Monthly Archives: April 2014

5 Reasons Why Many Christian Girls Remain Single

DSingles1In 2012 ,I was invited to be a member of a panel at a Christian singles conference. After speaking about living a purposeful life, and remaining pure in singleness, the topic of marriage invariably came up. A woman stood up and started pouring out her heart about how she desired a husband. How she was in her late thirties and did not want to be alone anymore. She said that she was on the verge of ‘settling’!

In an attempt to comfort her, an older woman whom we will call Sarah stood up and proclaimed that she was single at 60 AND had never married. Sarah started to encourage the younger lady. She said, look at me, I am 60 and not married but I will not settle. I want what God wants for me and will not settle for less. I have had many counterfeit men come into my life. Sarah then went ahead and started to rattle off about the men that had been potential suitors and what was wrong with them. As she spoke, somethings that seemingly escaped her started to become clear to those of us on the panel. She was to blame for being single at 60.

Here are some of the things we realized about Sarah that kept her single

Sarah wanted Jesus…not a disciple of Jesus…but Jesus Himself

Many women, like Sarah are looking for the perfect mate. They want someone who is going to complete them and be their everything! If this is you, then my question to you is this: If a man completes you and becomes your everything, then what position is Jesus taking in your life? Jesus is the one that completes you and is meant to be your everything. So, to look for completeness in a man is to make that man an idol in your life, it is to have put man above God! This will only lead to ruin because no man is perfect! Try as he might, he will disappoint you! So stop looking for someone who will not disappoint you over the lifetime you wish to be married…you will not find it. Even you, yes you…have and still disappoint many people…whether you realize it or not…whether you meant it or not. Instead of looking for perfection, look for someone who is striving towards perfection. This is a person that loves God and does not want to be conformed to the world but whose life’s purpose is to be transformed into the image of Jesus.

As my mom says, if you meet a person who is perfect, run away, for you will make imperfect whatever is making that person seem perfect.

Sarah saw herself as a princess, but she did not care to prince her man

There are many women who see themselves as awesome and incredible royalty. Many women say, I want to be treated like a princess! The issue is that they do not want their man to be a prince. They do not want to share any power or give up any control. Instead, they want their partners to take the position of a slave while treating them like a princess. The reason many women cannot let go of control is because of fear – perhaps due to not dealing with the hurts of past relationships. The moment the man does not give her the power she craves, she takes it as he not treating her like a princess and so searches for greener pastures. Conversely, many men see that while they are giving all they have, the woman is not following suit! Many women think that this is part of being pursued; many men simply see it as being disrespectful.

As a princess, you have to make sure you prince your man. Compliment him and let him know that you appreciate that he is being led by the King. Let go of the control. Taking a chance at love means you take a chance with your heart. This is because only the heart can feel love, not your head.

Sarah liked being pursued but did not want to be caught

In the bible, the servant of Abraham went to a land far away in pursuit of a wife for Isaac. When he got there, it was Rebekah that came to the well. When he approached, she did not play games and dilly-dally. No, she said that she would not wait as her family had requested but would follow Eliezer immediately back to Isaac. When Boaz pursued Ruth, Ruth decided to show her interest by laying at his feet. See, both Rebekah and Ruth showed interest. They did not play games or play hard to get.

Ladies, if a prince has found you, then admit it and go forward as long as you have God’s blessing. I am not saying be easy, but at the same time, do not be hard to get. Just as you are a gift to him, he is also a gift to you! If a man is pursing you, do not run him away with games.

Sarah was way too picky

Sarah did not want God to decide whom she should marry but decided on who she wanted to marry. In essence, she said: God, forget about who you desire for me, this is the person I want to marry…now make it happen! It was no longer God’s will for her life but her will for her life!

But does God not want to give us the desires of our heart? Yes…as long as it glorifies God. In fact, the scripture says: delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you your heart’s desires. As you delight yourself in the Lord, you will find that His desires become your desire…thus your desire will glorify God!

You must believe right now that what God wants for you is better than what you could ever want for yourself in the long run. If he is not giving you your hearts desires, it may be because you are not ready to handle your heart’s desire. It may be because what you desire is not desirable!

Sarah wanted Boaz but wanted to remain a Delilah

Do not be like Sarah! Every potential suitor she met had some flaw that was fatal. One could not provide. Another could provide but was not attractive enough. A third was attractive and could provide but did not pay her enough attention. Yet, another paid her too much attention. She forgot that she was filled with flaws herself! She was so busy finding fault with everyone that she had no time to look at herself. She was so busy trying to find the speck in someone else’ life that she forgot that the log in her eyes was blinding her vision of the truth about herself. The truth that just like everyone else, she is imperfect and needs a savior as well!

Sarah could not understand why the one’s she thought were ‘perfect’ for her were not interested. Sarah, perhaps it is because they are not willing to ‘settle’ either.

I thank God that he did not wait for us to be perfect but settled for us. He wants us to settle for nothing less than Himself. This means that we have to take the reins off our own lives and surrender completely to His will. It seemed that Joseph settled for Mary when He married a pregnant girl…but He became immortalized in history because of it. Are you willing to settle for God’s best for you?

Food for Thought: Maybe I cannot find Mr.Right because I am wrong in the way I see relationships

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Why Does God Allow Non-believers to Prosper?

Why is it that God allows those who do not care about Him to prosper?

