spend more time figuring out are we marrying believers and not be punished by the church for not being married. Paul says it’s better to be single but the body of Christ says it’s a curse. I think the church’s attitude towards singles need to change.
To the author of this article:
Have you – or anybody else – confronted “Sarah” with any of this? Seriously. If not, why not? In private, of course….
Reblogged this on Her Words… Her Visions...
I totally agree with you, however because one is old, or desperate does not mean you should settle for less or anything that comes your way, that is what alot of people do. there is a big difference between permissive will of God and PERFECT will. waiting for God’s best is the best for me, no matter how long it takes and i know his timing is best too.
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Lovely write up, lovely comments as well, those complaining about the title being a generalisation should understand that catchy titles are the reasons we go to blogs to read, for inspiration, motivation, refutal… Etc. As a blogger who shares such articles I understand and say we should not be harsh on the article for that, yes the article did make some other generalisations which have been refuted but we should not take away the education taught here, its for both men and women, speaking from experience, I’m a single christian man, not willing to compromise on christianity values and women have offered, since no one is perfect should I settle? Then along the line you do come across a lady that has same orientation and standards but she sees you as a friend, should you continue in pursuing or in backing off? Then there is also the issue of not having a high paying job , a car or a house, just potential? Is that enough to propose marriage? Should christian ladies settle for such a guy? I have raised issues that from personal experience seems to be the reason I’m still single, but then is marriage really compulsory? What we should take away from this is that if you want to settle then don’t complain or compare in future, and if you don’t want to settle then being 60 and single should also not be seen as a curse but a choice, if there are no christian men or women living up to christian principles and standard, then its better to remain single and make heaven than marry and go to hell, this is not saying marriage is not beautiful, I hope too and long for a friend to grow old with, but fulfilling the work God has given each of us is more paramount, may we not miss our partners because of unimportant flaws and may we not miss our destiny, our way, by settling for partners with serious flaws. Tried reblogging this on my blog cknaija.wordpress.com can’t find the button, will check back, P.S the Boaz story is my only advice to women, don’t be shy to grab hold of a Boaz if you see one, they are rare, the worst thing that would happen is he would turn you down, but will still respect your dignity and not let anyone know you actually proposed 😉
This is one of the very best relationship articles I ever read. Thank you for this. I am just like Sarah but am 25 years old. I hope that I will come to my senses before I am 60 and still single.
In the bible God says to be fruitful and multiply…? So how do people multiply if all women stay single?
The article gave me food for thought.
However, I am one that will not settle. God wants the best for me and I want it for myself. Physical characteristics are not essential but a man who has a heart that longs after God is what I want.
Any man that I date (and all Chrisitian women should feel the same way) must:
1. Love God above all else because it is only through God that there is a
pure love;
2. Single never married (because despite popular belief God does not
condone divorce except in extreme cases); and
3. Active in soul winning for Christ.
Now anyone who tells me that I am too picky with this list
The above article hammers home the reasons why I completely abandoned the Christian singles scene. I also ended up leaving the church as well to make my own way in life.
I did get married and to a wonderful woman who I met in my French literature class at the local university. We’ve now been together for many years, have 4 children, and while both of us did eventually return to the church, it was not until after our children were born.
These church ladies have to realize that they are driving many good men out of the church with their impossible to meet list of requirements and many of these good men will never return.
This is a one women view of Christian women. Not all Christian women are this way, and maybe you was in the wrong church as a single man or maybe the problem was you.
There is always some blame that I’ll accept for myself, but the cruelty of the rejections by the so-called Christian ladies was what really hurt and ultimately drove me out of the church. A belief in God does not give you the right to be cruel to someone who just wanted to talk to you.
The advice I would give to women is to not settle. If you do, you’re going to make some poor man’s life an utter misery, as he will always be beneath you and in your eyes deserving of contempt because he never measured up to your impossible list of requirements. No man deserves that. If you marry a man, it must be because you love him totally and with all your heart.
For men, don’t be satisfied with just being yourself, rather strive to improve yourself, spiritually, phsically, that is lift weights, become well read and of course dress well.
On another note, I left my church but not my Christian faith. In the end, I found the woman of my dreams and returned to (a different) church.
Omega,
Please explain more about this:
“………the cruelty of the rejections by the so-called Christian ladies was what really hurt…”
I won’t say what you describe didn’t happen. But nothing like that in my experience. Most women at church are desperate and clingy if anything.
I THINK THIS IS TRUE
Reblogged this on Made of Quirk and commented:
To read
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This is such a narrow article – so every single christian lady (who “should” be married) have major character issues…therefore that is why they could not/cannot get married? Marriage is a major responsibility, and shouldn’t be taken so lightly (aka compromising and just “settling”). Generalizing single christian ladies as abnormal made me move to write a response. I did not feel or see God’s wisdom in this article. And yes, i felt bad for the 60 year old lady – it was mentioned that she pinpointed every error in her men…but doesn’t this show us, readers, that she’s in dire need of acceptance and a good community, instead of us writing articles about her and basically saying “you asked for it, lady”?!?
Plenty of wonderful spinsters at church never had a chance. What if a woman has a disability or is disfigured through an accident? Way to make women like that feel more worthless than ever!
Give Single woman a break, in fact, give single people a break. Being single is not a curse neither is being married the ultimate goal. Our goal is and should be to fulfill God’s purpose.
My problem with this article is that It is based on one woman’S story, surely one woman cannot represent “many” christian woman all over the world. God deals with us differently because he made us all different, we go thru different struggles, we all have different stories to tell, by that I’m trying to say our journeys are not the same and we are not the same. Those might be Sara’s reasons for being single, but they are not “many” woman’s reasons. As much aS you are advising us to take the reins off our lives and surrender completely to God’s will, You Should also be advising us to ask God to reveal to us why we are Still single and how to deal with those reasons, if there are any, so that we look to Him and not man’s wisdom. Point us to God and he will deal with our hearts, he know us better than we know ourselves.
Amen
22/6/14 philchin888@yahoo (christian)
I saw this blog in facebook and commented,but tempted to write here.
No single should wait for the shinning knight,because it didnt exist.
Ultimatum in life is all above love and sex.Falling in love is the most beautiful thing on earth. Love and sex bring out the greatest joy the world can offer.Do we need to listen to some silly pastor to tell us to wait for that shinnig knight. No,no.no,
I will tell my kids, fall in love anytime,any age, cause falling in love is so beautiful.Single will search and find love,not listen to some pastor,who told u to wait,wait,wait. It does not work that way.
My sis inlaw was a virgin not by choice but was jilted by few guys. He marry my brother at 42. Aftet having sex, she mention she deeply regret not having sex much much earlier. See here, she miss 26 yrs of quality sex life. My message is do we want to follow her regrets, if so,then remain a virgin,is a democratic world.
However,if u choose to have sex after marriage, surely God will reserve a hansome reward. What reward i dont know, cause i was never there.
I am still searching for the so call soulmate after 30yrs of searching, hav i found, no, maybe could be soon,because i never give up. My late Dad,use to tell me,not to worries, plentiful of fishes in the sea.
Along the the way, i have had so many partners, hav ups and down,no regret, colourful, love that part of my life, felt i didnt waste it. My only regret is not having sex at 16. Finding partners was never a problem,cause i am blessed with very good look during younger days.
My parting words, i will give up sex and love, only if God spoke to me to serve Him, then i hav no other choice,but to serve. I will hav to gave up the world. But then again,God rarely speack to people.
Adious
Love u all
Reblogged this on cknaija's Blog and commented:
lovely article although caution has to be drawn on the hasty generalizations as challenged by the lengthy reactions in comments
A Very True Look on how we can no problem weighing Measuring and Inspecting others, but never want the same scrutiny that we dish out on others.
Also, It is safe to hide behind scriptures instead of walking by faith and believing that God can love and care for us through a partner.
Beautiful, Post. We need to just be honest. Say we don’t want to be alone and be willing to accept people despite their flaws .. For we have flaws .. But all who desire companionship should not be isolated.
Kudos to you freethinker11, and I don’t feel like used merchandise 🙂
Ignore those who want to sell you their experiences. You deserve, and will get, the type of woman you desire…..despite the naysayers. Keep standing for righteousness.
I don’t agree with everything in this article. Because and a way it is asking for single Christian women to settle. There is nothing wrong with being picky, verses wishing that you was 10-20 years and a unwanted unhappy marriage. And for the comment on sex before marriage. More power to the people who wait. Maybe more people need to do this. I work and a OB/gyn office and it’s no words for how many single women became pregnant everyday. We need to change our mind set on sex before marriage, and stop thinking it’s ok to play house with every relationship we encounter. We all have free will and we weep from the decision we make. It’s nothing wrong with not having sex before marriage, even if you having cross this line and have made a decision wait.
I couldn’t agree with you more on the “settling” bit. I don’t think there is any virtue in asking a woman to lower her standards.
i just love this post because im one of those ladies waiting for a perfect man. no one is perfect and ive been fooling myself for the past years. i have been in a serious relationship before and im afraid to be heart broken .
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WOW! I’VE BEEN SAY ING THIS FOR YEARS!!! BRAVO!!!
Single Christan women remain so because their fathers are lazy. It is the role of the father to bring fitting suitors to their daughters. Daughters have veto power over the prequalified suitors. Daughters do NOT have the duty (nor ideal ability) to find potential suitors. Fathers DO have the duty and ability to find husbands for their girls. So daughters, turn your hearts to your fathers. Date THEM. Beseech THEM to find you a husband. Pray that God would fill their souls with the spirit of diligence necessary to execute their sacred charge!
Sadly, many young women have no fathers to speak of. This makes it more difficult for sure.
My take is that this article has some good points but I will say this goes beyond just Christian women to be fair. I will also be fair and admit that us men are to be blamed for some of the problems in relationships but some women are in the same boat but will get very defensive and try to play the gender card rather than admit any wrong. To me these type of women described in the article aren’t true christians but self-centred, narcissistic and materialistic individuals who have some ridiculous fairy-tale standards. The funny thing is that these are the type of women who will then turn around and complain there are no good men after shooting down and driving away guys that don’t meet their ridiculous requirements. To them you have to be a certain height, a certain weight, have a nice car, have a big bank account, have a fancy job and have a big house and be of a certain denomination before you are considered an eligible partner. It comes off that they’re not looking for a partner but are interviewing you for a job position with some rigid checklist. If someone chooses to be single and happy about it, that’s fine but if someone is single and is complaining that there are no good people then maybe they need to examine theirselves and wonder if whether or not they’re part of the problem instead of just blaming others for not meeting some impossible standards.
word!
Reblogged this on The Insane Diaries and commented:
Amazing!
Reblogged this on The Limitless Voyage and commented:
Great article for Christian women and men
What do u think
Thank you for your article. However , I somewhat agree with africanchild, because I am actually African, and I have heard that. I also admit that some of your points deserve to be considered when thinking about making a decision about a life mate.
To freethinker, your comments hurt me. They hurt because I used to think like you, and used to flaunt my virginity (purity?) to the face of the unworthy masses. Nobody could tell me that Jesus loved those fornicators?! Lol. Until my virginity was taken from me, in a most traumatizing way. I went into depression for the better part of three years. So, I had become damaged goods as well…or so I thought. Then I read books by T.D. jakes which changed my life….but I digress lol. I discovered God loved me, had died for me, that his blood covers me and I am as whole as one can be. He HEALED me…I am nobody’s damaged goods, I am a child of God (seriously,read “let it go” by TD jakes). Now, I don’t know when or if I’ll marry, but I know that he is in control. And that I rest in his perfect love and care.
Freethinker, would you be mindful of others when using such words? God has blessed you to be pure to this day, to him be the glory. For others, it will be a painful and difficult path. I pray you would say words that encourage and build up, instead of tearing down one another. Christian or not, believer or not. We are all God’s children.
Thank you.
Hello Maetel-sama!
Your comments touched me. I am sorry for the cruelty you experienced but grateful that you have been able to heal by the grace of God. I am glad you read and have contributed to the discussion. I am asking that we all settle (to be satisfied) with God’s best for us (I reveal this at the end of the article). I am certainly not asking anyone to settle for someone who is not truly godly. To me, godliness is base case. Anything other than godliness should leave us unsettled.
Having lived on 4 continents (including Africa), I certainly understand the statements made by africanchild and others. I too find it disgusting that some women are told to ‘bear’ all sorts of abuse and to be satisfied with living with an ungodly man (no matter how many scriptures he spews). I too am tired that women are as punching bags in some societies around the world. I agree that NO woman should settle or be satisfied with that! I know that ‘no man is perfect’ is used to excuse many diabolical ways of the men in many societies.
I can assure you…that is not the heart behind this article.
God Bless You
Maetel-sama–Thanks for your comments.
If you read further in this thread, you’ll note that I make a clear distinction between someone who *willingly* has sex before marriage and someone who is raped. I would have no problem at all marrying a woman who was raped who otherwise did not willingly have sex outside marriage. You said your virginity was taken from you in a most traumatizing way. That sounds to me like rape.
I am respectful with my comments about virginity, but I am also firm. Incredible harm has come to relationships (and especially relationships among the religious, it appears) because of the scourge of pre-marital sex in our society. Have you seen the unwed birth rates recently? 30%, 40%, and a whopping 70% among Hispanic, white, and black communities respectively. It’s time to stop tolerating it, excusing it, and “forgiving” it away as if it is some harmless activity. Upwards of 80% of people are having pre-marital sex before they turn 20. That’s not an “oops”. That’s a normative behavior.
Sex outside of marriage is causing incredible harm in our society and I stand firmly opposed to it. I don’t want it in my marriage.
Reblogged this on On being… and commented:
I NEVER reblog things and most relationship articles, in my opinion, deal with things that are too superficial or generic. But this article is the absolute best relationship article I have read and I most certainly will read it many times over to remind myself of the piercing points in it.
This is very informativee….great job
Reblogged this on Izwirangu My Voice.
Reblogged this on Love, Sunshine, and Sparkles and commented:
Being a single Christian young woman, I enjoyed this blog post, it made things a little bit easier to understand about single-ness. (Is that a word, probably not because I see the little red zig-zags under it, but that is okay, I made it a word now!) Anyways, back to the blog/article, I think it’s a good one. What do you all think?
I am a dating expert and I completely agree. Great post
Reblogged this on Melusi Khomo and commented:
This is so true. Must read!
The point of your article is good and well. Some women are looking for Jesus, not a disciple of Jesus. But Isaac did not pursue Rebecca, Abraham sent his servant to bring back a wife for Isaac that by divine providence turned out to be one of his cousins. Boaz did not pursue Ruth, but rather Ruth pursued Boaz. And Joseph didn’t settle for a pregnant woman. He was going to put her away privately until an angel of the Lord told him that the child was from God. You need to be a little more careful in your interpretation of scripture, so that your applications are valid.
Hi Ramsey,
Thanks for your comments. I implore you to please carefully re-read the article. It does not mention that Isaac pursued Rebecca. It specifically mentions Eliezer. Is it really so that Ruth pursued Boaz? See, Boaz was the first person to make his move by asking Ruth not to graze on another field and granted her favor. Ruth simply responded. With regards to Joseph, he settled for God’s best for him. He knew Mary was God’s best for him through the angel who spoke to him. Note that at the end of article, it asks women to settle (be satisfied) for God’s best for them.
Your right, you mentioned Abraham’s servant Eliezer in the first example. But You can’t say that “Boaz was the first to make his move.” Boaz’s insistence that Ruth graze at no other field but his own was a kindness and an example of his godly character, since he was looking out for her welfare and safety, but nothing more. It wasn’t until Ruth lay at his feet that the first suggestion of a desire for a marital relationship was made between them—THAT was the “first move”. And Joseph settled for nothing less than a pure relationship. The angel told Joseph the child was from God, and that was pure. Had the angel not intervened, he would have put Mary away, so your application there is not faithful to the text. I’m just saying, make sure your applications are really coming from the text before you give instruction to other Christians in your articles.
You are right Ramsey. In the context of making a move for marriage…Ruth was the instigator. Yet, in the context of who first showed interest, the answer is Boaz. I say this for the following reasons. (1) He noticed Ruth and asked about her (2) He told her not to go to any other person’s field for the entirety of the barley harvest period, though she could have gone to glean in other fields in that time (3) He commanded the young men not to touch her…to keep away. As you well know, he lauded her for not going after the young men (4) He had inquired about her character and knew all she had done for Naomi.
I will give myself the benefit of the doubt that I am wrong but I see these things as showing interest. In the period of the barley harvest, it is not out of the question that Ruth saw something of the character of Boaz. Could it be that this contributed to Ruth being comfortable laying at his feet?
With regards to Joseph, you are also right. He settled for Mary who was indeed pure. But perhaps more than that, He settled for God’s will.
As you well know, an example of settling for God’s will no matter what is Hosea. He settled for Gomer as instructed by God though she was a promiscuous woman. She certainly was not pure yet he settled for her at the word of the Lord. I am asking that this be considered: That Joseph was so devoted to God that He would have taken Mary as his wife as the word of God…no matter the circumstance…even if she was not pure.
God Bless
In reading these comments I realize how much people think their opinions and views are as important as someone else’s. Christianity is a journey. God gives us lessons throughout our life and one must have an open heart to receive them. Being Christian doesn’t mean you are not judgmental because we all are. People are flawed. God took form as man, Jesus lived and experienced life as human. Remember these are people we are talking about not just characters in a book. People are not perfect. If we were would we need God? probably not, seeing as how many of the comments i read people were quick to say Christians are this and that. But really Christians are children of god. And in case you have not noticed. Children make mistakes. But true love causes forgiveness. So if you cant forgive a women for not being a virgin or vice versa, you are saying you are perfect, which would make you God….yeah you see where I am going with this. How do think Joseph felt when Mary said she is with child? Did he pack his bags and bounce. No, because real Christians have faith that God put that person in their life for a reason therefore they have value. So if not being a virgin is enough to rule out a significant other then you need to pray for forgiveness for judging another child of God. No one is any better than anyone else and thinking that alone is a sin. How hard is Christianity people. Im 21 years old and have already met the love of my life been together 3 1/2 years. So if you havent found happiness yet, you should definitely try looking and reevaluating your religious connection because how can one judge another based off a physical anomaly. Yall are so lost but I pray for all, hope to meet yall in Heaven someday.
DreB–Will you marry as a virgin? Or, did you have sex with one or more people outside marriage? Is your judgment of my judgment the result of guilt over your own sexual wrongdoings?
Sexual intimacy–and the lifelong, un-erasable memories that come with it–are far too important for me to so easily marry a woman who’s *not* a virgin. I mean, if you want to compete with the sexual memories of other men or women (I couldn’t tell your gender by your post), then so be it. (Rest assured, if either spouse has had sex outside of marriage, those memories and images and comparisons WILL surface while you’re having sex together you marriage relationship.) I choose not to. Marrying a virgin allows me to avoid all the emotional and sexual baggage that comes with pre-marital sex. It’s a lot like not preferring to marry a former convict, or former drug user, or someone who has significant mental issues. Sure, I could “forgive” women in those categories, but her previous behavior would weigh heavily on our marriage.
No thanks…I put just as much stock in the sexual purity of a woman as I do in other characteristics that make a person worthy of a lifelong marriage.
Simply what I can say fits in this two statements: 1) Don’t settle for mediocrity, 2) Don’t compromise,,,
I like this post and I thought it would be interesting to me as a single Christian woman. But it bothered me that this post makes an example out of a woman you met at a conference. In fact, the woman is described in such detail that if she were to read this post, I think she would probably know that you are speaking about her. I cannot imagine that knowing she was used as an example in this way would be edifying or uplifting or even instructive to her at all. I am guilty of doing this same thing and this is a conviction I feel strongly in my ow life. While it is useful to use stories to show what God is revealing to us, I’m just concerned that we, as Christian women, should be more careful about using our sisters in Christ as examples in ways that would surely hurt them.
Reblogged this on Esinam's Blog and commented:
Has finding Mr. Right being a problem of you? The writer of this blog post has some straight-to-the-point reasons for your to absorb. Enjoy!
Its about time that for some hard talk for single christian women and this article is right on point! I am single man in my early 30’s, but I can tell you that it has been incredibly difficult to ask or take a christian lady out on a date. They will begin an xray scan from the word go and begin to ask whether you are serious with them. Seeing them again will unfortunately be determined by your response to that question!!
Anyway, I still do want to get married to a christian woman, so, may this message spread out there.
I will be re blogging this post on my blog, I will endeavour to reference you. I love it.
Neither my wife or I were born “saved” therefore we made our mistakes along the way. We are both flawed but love each other dearly. She is not perfect; I am not perfect, but like Marry Poppins she is practically perfect in every way.
I get it, this makes sense. What if you do not have feelings for that person? Is there such a thing as growing to love that person while being married?
Personally, I would think that if there is nothing there now then it is going to be highly unlikely that you would grow to love someone over time just because you get married.
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Your article is o.k. but found it disappointing. Your article makes wide sweeping generalizations. It assumes to the readers, lack of having past all of these hurdles, and lays all people remaining single in these confined areas. I happen to know quite a number of single women and men, to whom none of what was addressed would apply to. I wonder what the pool of panel members were pooled from? I happen to know both women who have never married and women who like myself have been divorced for a while. Granted, at one stage in our lives, we may have fit one of the areas addressed, but to assume, that someone is single due to these limited reasons is flawed.
There has been too many cries about ladies being single until i went for a program on the mountain in Nigeria to find thousands of men praying with tears about a life partner! Any one regardless of gender could have challenge in such area. Believers should watch as they pray on that. Jehovah is able , keep the faith on and holiness is important while waiting!!!
Dear Freethinker11 : I was grieved to read some of your comments.. My dear friend, Love keeps no record of Wrongs. God IS Love. do you realise that if God were to see you and me the same way that you have been, in your initial comments, He would never ever choose any of us as His bride? Jesus was angry only with one kind of people. Not the promiscuous kind. But, interestingly and shiockingly, the self-righteous kind. The kind that said, “Im perfect and sinless and look down on everyone else.”… Jesus was filled with compassion at people who had sinned.
“though your sins are as scarlet, they shall be a white as snow.” If i still see the sin in a person who has been completely redeemed by the Blood of Jesus at Calvary, then this means that 1. i dont believe that Jesus has set them free and completely cleansed them and made them holy (or in other words, Jesus is not good enough) 2. I dont have a revelation of God’s kind of love. 3. Jesus is a liar when he says that one day they shall be as white as snow.
Dear Friend, I dont mean to condemn you. I hope you are able to read this in the spirit that this is being written. Would encourage you to spend time in the presence of God and ask HIM to show you what His kind of Love is. When we think like HE did, we will be set free… and will actually be able to love those around us with UNCONDITIONAL Love.. the only kind that God knows and shows.. the only Kind that is Worth it all.. the only kinds love that gave it all up for you and me.. while WE were yet sinners.
Reblogged this on Lee's World and commented:
God that he did not wait for us to be perfect but settled for us. He wants us to settle for nothing less than Himself. This means that we have to take the reins off our own lives and surrender completely to His will. It seemed that Joseph settled for Mary when He married a pregnant girl…but He became immortalized in history because of it. Are you willing to settle for God’s best for you?
Wow, such truth spilled by this awesome writer. This is certainly a must read for all Christian single ladies. Great write up! 😀
Reblogged this on The Daily Connection and commented:
Good day, a friend sent me this article today and it was interesting reading. One of these articles that caused me to pause. And while my blog is not only about man-woman relationships, I thought this would worth blogging about.
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Reblogged this on The B-Side and commented:
‘Sarah wanted Jesus, not a disciple of Jesus but Jesus himself.’
Pingback: 5 Reasons Why Many Christian Girls Remain Single | Viva Las GidiViva Las Gidi
Hmmmn…This cut deep…Real deep.A Pastor of mine recently said that Christian girls are single because we are unreasonable in our expectations…*
And they never get after the young men who demand 10’s. Notice that? Never call THEM out for pickiness.
But yell at us for “pickiness” when we won’t marry abusive, promiscuous alcoholics. “But you can change him!”
And if the church is 60% female there simply won’t be enough guys to go around. Unless we take a page from the LDS and bring back Old Testament polygamy.
Wow,I really enjoy nd learnt something I Neva knew,hw I wish I will b rercieving tips like dis in my mail,DAT will keep me going
Reblogged this on The Woman's Worth Conference Group and commented:
This is Food of Thought for all women! God bless as you read
Pingback: A Constructive View About Some Christian Women. Finally. | Rise of Death's Son
Nice write up. It is an eye opener.
Now, that is it. Real and straight to the point! Many single ladies simply want fairy tale relationships/marriages. Unfortunately, it doesn’t exist outside story books. End of discussion.
That was my thinking when I wrote, “10 Reasons No Man Wants to Marry You” >> http://www.gideonbanks.com/1277/10-reasons-no-man-wants-to-marry-you/
Dear SuperChamp,
Thank you very much for this article. It is an intersting read and gives one something to think about. However, if I may, I would like to note that these are by no way the five ONLY reasons Christian women stay single.
In fact, if you remove all Chriatian references from your article, it may sound like something that could be said of non-Christian singles as well. Our societies (anywhere you come from) like to say that the reason why women stay single is because of something they did or didn’t do. Please pardon my being a little too blunt here but seems like single ladies are double “screwed” by being single in the first place AND that being their fault.
I don’t know about non-Christians, but a lot of Christian women stay single simply because there are not enough godly Christian men. Especially if you come from a non-Christian country. Having lived in the Middle East for the past six years, I haven’t met one Christian unmarried man. Sometimes it seems as if Christian men are born married 😉 Unfortunately, my church is full of single women just like me. I have never dated a Christian man. I don’t even know where they congregate.
As I get older, the chances of marrying are getting smaller and smaller but not because my standards are unattainably sky-high. One thing I do not want to compromise, though, is him being a godly man.
This world is not an easy place to live in and for me being single is one of the hardships of being of follower of Christ. If it is the price I have pay for being His disciple, then so be it. After all, hasn’t He told us to take the cross and follow Him? Aren’t we told we will suffer for His name’s sake?
One thing I would ask from the Body of Christ on behalf of single women: please don’t judge us, nor pity us, nor promise us one day the man of our dreams will come, nor offer us a quick fix. In fact, don’t make a fuss at all. Singleness is not a problem that needs to be solved or a malaise that needs to be cured. Do pray for us that God’s will be done in our lives and do offer us help when we need it (sometimes the most difficult thing about being single is not having anyone to hammer in that nail or fix that sink or move that cupboard).
On the other note. Mr. Freethinker11, I come from a country where most of the women stay virgins until their marriage, both Christian and non Christian but, unfortunately, it doesn’t bring the ever growing number of divorces down. I think you have a right to marry a person that you think is the right one and it IS your right to have your own criteria of what the right person is. All that being said, if you value a woman by a number of men that had or hadn’t ejacuate (to borrow your elegant expression) in her and if the only thing you have to offer her is your own virginity, then this marriage will be a very sad place, indeed.
Reblogged this on Leslie Morando and commented:
AMAZING READ!
It’s a two way street, but hard to see clear when you’re looking at your own situation through your own baggage of past hurts I think. I agree with the point the article was trying to make. Not every woman is the same though, but I get the idea. Anyone can be like Sarah, male or female. But it’s important to take responsibility for ourselves. I’ve been single for a long time, but I don’t get approached. By keeping myself close to the Lord during this time I realize it’s him keeping me for whatever reason. He knows when the time is right, if ever.
My prayer is that when I am approached I can see my way past perfectionism and see God’s will clearly.
From the dept of my heart i really love this post & i have learn alot
“I thank God that he did not wait for us to be perfect but settled for us” – no, God requires perfection and Christ delivered it. That is the blessed news of the gospel of grace.
Reblogged this on Life, Love and Other Topics: My Commentary and commented:
Interesting article! What’s your take on this perspective?
When it comes to using the tried and very overused response of “All you need is Jesus” I think that we need to be careful. Coming from the perspective of someone who will be 40, next month, and has never been married (i.e.:me) that statement is good and all, BUT most of the time that response is coming from someone who is happily married with 4.5 children. ((Just curious.. is the person writing this blog married or single?)) Jesus can be everything in our lives……. He is the center of my life and I base everything I do on my walk with God, BUT I still go to bed alone. I am still so lonely that my arms literally ache, to be held by a physical person. My womb is still empty and I ache to have a child of my own. Many times, when that statement is used on me… it feels like the “Church-ese— that’s the answer I have to give you—because I don’t know what else to say” answer.
I believe that I am priceless in God’s eyes, BUT it doesn’t mean that I am better than the men I meet. It doesn’t mean that they have to treat me like royalty. But it does mean that they need to respect me. I don’t need to have “the Power” over a man, but I’m also not a door-mat to have a dictator lording over me.
I have been told, in the past, that I am way to “picky”. My standards are too high. I believed it for a short time……. But then I realized that many times, others standards aren’t high enough. My main standards:
1. No alcoholics.
2. No drug addicts.
3. Don’t beat me.
4. Don’t cheat on me.
5. Don’t go to the strip club on Saturday (expect to come home to our bed) and then go to Church on Sunday…….
There are more, but you get the jist. Time and time again (and it goes for both genders) but since I’m a girl, I’ll speak from my perspective…… Many men really don’t want a “good girl”. They want someone who is good in public. BUT when behind closed doors, where Mommy and Daddy and their Pastor can’t see it all changes. FAR too many times, I have started to get to know a man (and yes they were Christian men) and the moment they discovered that I would not have sex, before marriage, they ran away so fast, that all they left behind was dust. This also falls into the “looking for perfection” thing. No I’m not looking for perfection…. But I also don’t want a scumbag.
I have also fallen victim to loosing men to “Missionary Dating” (the act of a Christian beginning to date a non-Christian…. but they bring them to Church and get them “saved” so it’s all ok….. right?) It would be interesting to find out how many men have been left behind, because the women, in their Church go out and find non-Christian men and leave the Christian men sitting alone in Church. And how many Christian men, in Church, go out and find non-Christian girls and leave the Christian girls sitting alone in Church.
I never say ALL men or ALL women, because ALL is never a true statement… this is just what I have witnessed and experienced in my own life.
I wish I were a lot older than you and I had met you, I’m your guy, no pun intended, growing up, met ladies who laughed at my being good boish, that I should be more bad a$$ (pardon my french), one of the ladies even said women like you who wanted guys like me that were going to wait till marriage did not exist, well I told her that even if I did not find her, that won’t change my stance on the issue, I’ve got Jesus and Jesus got me, I’ve got many friends now ( mostly of the opposite sex though) who like guys like me, I changed environment, stopped hanging around those that did not believe in the same values, and found others that did, it was a lonely work but it paid of in the end, being Faithful to God is not for my future spouse, it’s for me, and even if they are not, that won’t change my faithfulness to Him, I’m still single though, look forward to getting married, but marriage is really not compulsory, we were not giving life to marry, our time on Earth was not for having sex and children, finding out what God’s purpose is for us and fulfilling it with Grace is the ultimate, and if you are on that path, then don’t be lonely, you have people like me to support you, and together we would achieve the purpose of which we were born, what does it profit a man if he gains the whole world(money, marriage, sex, children, etc.) and loose his soul(purpose of being born).
well-stated.
Reblogged this on It's the Women, Not the Men! and commented:
This “princess” syndrome is a direct outcome of nearly 50 years of brainwashing by non-Christian, lesbian-led, radical, second and third-wave feminist leaders, both in the media and in academia. These misguided snake oil saleswomen have influenced millions of young women to foolishly substitute the ideology of radical feminism for the tenets of their Christian faith, leaving millions of Sarahs, confused about the sad outcomes of their “superwomen” lives. After reading this article please read my post, “Short Essay – Radical Feminism’s True Legacy – Being Single, Sidelined and 60 Sucks” for more evidence that living a “feminist lifestyle” will ruin a woman’s life.
K.Q. – exactly right!
Feminism has so infiltrated the church that in many cases its destructive ideology has kidnapped the gospel.
Agreed. Radical feminism is a form of female mass hysteria and yet, despite its overt and underhanded hatred of the tenets of Christianity, it remains unacknowledged by most Christians as their most fearsome rival (even when compared to the Islamists), which leads me to believe that the hysteria runs in both directions. Civilizations inevitably collapse from within.
Well, I think I belong to a different category of feminist. It is important not to paint feminism with the same brush.
I am a Pro-life Spiritual-Christian feminist. Sounds like a contradiction but isn’t. I do believe:
Prolife – Life inside the womb is just as valuable as outside and the abortion movement is a multibillion dollar business that hurts women.
Spiritual Christian – Religion is a tool to deepen a personal connection with God… some are definitely better than others and are to be used to do this.
Feminist – Although different, men and women are equally valuable and in order to properly function no one should think of themselves are superior after all we are all part of the body of Christ and are equally valuable. Just because the hands are strong and can accomplish more does not mean they are more valuable than the eyes… which would you rather loose your hands or your eyes? It is impossible to cohabitate with someone who thinks they are better than you. We must congregate in the spirit of respect and dignity.
I have to say the main reason why I am single is because I have been raised by the wrong example of man. Men who use the bible to use women and yes you tend to fall for someone who is like your Dad, it is a homing devise which means I would end up with an unworkable situation.
I agree that young women tend to seek male companionship with which they are familiar. And who’s the most familiar male in most young women’s lives? Correct. Their father. But, I don’t believe women are doomed to marry them, especially if they are SEVERELY flawed. Unfortunately, I also don’t believe your father was truly a Christian if he USED the Bible to oppress the women in his family. There is NOTHING oppressive within the tenets of Christianity, although that is EXACTLY what the radical, second-wave feminists have promulgated for 50 years. Christianity is simply a road map to avoid the severe potholes of life. It is a guide, instruction booklet, and lesson plan for finding joy in life. If young people understand this their lives will run much smoother and with more success. On reflection, your reaction to your fathers “abuse” of the Bible’s teachings may also depend on what specifically your Dad did to make you think he was abusing the Bible’s word. It may be your INTERPRETATION of his actions rather than his actual intentions. Since the proliferation and acceptance of radical feminism’s ideology, as absolute truth, by young women is, in many case subliminal, this happens more often than not and may required some reflection on your part too. In today’s bar scene, hookup world, the best place to start looking for a truly good Christian man is church. I hope you are pursuing that avenue.
So many try to give endless advice even though they were not involved. My father verbally be littled my mother. She was the breadwinner as she was well educated. As for looking for a man, I feel good about myself and don’t desperately need it. The only man I would ever settle for is one who looked to love his wife as Christ loved the church and would be more than willing to die on that point.
So many try to give endless advice even though they were not involved. My father verbally be littled my mother. She was the breadwinner as she was well educated. As for looking for a man, I feel good about myself and don’t desperately need it. The only man I would ever settle for is one who looked to love his wife as Christ loved the church and would be more than willing to die on that point.
Your father obviously had psychological problems unrelated to Christianity. In fact, treating your mother poorly is about as unchristian as you can get. I’m very happy to hear your description of the man you’d consider marrying because he is a man who truly receives his strength and confidence from his adherence to the tenets of his Christian faith. No other faith remands this kind of sacrificial devotion to family and community from its male members than Christianity. These men are one of the greatest unacknowledged blessings gifted to humanity by God. I’m sure you realize this but your pursuit of your ideal man is not a one way street. You must also be worthy of that type of devotion as well. Good luck on your life’s journey.
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am a victim o. thank God for this eye opener
I found this entry because at the age of 22 I have little issue with still being called a Christian ‘girl’. But when the crux of this entire entry is (no offence) a backstabbing bitch-out of a 60 year old woman, I found it really dishonest and misleading. Hers is an individual case; one anecdotal story can not be used to apply to those who have only lived one third of her lifetime. And applying her situation to the single state of many and all girls/women is a logical fallacy of unrepresentative sample to population. See there is one outstanding thing I noticed about her that isn’t common to the average Christian lady…
She actually HAD many potential suitors. From your paragraph, I gather a minimum of three were interested in marrying her. That itself is not applicable to many of us! So why generalize her situation to other single women? Some posters above are lamenting that no one has taken interest in courting them, and that there are a shortage of men asking them out! This Sarah seemed to be quite a prize back in the day.
How do you know that her complaints weren’t justified? Was the man who couldn’t provide for her jobless, and perfectly content to never work in his life? I don’t think there’s anything wrong with wanting to be physically attracted to your partner, especially if you intend to remain faithful in a marriage – which is (ideally) for the lifetime in Christian context. I don’t blame her for not entering a one sided relationship when the man was not paying attention to her. That imbalance of affection doesn’t seem enough to sustain a long term relationship.
My personal take on Sarah is that she had some sort of shortcoming, like perhaps she wasn’t physically appealing enough, to capture the attention of the men whom she DID desire for courtship. For that, I feel sad for her. I feel sorry for her and commend her for not marrying someone whom she’d have treated with contempt anyway. Yes, in your opinion she may be a deluded old hag, but at least she retained her integrity and didn’t make another man miserable by settling for him.
Anyway where do I come into this. I am 22 and a single woman, the reason being that Christian guys do not ask me out. The only one who kinda did, asked me to go nightclubbing and drinking with him, so I don’t know whether that really counted. I AM willing to settle for God’s best for me, but I know it wasn’t him! In his defence, he has just got engaged to a friend I met in Christian camp last year. I am nothing short of truly happy for the both of them.
In my defence, I have had plenty of opportunities to go out with non-believers. I have to admit that it’s a very tempting idea right now. See if I do so many people will stop blaming, shaming and harassing me for being single! But funnily enough, I would rather endure the shame of being single, judgements and accusations from other believers and all, if that means I’m pleasing Christ and not fooling around in our casual sex and hook-up culture.
I only speak for myself, but I truly believe that single people have it real tough in the Christian community. We are more vulnerable to leaving the faith when people from outside it promise us more affection and acceptance than our fellows in Christ. Christian married couples have each other, maybe their children, and their bubble of married friends to build them up. The church also caters predominantly to family and marriage ministry. Single people, with the exception of their believing friends, GOOD leadership mentors, and existing Christian family members have to rough it out on our own. The last thing we need is to be heaped with more coals on our heads. I deliberately extend much more TLC and compassion to my single sisters in Christ for this reason. Jesus came to heal the neglected, the widows, the helpless and the brokenhearted. That must have included many unwanted and barren women. He never pointed fingers at people for situations that didn’t warrant their ridicule. I am inspired by his example.
Wow so true thank you. I must say the most annoying thing, just in addition to your list of annoying things christian culture puts on singles, is the fact that married couples use the line that “Not all people are meant to get married”, I mean what?!! Really? I’m the unfortunate soul to have the desire to marry placed in me by God, but for some reason He will not provide a husband? Any-hoo. Thanx again.
This was the best response. It showed compassion and wisdom. Singles people are a hugely diverse group and they are single for an amazingly wide number of reasons. Finding out about those would provide great potential for true ministry, e.g., healing, small groups, ministry sessions and more informed relationships, killing off the ignorance and prejudice that prevails. I am quite a bit older than you and single. I enjoyed your post which was a breath of fresh air. Thanks and well done.
So true.. The church really neglects singles. No churches in my area have ANYTHING for us, unless you are like over 60+ — and then its mostly women.
Nice 1 jari! Dis issue of “MR RIGHT” i dn’t really get it ooo cos is bcoming so unbearable among our LADIES there4,no one among us wants 2 settle 4 d less n help him 2 build up 2 dat stage of bearing dat rank…PERFECT n most of us has really missd GOD’s plan 4 out future jst @ d process of waiting 4 MR RIGHT! Bt,wat do we do cos we hav no power of our own…OOOOh GOD,pls,help us 2 hear n undrstand ur plan 4 us at all time,AMEN..
Thanks for this piece…
Thanks a lot. This info is not only helpful but also very dependable. There are so many mistakes av seen myself make. I pray to God that from today onwards, I will settle for what God wants me 2 be and have at the same time. ViaProudofYou.
i think d nail ws hit on d head…true talk
Are they really Christian? Because most women nowadays like sleeping around.
That’s true. Many “good Christian girls” love giving themselves to the nonChristian men they date.
They let that godless fornicator — instead of the Christian guy they may later marry — be the first to penetrate them & take their good-girl Christian innocence.
This article is amazing. Thank you for speaking truth. Many singles have a difficult time looking inward to find fault. It’s much easier to say, “Well, he just isn’t the one for me.”
Sarah 60 years old and NEVER married? Wow! She s destined to be single. Most men her age are either already married or divorced. And the likely hood of her finding a younger man because they seek younger women to marry and have children. Women like Sarah just have to accept their destiny as a single person, many will not give into marriage.
Then again with the type of women that are out there these days is a very Good reason why many of us Good men are still single today.
Wow, excellent post! And I appreciate your comment about Ruth and Boaz, what with men pursuing women becoming such a to-do in Christian culture–which I think is really motivated by women wanted to be the ones with all the bargaining power (i.e. since he’s the desperate one, she can make all the demands). Ruth and Rebekah (for Isaac) weren’t exactly playing “hard to get,” were they?
The reality of women’s attraction–at least inasmuch as it should be godly–lies in her interest in the man’s autonomous drive and passion in life; Eve was designed to be Adam’s helper! Therefore, Eve will take interest in a “man on a mission” that she will be excited to help!
That is what a Christian woman should look for in a man: his cause.
Just look at Christ? Does he protect us and provide for us? Sure, but he also calls us to a path of PURPOSE that is full of its own risks and dangers. As his bride we have to be people of courage. Likewise, a Christian woman will be a woman of courage.
I ate 12mini corndogs whilst reading this.
Hi. Thank you for your post on “Reasons why christian women are still single.” It really did encourage me. I’m beginning to think might “Sarah”, but I’m not sure. I’m 31 years old and have been single since I got saved 10 years ago. It took me a while to get over that guy, 6 years in fact, and I asked God to keep the frogs at bay while I wait for His provision of a husband. There has been some suitors, but mostly unsaved guys. The most recent (A year ago) guy is saved, but is unemployed and didn’t finish high school, he also comes from a background of alcoholism and besides being attracted to him initially, in conversations with him I realized that he really believe that men are superior to women. I know that no one is perfect and that’s not what I want, I just want a guy that really strives after God and His purposes and would have atleast finished high school and has a vision for the future. I’m a university graduate and is busy with a postgraduate. I dream of marriage and having babies, as most christian singles do. I’ve seen many examples of good couples, where theirs a partnership relationships and even though it encourages me (to think I’m not crazy to want that too), it also saddens me to know that there is no one out there (besides God) and thinks of me.
Janine, I think it is a matter of really trusting the Lord in this matter. Stay focused on Him. The single life can be a blessing if we let it because it gives us the opportunity to be focused on the Lord without being distracted by our responsibilities in this life as 1 Cor. 7 describes. I personally trust that if it is God’s will for me to marry, He will bring the right person, under the right circumstances in His perfect timing. Until then, it is an awesome time to grow closer to the Lord and find our identity in Him. And how will we know when God brings that man along? Because we’d be close to the Lord so that when this person does come along, we can hear God’s voice whisper to us “here is the one I have for you.” 🙂
Reblogged this on Here We Go Again and commented:
worth reading.
I am a 32Yr old single woman. Happily single. I have read some of these comments and saw that some of these people got the impression that this article was generalizing “all” women. Though I admit the wording of the title seems to generalize, I personally did not find it to be generalizing. I don’t think there is anything wrong with having standards. In fact, I think people in general, especially in today’s world could use more standards. However, I do agree that there IS no such thing as the “perfect” man. Well, there was/is, His name is Jesus (actually, Yeshua). He is the ONLY perfect Man. But I agree that some women might have too high expectations for men. Which isn’t fair since those same types of women might have high expectations for men, but not for themselves. I so agree about the part of treating your prince like a prince. Treat them like you are blessed to have him just like you feel they are blessed to have you. It is a two way street. A man is a person with a soul and a spirit. He is also a child of the living God – not someone that we should just see what we can get out of him BUT for us to think about how we can bless him, how we can show him love, respect and appreciation. Many times, as women, this can go against our pride. However, when it comes to relationships, shoot, even when it comes to following Christ; we should be learning that there is no room for pride in love. There is no room for ego. And for humanity, we are fallen, so it is reasonable to say that pride and ego come second-nature to us. However, with the redemptive nature of Christ, He uses love and relationships to work that natural tendency out of our hearts. Which is what we need.
To Pamela, it was unfair of you to say that “…men cannot stand the thought of not having sex till marriage…..a standard a Christian woman will not compromise on.” It is an unfair over-generalization because you don’t say “some” men, you just say “men” – as if to imply “all” men. In general, I hate over-generalizations. It is unfair to categorize people, especially when you can’t possibly know all of them. While groups of people can have similar characteristics, to say we are all exactly the same in one way or another is inaccurate since no two people on earth are EXACTLY [to a T] the same. Granted, maybe in your experience, you have come across many men who despise the principle of saving sex until marriage. But certainly not all men are like that. I personally have a male friend whom I’ve known for many years. We are very good friends so I know him well. And I know he is holding on to his purity until marriage.
In the same way, it is unfair to say/imply that all women/ even Christian women will not compromise their beliefs in this manner. Believe it or not, there are Christian women who might compromise that. Maybe because of insecurity issues, maybe because they don’t understand what God’s Word says about it, but they are out there. Not all women are the innocent ones in these situations. Just sayin’.
Regarding general over-generalizations, I stick to this principle: Avoid saying anything that implicitly or explicitly that conveys the notion of over-generalizations which could sound like this:
“All [people within a certain group] do/don’t do, this/that.”
Very true. Not all Christian women hold to standards of “purity.”
Many, because of insecurity issues as you state, will give themselves to the nonChristian men they date.
They willingly let the nonChristian men they see — not the Christian men they may later marry — be the first to penetrate them, giving them their virginities and their Christian innocences.
In the dark of night back at her date’s place, it’s difficult for a Christian woman to discern right from wrong as they kiss and caress each other. When she doesn’t stop him as he begins to unbutton her top and feels her up, and soon moves his fingers down to her panties to “explore” her, the line of doing what’s Christian and what’s not becomes even harder to discern.
The colors blend into gray as the two explore each other and get to know each other better… After all, they’ve been seeing each other for 3–4 months. What would it hurt to have sex, just this once, to see what it feels like, to please him?, she reasons. Only reason doesn’t figure into her mind that much as the two hurriedly disrobe each other.
She reaches her arms out for him as he climbs on top of her and begins to mount her. The colors change even more as she holds him tightly and kisses him passionately as she feels him penetrate her and push in and out of her, giving her all those sensations she’s long desired…
Maybe she’s called to be ‘single’
Keep an open mind.
Reblogged this on R.H.S. Ministries.
what a load of rubbish – blame the woman for being single! Her decisions were right in Jesus. Stop making single women second class citizens
I’m not married due to many reasons
I’m asexual and can’t have kids due to a birth defect . There is no point for me
Wow, Sara was very brave and humble to console the other woman. I can really see how Sarah may have been too picky and then I can also see how Sarah may have SOUNDED too picky and in actuality had very sound reasons not to choose any of the men interested in her. I think the last man which was paying her “too much attention” would be the only one I might consider to be a mistake to overlook. I think it depends on how healthy or unhealthy the “too much attention” was from the guy, as it’s very possible the man who was paying her too much attention was idolizing her or trying to be possessive and making the relationship very toxic and she sensed those danger. But I got the essential take-away message of the article. I’m in my later 30’s and don’t typically have these issues. I think as you get older, as a woman, it’s a bit easier to grow out of them, but I admit to having them in my 20’s. Great advice. Thanks for sharing!
Oh I’m sorry did I miss the point where I’m single because my last boyfriend had a porn addiction? I know guys arnt going to be perfect but if they are truly persuing Christ before me there are some things that won’t be apart of his life when he starts perusing a woman.
I’m not going to settle for a guy that isn’t persuing Christ and is persuing his fleshly desires and isn’t willing to give them up. This needs to be more open minded. Woman arnt single just because they arnt willing to settle
I broke up with a guy who threatened to kill my dad. Shame on us for being picky!
Notice how nothing is said about how picky Christian men are? How they should settle for fat, ugly shrews with nose piercings and tattoos? Why so picky guys?
If you aren’t a blonde Barbie doll, forget it with “Christian” men. Funny how they’ll compromise on character but not what really counts (for them.)
Well the good reason why a good man like me that is still single today as i speak is that with much more women nowadays that are very independent, selfish, spoiled, very picky when it comes to having a relationship, usually most of them now want a man with money anyway since most of them are looking for a Rich Man today and just Can’t Accept us men for who we really are which we really Can’t blame ourselves either.
Don’t be too hard on Sarah. At least some of her reasons are good ones. Nobody should marry a bad provider. Do you want to come home every night from a hard day’s work and find hubby has been playing video games all day and now is asking where is dinner? As for attractiveness, I can’t imagine anything more cruel than to marry a guy you find unattractive. Believe me he’ll figure it out, and when he does what a blow to the guy that will cut to the bone! As for some being too attentive and not attentive enough, I’m not sure what that means in real terms, so I can’t chime in.
I hear women tell me that they want “the whole package “. They will not date a man who does not spend at least forty dollars on them. Who expect more and more from a man as he ages.
Well..I lost hope on women a long time ago.
I’m a 35 (almost 36) yr old Korean-American male. I’m lonely and depressed these days cuz the possibility of being alone for life is looming closer and closer.
Every article I read, every comment I peruse, reinforces the notion that I’ll be alone, and I’ll be better off giving up, and making peace with the prospect of being a lifelong bachelor.
We’re just too different. Different and distant.
There is a chasm, a freakin’ canyon, dividing modern Christian women from their male counterparts. We’re just too far apart, too distant on what we’re looking for, and what our expectations are. It’s impossible to reconcile Christian men and women, it seems. It’s hopeless.
And, way, way back in the comments I noticed someone making a generalization that men cannot wait until marriage to have sex, that they lack self-control or whatnot. I really resent that statement cuz not every man is a sex-crazed scumbag. I, for example, am not even looking for sex necessarily; I wish I had a Godly woman to have a connection with. Emotionally, psychologically, spiritually, intellectually, and so on. And yes, physically as well (after marriage). The point is that not everyone is a scumbag. There ARE still men out there who respect a woman’s purity.
With my limited and finite human mind and perspective, I get so frustrated with God. I often find myself asking, “Lord, why did you put this burning desire in me if you’re only going to deny it?” Do I know God’s will and plan are perfect? Of course. My sinful and limited human nature often will not like God’s plan, but what He has planned is perfect. My brain knows that. But my heart often doesn’t.
What is God’s will? Is it lifelong singleness for me? It’s looking that way more and more.
Its good to loose hope on women, just like it is to loose hope on men. Nothing is more off putting then meeting a bunch of guys that obviously have a goal. You don’t really get to know them.
SuperChamp, eh?
AT first I thought it was some Athlete / medalists website, sharing sports tips and forth, then i came to realize it’s not.
Your narcissistic title had me fooled. Good one.
Wooo this is an eye opener.its tru many girls firever stay simgle due to thier own weekness wanting a mr rfht an all in thier life.pushhhh thats crazy cos only God is mr perfect rather is fun when u mary an imperfect man workx toeards perfection an God will bless them for my bolble tell me tjat he who fines a wife
nt a perfect man or woman.a wife fines a a food thing an obtaimes feavor feom God
Sometimes it’s not that the woman herself is picky, but her parents are. How many fathers out there think no man is good enough for their daughters?
Soo true. The sins of the father are often paid by the husband and who the father is will dictate who the husband will be.
wow! this is awesome, many ladies out there have missed their life partners just bcos they wanted Mr perfect as a husband. obviously they are still waiting
How very sad, Right?
As a single Christian female at the age of 40, I have encountered 3 types of males that seem to keep me single: 1. The males are not “striving for the perfection”. They are still sinners and want nothing to do with Christ although, initially the pretend to be good guys. 2. They are counterfeit Christians. They have a zeal of God but their life does not fully reflect striving toward the high calling of Christ. 3. The guys who attend church regularly date women who are sinners. They are aligning themselves to those not equally yoked.
These 3 elements also contribute to the single hood of Christian men and women. It would be great if I actually met a guy who was “Striving for perfection”.
However every woman’s reality is not so. I conclude that as Christian single men and women to state your case to God in prayer. Ask for a mate he would like you to have. Then, be content with your status until your change comes.
Really enjoyed your comment 🙂
LOL
Spot on.
This has been a word in season for me. I’ve been blessed. Thanks so much for blogging about this topic. I’m going to share it with my friends.
Thanks Claire 🙂
Many of us are certainly Not single by choice.
i ave asked GOD wether he wants me to remain single . as iam devorsed by my wife bless her. if we look at christ and his church the bride we can see it isnt perfect its hard work dicipline correction holiness sanctification crucifing the flesh walking by humbling one self through praying fasting puting others before us in the spirit we do not gratify the sinful nature or flesh man . many bring the world in to the church women as well looking for men but men are looking for good women quite rare now as women have become there own help meets !! i dont want to be seduced no thanks lust takes never gives then dumps you .1 cor chap 7 is good advice from paul stay single get married have trouble we need to seek GODS will as flesh can be so deceptive and satan is a good deciver . real love is agapa
Sarah has it right, it saves us guys from marital frustration ……. So please “don’t ” marry, we could never measure up anyway
women who flirt and use thier bodies as a lure in church are biblicaly wrong and are reaping destruction on them selves men dont chase women which is biblical women were created for men as helpmeet and GOD brought the woman to man not other way round and gods WORK FOR ADAM AND EVE WAS look after the garden working together as one
hard to find this now but does exists lust destroyes relationships because there is a lot of it around but the fornicator will be judged
Well i really do have to say that now that there are so many Career women out there making a very high Salary that many of us Good men Don’t make at all which makes it much more Difficult for us meeting a Good woman since so many of these women are very high maintenance, independent, selfish, spoiled, greedy, picky, and so very money hungry too which many of these women want the Best and will Never settle for Less. So with so many of us men out there that really wanted to get married and have a family which we certainly Can Blame the women why many of us are really Single today and Not by choice.
LOL, why would you want to be seen in terms of your paycheck? The question anyways isn’t who she is as much as who you are. Do you like yourself, do you feel secure in who you are? Do you have unresolved issues. Birds of a feather flock together my friend. Guys who are goal orientated find they loose every single time.
I asked out a girl from my Church and she flat out refused to go out with me. Never again am I asking her, or any other Christian woman out.
rahul are you commited in the church roots down and solid in the teaching of christ because as you focus on christ and do his will hear his voice seek GOD for the baptism of the spirit the initiative is up to GOD whether you remain single or he has someone for you to work in your ministry the church isnt a night club were women are picked up and women harasses men we have one book one spirit one saviour who died for use and all are to fall in line to scripture emotions are to be laid aside and crucified coll 3.5 gal 5.24 rom 8.13 but rather worship and each other has a psalm word or song from christ satan always works through the eye and lust then puts a thought and may give you a authentic vision to go along with that tread carefully as you could be lead into a trap being hurt for many years and leaving the church or being married to a lustfull woman when she got what she wants yo will be quickly thrown away proverbs 8 -34 wisdom is calling and wants to protect you get it . there is a lot of women and men hurting in church and looking for a saviour Jesus is there only hope and finding the remedy in scripture and applying it though faith daily women are to dress modestly and discreetly and to use the shape of the bodies to lure catch flirt at men seductively this is from the world . if you so to the flesh you reap destruction scripture is clear there is a woman in my church who ants to be single but has a times shown the whole shape of her hips crotch buttocks for all to see this is prostitution 1 john 2.16 talks about the lust of the eye and 2 peter 1.4 tells us how to overcome lust
also women are not to shave there heads or have it like a mans haircut but have them covered when praying or prophesying as it is the distinction between man and woman 1 corinthians 11.5 if a woman covers her head she fears the lord and there is alot of scriptures referring to the fear of the lord proverbs 31.30 19.23 psalm 25.14 Isaiah 11 2-3 Ecclesiastes 12.13-14 GOD teaches also that woman does not have authority over men or to teach men and 1 cor chap 11.3 says christ is the head of man and man is the head of woman and GOD is the head of christ this is in marriage because GOD is a GOD of order not chaos as men were created first and woman as help meet as God dident want adam having sex with animals incorrect so a suitable help meet was made 1 corinthians chap 7 is good advice on marriage if possible rahul you could do the derek prince bible foundation course which will help you bless you
Is she the only girl at your church?
Reblogged this on My Lord Reigneth.
I have come to hate women because CHRISTIAN women are neurotic and cruel. I can’t bring myself to marry a non-believer, so I will die alone.
So many are ridiculous yes. I used to think Christian men were misogynistic and selfish… still on some level think men use the bible to use women but now and again I meet some that were not and want a respectful partnership because – They like who they are and don’t need to compensate. Men and women think with their eyes too often and the better they look the more trouble they often are.
Well lets face it since the women of today are totally different than the Good old fashioned women of years ago that were Raised Right by their Parents to meet a Good man to settle down with to have a family which today the women are Nothing at all like they were which is the Real Reason why many of us Good men are still Single today since they’re very much to Blame for this. A completely different time we live in now like i just mentioned since many of us Good men out there are Not Single by choice.
A good man that feels good about who he is and looks for a woman who likes who she is and looks to feed a womans emotional needs (which is the reason men are attractive in the first place) are not single for long. As for old fashioned well, when I look at my mothers generation it was the women that did the work to make the marriage work and it has to be both.
I will be 48 next week and have not had a boyfriend since 2000; he wasn’t a Christian, so I broke it off. Since then, I educated myself and worked in various capacities and have been ready to get married. I’ve been told to work on myself, which includes having God first in my life. Right now, I’m going through seeking another job. I’m not anxious, just knowing God is incontrol as he is preparing me for something good. My job will need to be balanced, so I can go to church and start putting myself out there. I’m so ready to have a partner. I don’t mind being by myself right now; I am not desperate either. Ready to have a lot of sex. I have been spared from going from on relationship to another, as to ease the loneliness. While I am working on myself, I pray my future husband is working on himself. I will have no problem working with him to create a good life together.
you an innocent Christian virgin?
Only reason I’m single is because 99 percent wants to fornicate and my age the ones that don’t are married or live in another continent. Oh well, bunnies are nice too. I’m not that picky. Just some love is okay. A bunny or 4 will do.
This is divine wisdom. I’m a man of prayer waiting for a woman of prayer. I’m not looking for perfection, or anything close, but every woman I meet is looking for their idea of perfection. This message needs to be in every Christian ear.
Depends on her level of self worth… too many men unfortunately don’t get to know women. They see someone and they buy in right away. Get to know her, do you have something in common, be a friend, put the hormones on neutral. Look to feed her emotional needs which is why we are even interested in men. Women and men often are similar when it comes to looks… the better they look the more trouble they are. Don’t download porn because like a drug it will severely distort your view of relationships and it won’t be possible to “get to know who she is” Or better yet, get to know who you are and love who you are.
Not everyone is looking for perfection….
After reading this article a little over a year ago, I decided to give the relationship a try. Today we are happily married and I now appreciate him and loving him, imperfections and all. Thank you for taking the time to write this.
Most single women are very picky when it comes to having a Relationship since it is always about them.
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hi everyone read proverbs 6-7 chapters. Ecclesiastes 7.26-29 i have found 1 man but no women and verse 13 the conclusion the fear of GOD EL and to keep his commandments .and 1 Corinthians chap 7 is advice on marriage you shall have many troubles paul says and GOD told me not to look for a woman verse 27 as each is to come with verse scripture or psalm or song as church isnt a night club isnt night club or matchmakers club but body as we are being built up as living stones 1 cor 5.11 tells us not to associate with immoral persons that would include fornicator should not go to church unless he or she has repented and expelled the demon and 6.13 the body isnt for immorality but for the lord .to find out about your self body soul and spirit and which one is leading you go to Derek prince you tube what is man gives in depth study on man creation. women who flirt are sowing to the flesh the bible says you shall reap corruption as we are there to be in love with Jesus and women should dress modest not with braided hair 1 timothy2.9- to 15 as men shouldn’t be womanisers and women shouldn’t be mans man but devoted to Christ or if she married her husband is head
or high priest because GOD is order not chaos .as CHRIST is going to judge first Jew then gentile church as we can see church is full of corruption
how will we stand 1 tim 5.2 is more advice on pure fellowship not scheming
as the world does 2 tim 2.21 vessel fit for the master and read smith wigglesworth letter on decrement of spirits yours in christ .stephen
And the Lord God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living being.
…
And the Lord God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.”
…
And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place.
Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man.
And Adam said: “This is now bone of my bones And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man.”
Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.
…
And He answered and said to them, “Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.”
My take:
What God made marriage in the beginning is still very much how it should be. Two as one, “equals,” and should not be separated by man. If one doesn’t want to marry, it was maybe meant for her not to.
that’s easy writing something from genesis read the whole books and the picture of whats happend through the ages good women bad women WILL I LET GOD choose after all jesus is lord and we are to do his will .
GOD brought the woman to the man clearly woman was made for man for his benefit not to use but helper most women have taken over the role and rebelled they are there own helpers .
GOD puts the lonely in a family what family. his church is a body the family hes talking about is in the confines of church building single men in church or women are single by choice or eunuch or honouring a marrige covenant were one has broken it not by immorality but because it wasnt worth it or wasnt working or became very hard .
problems surfaced from child hood which either knew about many reasons for people to split up marriage is a big choice and church is in taters as we are clearly in the end times GODS word is being watered down taken out of context false brethren wolves bias,t pastors woman libers are having authority over men people with psychological damage going through church motions and real issues arnt being dealt with demons arnt being delivered or even exposed .a bible believing christian can find himself with many people against him just for being holy or obeying his word
i have seen it all in my local church for 13 years or maybe there is a gang of Jezebels who control elders or maybe the wrong elders are in puppet.
Jesus was a tested rock and is .and he asks us to buy gold of him the Furness of testing he will test you .he may give you a vision dream which takes years and in that time the thing he shown you goes the opposite way what will you do when your endurance falters as paul was lonley naked imprisoned awaiting death.stephen
Most women are very independent now and really Don’t need a man anymore which unfortunately makes it very difficult now for many of us Good men looking for love today since many of us aren’t Single by choice.
yes complete breakdown in family unit has massive knock on affect in society children in confusion. rebellion insecurity then witchcraft in its subtle form then being cut off from GOD then curse comes in as some one said then its anackey then dictatorship we can see that in north Korea as it happened with hitler this may seem over the top but .
if you reed the whole book carefully you can see or learn GODS character as it is the only books we we can learn about him days of lot days of NOAH
and Jonah saving Nineveh not to mention paul on the ship men were saved because of him being righteous man of faith spirit lead .
if you look at the end times all of it love of many shall grow cold increase in communications and travel you can see we are in it!! are women prepared for that .as they be on there own as they have taken over the role it mens activity that changes the heavenly bodies as we will see the more men rebel the heavenly bodies will be shaken wormwood and seas will become violent satan is behind it all .in Ecclesiastes i looked for a righteous woman among a thousand found none i looked for righteous man among a thousand and found 1 as Jeremiah stood in the gap for israel so men are needed now now .
Men would never die for their wife AS THEY MUST. They rebel against Gods directive for them, rebellion is witchcraft.
That isn’t true, if a man knows how to meet your emotional needs he is desirable, most unfortunately have a goal and they are trying to fit a girl with the goal. But if you want a good woman you should look for one looking for a respectful partnership not a codependent relationship, get to know her, don’t buy in right away.
the spiritual head of a marriage is the man christ is the head of man and GOD EL SHADDAI is head of christ IM USE ING THAT NAME TO SAVE CONFUSION OF all… the easy way to recognise when woman have usurped mans role is when she dictating to husband gods told me this and that the husband is is prophet priest and king in his house hold .men die for the gospel and for christ we need to read whole bible and get full meaning of marriage covenant for man and woman as GOD intended from begining
as men women fall when trying to live righteously ie holiness as we are righteous in christ if we keep sober no boose .yes there is a condition
we are to repent properly with pray fasting and seek the word of the lord
through meekness and humility as GOD dont use arrogant men . womens libers have opened a door they no nothing of and its consequences
God is not the head of a man if he thinks himself more important than her that he must be willing to die for as Jesus died for the church. A man who is selfish is never the head of the house. An immature man is always underfoot. The only person for a man to blame is himself. However I may be speaking to another fool so will leave it at that.
A person has to fix themselves first and deal with their insecurities. A relationship is not a fix for that and depending on what a girl has been through will often dictate her dependence on the approval of others and how much time she will need to sort things and yes you WILL meet a stupid choice of a guy if you haven’t done the work. Get your own. Stand on your own feet and realize the horrible things that have happened to you have more to do with the people who initiated them, it is a reflection of them NOT you! Give them the ownership of that! Surprisingly enough that is when you meet Mr. Right instead of Mr. Selfish because insecure people congregate, but don’t think for a minute that a guy will complete you, that is your journey, not his.
Today unfortunately is a very bad time looking for real true love when years ago our family members were very blessed finding real love with one another since it was a lot easier in their time which today you do have to be very blessed and very lucky since this is a very completely different time like i just had mentioned. Most of the women have really CHANGED today since the past which very much explains it right there since most of the women now are so very picky and will only want the very best of all and will never settle for less. So since it does really take two to tango which you can see how very difficult it is for many of us good single men that are still looking and hoping.
This is a great article. I agree with all the stated points. I believe there is alot to learn from them.
This is absolutely beautiful!! I truly agree with everything that you said! If it is not God’s will, why want it? Why complain when you are the one running from God’s desires for you? Thank you Jesus!! This truly spoke to my heart! God bless you and your writing!
Then there is the rest of us, who just want someone who would be considered mundane and normal:
1) Goes to church once a week
2) Prays
3) Prioritizes God
4) Has a full time job and a degree
5) Doesn’t have children
6) Wants a wife not a babysitter
7) Is not a porn and sex addict.
That is not a long list. Sometimes it is really NOT a woman’s fault. If no one ever asked you, or you went to schools and work in industries that are female dominated, and the churches in your region have NOTHING for singles. What can you expect? REALLY.
A woman who desperately wants to marry, desperately needs a reality check. A man who loves his wife and would be willing to die for her is a unicorn, in other words a mythical creature.
A man who’s not a porn addict is not a unicorn, but is going the way of the passenger pigeon. I dated a porn addict once. But lest I be accused of PICKINESS this charmer who kept telling me how ugly I was chose to break it off. Thank goodness!
I have put up with a lot of crap and even abuse from guys. (Many were downright ugly too.) That’s why this article makes me want to smack my head!
If anything I’m too desperate. Not picky enough. Or was before I gave up.
@stephen houghton and @Dylan Heyi Wena! Why y’all judging @janice. The Bible is clear on that; Seek ye first the Kingdom of God and Righteousness and all things shall be added unto you. Finish. So its clear Jesus first, Others second and Yourself last fullstop.
to doris what rubbish it seems your mixture of occultic things and havent spent time reading your bible seeking GOD and clearing the temple making it fit for the masters use as man was created first and woman as help meet . they lay there lives down for each other but man is the head because GOD isnt auther of confusion .if a man were to abuse his authority as head he would have wrong spirit .1 timothy 2.12 and titus 2 to the end and 1 corinthians chap 7 good advice on marriage
Don’t use the bible to flex your insecure muscles. Cor 11:3 God is supposed to be the head of the man. Rarely do we see this. For if a man acts within himself without God as his head he can NEVER expect to be the head of his home without the attitude of sacrifice portrayed in Jesus Christ. There is no authority in the selfish acts of men.
wow thats blunt jesus made himself nothing and was raised to highest heaven
These type of women really should blame themselves for being single since there are many of us very good innocent men out there now looking for real true love and would really know how to treat a real good woman with a lot of love and respect which unfortunately most of these women will never give us good men a chance at all. And back in the good old days women were very much different then today. What a change unfortunately.
Hahaha! She wanted Jesus Himself 😂😂
Reblogged this on GodsHeavenlyDaughter.
Well unfortunately most of these women today are everything but Christian since they like sleeping around with so many different kinds of men these days which they will Never be able to Commit to just only one man anyway.
Fewer men keep themselves for marriage. Cor 1:12 God is supposed to be the head of the man. Rarely do we see this. For if a man acts within himself without God as his head he can NEVER expect to be the head of his home without the attitude of sacrifice portrayed in Jesus Christ.
That’s true. Many “good Christian girls” love giving themselves to the nonChristian men they date.
And this Is Why Many Of Us Good Men Are Still Single Today….
That’s true. Many “good Christian girls” love giving themselves to the nonChristian men they date.
They refuse to go out with the Christian guys they meet at church.
They choose that godless fornicator over the Christian guy.
They then complain about “not meeting good Christian men” when they never give them a chance or accept dates with them.
I could get a godless fornicator easily. Way easier than a Christian husband. Or a Christian date in college. Nothing less than a 10 for them.
Still a virgin though.
Many Christian men prefer pole dancers/strippers/porn stars over virgins too.
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good observation.its very true that most single girls are actually looking for the perfect man who does not exist. funny though how single mothers are open minded about settling…
Its easy to want to be married. I don’t think marriage is for everyone. Marriage requires alot more than what’s required being a single woman. Or maybe single and divorced and wanting to remain that way children or not. I think whatever helps you focus more on God. Pressure of marriage from the church is definitely not ok because Jesus doesn’t pressure anyone but he knows our hearts and what’s best but we should always exalt both singlehood and married life equally even though both have pros and cons. Everyone is different. All singles don’t NEED to get married one day. 20-100 years old lol
God bless you mariam.
This has really created an impact in my live in the way I see relationship, God help me.
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I do not feel that Sarah’s assessment of why the men were not matches, as well as your interpretation as to why they were not matches, have substance. To me, as I read this retelling, it appears that Sarah did not have connection with these men. There may be many varied reasons for this. She may not bring herself fully present to the table. She may not b emotionally available, or have unresolved trauma/childhood trauma that are keeping her emotions blocked or repressed. She may not know how to work through her emotions/expectations in a way that won’t handicap her decision-making (especially if she has unconscious drivers behind her decisions from stuff she has not faced in herself). She may have idols above God: money and material goods, physical vanity to the point of perfectionism and idolatry of the physical body, etc, etc. Perhaps Sarah was not a good steward of herself in some areas; perhaps she did not exercise and steward herself physically to maintain an appealing look: perhaps she didn’t develop and continue to develop and challenge herself professionally, so that she was seeking a man to give her what she wouldn’t give herself financially. Perhaps she is not pleasant- perhaps she doesn’t build others up or live with hope, perhaps she doesn’t live in Christ’s abundant life (usually men find happy joyful women very desirable to be with, no matter their body shape or looks). And with the man who wasn’t giving her attention vs the guy who was giving her too much, perhaps she has unresolved attachment issues that is coming into play as far as who she attracts or responds to subconsciously. It is rarely as clear cut as Sarah describes. It’s hard to know, and I don’t wish to speculate.
I also am single, and no longer young (but not as old as Sarah). Where I live, the Christian population is very small. Most professing Christian men are not chaste but are sleeping around. Porn use (from statistics) is another problem. Most Christian men don’t read their Bible, and God is just another part of their life, not their life.
I’m not looking for a husband. I’ve been abandoned by two, both who professed Christianity. One left the faith after a couple years of marriage; and the second was never faithful to me from nearly the start of the marriage. I loved both passionately.
I’ve had to come to terms with reality. I don’t know Sarah at all to know the veracity or her claims. I do know that a virtuous man is hard to find, just as is a virtuous woman. It is easier to not be married than to be married to a man who is not faithful to God or to you.
God bless you, At-a-Loss. Hope deferred forever has made my own heart sick. Not fair to blame it on men or women as a whole.
I realize despite my integrity I’m not a catch. Old, disabled, sickly. Never was the Hot Blonde all the guys in my Christian college fought over. (They all wanted the same hot girl in the middle of the room even if there were twice as many ordinary girls as guys. Go figure.)
Not a misandrist, but giving up on earthly happiness. Stay true to Christ and spend your life alone as your cross. Or sell out and find earthly bliss. Groan!
“Take up your cross and follow Me….”
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Humm, read all your comments! To any single born again guy out there. Lot of ladies are in my category! Am 25, born again filled with the holy spirit, saving sex till marriage, am tall and beautiful, charismatic and romantic also, I could pass for a Victoria secret model, but I don’t seem to find a Christian single brother over here in Nigeria who complement who loves Jesus with for real. They only know sermon about grace, they do not like truth about Holiness, too much pressure! they can’t wait for sex till marriage. As a praying christain I want to keep my consecrations. Most guys in my Nigerian church are wolves in sheep clothing. They want to have sex before marriage, once u don’t succumb, they disappear, am kinda depressed. My email is linderfaith72@gmail.com for any who can save sex for marriage. I love Jesus I need a man will love Jesus with all sincerity
A lot of guys in America are that way Linder. Godly Christian single women outnumber the godly Christian bachelors 10 to 1 where I live.
Everybody blames the Feminists. I hate feminism and agree it’s responsible for a lot of problems. But nobody mentions the role of the Playboy mentality–guys who take advantage of the hook-up culture and remind women like me we’re “lucky” to be used for cheap whores on so-called dates. Without a bunch of johns, hookers would go out of business; a tango takes two.
I never settled for this behavior and am still a virgin despite all the creepy Don Juans. Some of these guys attend church and use Christian dating sites for pick ups.
Hooking up is very dehumanizing for men and women. It doesn’t end in marriage. All dates are hook ups now. Christians need a new way to meet marriage partners.
People assume negative things because I’m unmarried at 44. The fact is I was chronically ill since age 20. Shy and awkward before–not a cute, bubbly blonde, and so smart I scared the boys away when I talked.
My sickness is under control. I no longer battle for my life. But godly bachelors are scarcer than hen’s teeth and dating is a cruel joke now.
There ought to be convents for women like me.
I have been to many churches from moving around. None of them have any unmarried men over 22. So this saying that I’m turning down all these nice Christian bachelors is nonsense. The only singles under 65 attending these churches are lonely old maids and women discarded when their hubbies threw them away for a newer model. Perhaps men making these complaints that Christian women hate nice Christian guys live in New York or California. Definitely not Indiana! (Where I live.)
Agreed. Have to say I am a pro-life Christian Feminist and from my experiences it is not feminism that is the problem but most guys are spoiled and don’t assume the leadership position well. Most don’t read let alone focus on the fact that they must put their lives on the line for their wives. The degree of commitment and sacrifice that a man must show I have never seen. It is the leader that must do the most work to make the relationship work otherwise. If they pass the work onto their wives and expect her to bear the sacrifice she becomes the leader because she is more involved and understands the mechanics of the home and relationship. In any case it is the person with the most maturity that also leads and Cleve’s to his wife as he should…. If I saw these godly qualities in a man I would undoubtedly marry. For the pre-requisite for leadership is God being the head of the man then man becomes the head of the home for his attitude of sacrifice.
Here’s a question Super Champ. You called Sarah a Delilah. Not just a woman of easy virtue, but a very treacherous one. Was this woman indeed seducing and betraying “Sampsons?”
That’s a serious accusation. But I don’t know Sarah; it may be true.
A good piece. Keep it up and God bless.
Thanks for the great article. I stopped my divorce and rebuilt a strong, intimate marriage with this simple trick:
http://www.bestquicktips.com/marriage
This is very good write up sir, it’s also an advice for we ladies
A lot of picky men out there too!
Funny how guys treated many of us like dirt in college/youth group–calling us ugly/worthless or ignoring us–and now accuse us of pickiness for not being chosen. None of them settle for anything less than a bikini model either.
But if women make similar standards (bikini models I presume since “woofers” don’t count) these guys are filled with outrage. Bikini models date multi millionaires boys. Get some $$$$$ if you want to date a shallow hottie.
Rachel Nichols, it was the other way around, too. Many of us “good Christian men” wanting a “good Christian woman” in church, particularly during college, were quickly disheartened when none of them would accept our requests for dates.
Maybe we didn’t appear to be as “sophisticated” and say “all the right lines” the godless players used to get into the Christian girls’ pants. We may have been a little shy or introverted, and didn’t always know what to say to them.
We never focused on sex and would do nothing to jeopardize a Christian woman’s purity. We wanted to date and marry them, not use them and quickly bolt, like the godless fornicators did.
Read this story of a “good Christian girl” who threw-away her Christian innocence to this player she met. She could care less about the nice church boys who loved her. She only had eyes for the godless fornicator, whom she quickly gave him her sweet Christian virginity. She let HIM — a player — be the first to penetrate her, not the Christian man she may later marry. Wonder how those “church guys” appear to her now, now that the godless player used her and soon bolted?
https://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/319997-pity-sex-15.html#post3909542
When I first read that story, it floored me. Here I was, trying to be a “good Christian boy” in college, never pressing women for sex, being a “gentleman,” etc. Then I read these kinds of stories. I see my kind of man didn’t really matter to many of these “Christian” women. They didn’t want us. They wanted to wild experience of dating a “bad boy.” The deck was stacked against nice guys like us.
Most women as it is are real brain dead to begin with, especially the ones that just like to sleep around with different guys all the time instead of committing to only one. And lets not forget the real brainless ones that are narcissists and feminists as well. Total losers altogether.
We need revival the world is in a mess so is church .why men dont seek GOD anymore they are on phones internet ect first steps to revival repent of sin get up early to read the word dance before the LORD or speak in tongues until GOD speaks to you in some way pray for your goverments kings crime ect ,try to fast jesus said when you fast so he expects you to fast per week
be alert and sober as devil prowls around seeking who he may devour .
have a good talk to GOD about all your problems worries and concerns for your country goverment wars , as him to catch thives red handed and for police to be in right place at right time
pray against knife crime satanists witches covens and bind all the evil activity up and loose right spirit angels carnt do anthing if no one prays make sure there is no sin
remember jesus is strict on immorality ie if a man looks a woman with lust in his heart he has sinned . we must repent and consincreate are members to the LORD not to immorality fornication is sin remember also eating blood and devorse and remmarige is sin because a covenant has been broken .
i have been single for 20 years because of marriage covenant that was made in front of many witnesses and GOD
when moses said about a devorse certificate it was because there hearts are hard it dosent mean im free to remarry matthew chap 19-v12 The disciples said this is hard teaching we are going to have to give account of are actions and idle words we speak his word shall judge us in last day .
2 peter 1 .4 we carnt do it without his word and tells us how to over come lust
when you get married you shall have many troubles jesus said and then no time for jesus and his word
remember the one talent use it or jesus will well To frightening to say what he do on judement day as you will be wicked lazy servant
WOMEN called to be helpers not to rule over men and preach in church or flirt and wear expensive clothes or braided hair or high heals mini skirts ect and not to council men
its older women who are to teach younger women women . remember to come into church with word spalm scripure song hymm no just looking at men smiling and saying nothing it causes confusion .
THE church isnt a church were you go to pick up man ect or woman its jesus body on earth with one head when there is woman preacher then you know it isnt jesus church there will be witchcraft in disguise there with manipulation and genrally ear tickling teaching aslo it can happen if there is a pastor who has been usurped by jezebel spirit revelation 2.18 remember jezebel is a female not male
remember 5 fold ministry and pastors married to one wife GOD created man first and later woman as help meet it wasnt woman first then man GOD isnt auther of confusion
we are in end times so be alert what really matters jesus said all these things will happen as in days of noah
loneliness GOD has given us a councillor comforter advocate he wont leave us a orphans and secret place psalm 91
If women had been just like those good old days which then many of us single guys wouldn’t still be single today as i speak. Most women back then were very old fashioned and real ladies as well, and most women at that time never really cared about looks and wealth either which is why it was certainly much easier for a guy to find love. Today unfortunately it really has become so very dangerous for many of us guys to even approach a woman that we would really like and hope to meet since we have to be very careful of sexual harassment on top of it all. There will be times when women will even curse at many of us guys for no reason at all when we will just try to start a conversation with them by just saying good morning or hello since i know other guys that had this happened to them as well. God unfortunately created these low life loser stuck up very mentally disturbed women these days which is the real reason why so many of us guys are still single because of this, and many of us guys certainly aren’t single by choice either. Quite a change in the women today unfortunately compared to the old days, that is for sure. Many of us guys were certainly born in the wrong era.
its a very long blog on this site both men and women are under a curse but in christ we can over come the curse as jesus took it on the cross those who are married it is hard long road as you will never know the person even after 10 15 years when things surface then if we carnt handle it you could separate for a time but then there is a risk of adultery as satan sets traps .
a woman i knew who was a friend (danger) told me women are strange creatures she was right women will generally use sign language and not say anything then men must work out what’s going on weather to speak or not .
i think this is from the world as things change when you come to Christ he has given us a mouth to talk rather than use smoke signals GOD doesn’t want men to be womanisers or women to be a woman’s man as both arnt of faith.
you can marry a ugle woman or good looking each will have trouble eg leah and Rachel and Laban see what went on there then there is bride for Isaac a man of faith or what.
Then there is devorse as people are quick to opt of the covnant made to GOD in front of many witnesses and sacred vow is thrown away because they dont understand GOD and his ways. Elders in churches are falling for it and wives are devorsing husbands to mary elders in church and men commiting adultry fornication and devorsing wives for cheaper model
all this i have seen in church i was in because it followed the cev translation of bible which had clauses in added by erasmus 1550 a roman catholic priest and humanist it spreads like gangerine and many follow because it is easier teaching but jesus did not say anywere you could be remarried moses allowed it because of the hardness of there hearts look what what happend to all the Israelites in the desert obliterated because of sin only 8 went in to promised land
as the church is now a protective place for woman as men seen as outcasts i have seen women preaching but they can manipulate a lot of people and elders a bit of crying every one believes them they can basically do what they want as jesus says women must not preach or have authority over a man as we can see what is happening in church of england with women in leadership judement is coming swift on britain he do the same as did to the jews punish them going into exile land taken heritage taken serve other gods it here blind church carnt see swearing blood shed adultry lieing sorceries when we enter into the trib they will try to blame it on pollution heavenly bodies will be shaken will be blamed on car pollution and bug extinction your prayer closet is the safest place now jesus said when you fast i hope there is some good intercessors here . i hope every one gets healed here