Right after the fall of man, God told man that the ground was cursed for his sake; that he was going to have to toil, and that all the work of his would bring him thorns and thistles (Gen 3:17). Mankind continued in this vain until after the great flood – which wiped out all humanity except Noah and his family. After this, God made a covenant with all creation. God made a new proclamation with man which made the proclamation of Gen 3:17 null and void. He said that the ground would no longer be cursed for the sake of man even though all that he imagines in his heart is evil (Gen 8:21). He said that there would always be seed time and harvest time for as long as the earth remains (Gen 8:22).

Thus, we see that God gave man a way to prosper from his toil and work irrespective of the state of his heart.

In His mercy, God allows mankind to eat of the fruit of his toil (hard labor) whether we are obedient to Him or not.

Jesus referenced the mercy of God that he pronounced in Gen 8:22 when he mentioned that God makes the sun rise on the evil and good, and sends the rain on the just and unjust (Mat 5:45).

But I say to you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them who spitefully use you, and persecute you;That you may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he makes his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust – Matthew 5:44-45

To paraphrase, Jesus is saying: You need both the sun to shine and the rain to fall for the plants that you have sown to grow. Whether you are good or not good, God makes the sun rise and the rain to pour so that harvest time can continue in the world; so that all humanity can prosper. God, in his love and mercy makes no distinction between those who are good and those who are evil in this respect. Therefore be like him and be make no distinction between those you love and your enemy.

Why should we strive to be obedient to him when there are so many who are disobedient and are doing well?

For those of us who accept Jesus, we not only walk in the continued mercy of God, we also receive the favor of God on our life as well as the Holy Spirit of power. We no longer have to toil and spin for what we need (Matt 6:28). We can simply depend on God to provide those things for us as we walk in loving- obedience to His Spirit. Hence we see that it is no longer hard toil and labor (works) that brings blessings. Rather, it is loving obedience that brings blessings. Though we can continue in the way of all creation, Jesus has shown us the better way – the way of favor and power!

In the way of the world, the extent of your blessing is proportional to the labor of your hand. In the way of the Word, the extent of your blessing is proportional to the extent of your obedience.

A good example of this is the man, Daniel (see book of Daniel). He walked in obedience to God and so became the second in command of the greatest kingdom in the world at that time! Nothing he could have done in his own strength (toil) could have made him attain that position, for he was a foreign slave. No way would he have been given that opportunity outside of God. Thus we see that obedience will get us to a higher position than what toil can. We also see that obedience is faster and easier than toil.

Second, obedience releases power! The man of God that went to King Jeroboam (read 1 Kings 13:1-6) was supernaturally protected from being arrested when he obeyed God. Furthermore, God released His power to break the alter for the sake of the man of God. Likewise, God will always release his power on our behalf as we walk in obedience – His power to save, heal, speak boldly and courageously; His power to achieve all that he has called us to achieve!

Faithful obedience releases the favor and power of God to do the miraculous in our lives.

So why choose God? We choose God because we want more than just the mercy of God. In our appreciation of His love for us, we also want to experience His chain-breaking and life giving favor and power in our lives. When we live in the fullness of His grace (mercy, favor, and power) is when the world will take notice and our influence on it will explode. Then we will start to live heaven on earth and more people would be drawn to God and be saved. In other words, love compels us to be obedient! Obedience in turn will release the abundant life in our lives.


Filed under Teaching, Victorious Living

Doing What Matters – Say No!

We have 86,400 secs every day to make an impact on our world and in the lives of the people around us. While a second or a minute may seem like a short amount of time, it is not. Life happens in short time bursts. All things – whether good or bad – happens to us in moments. Similarly, life can change in just an instant. Most times, we do not realize or take advantage of the precious moments we have because we are too busy doing things and running around. A life lived this way can be very frustrating and unfulfilling for it is life that is lived by default and not a life that is lived by design.

To get the most out of the moments of our lives requires that we live a life by design.

This means that we have to get rid of the distractions that so easily plague us. It means that we have to stop running around doing what everybody else wants us to do in favor of what we have been called to do. In life, I have realized that while everything can be elevated as being urgent, not all things can be elevated as being important. You will simply have to learn to say no if you are to do what matters most and get the most out of your life.


Say ‘No!’

People are good at elevating the importance of what they want you to accomplish for them. Most people will want you to drop everything you are doing to focus on their issue. Do not be surprised if they try to manipulate you with emotions to get their way. They may get angry or teary-eyed; they may give you the silent treatment or call you incessantly. Worse still, Do not be surprised if all of a sudden, the person who you is never sure God is speaking to them tells you that God spoke to them plain as day concerning your life. Do not yield when the person starts to quote scripture to try to guilt-trip you into doing their bidding!

When this happens, ask yourself two key questions: Is what I am about to do moving me towards my purpose. Is this the will of God for my life right now? Is this a godly distraction or is it an ungodly distraction?

Not everybody’s emergency is your priority. Most people’s emergency are fear and impatience driven!

If you do not ponder your ways, you will find that you spend most of your time being other people’s door mat and being a slave to other people’s wishes. This is not only bad, it is idolatrous in that you have put other people’s wishes above God’s wish for you! You are more focused in pleasing man than you are pleasing God!

If you cannot say no, is it because you are afraid of something? If you can’t say no, is it because you have made something an idol in your life above God? Is it because you have misplaced your trust?

Our trust should be in God and no one else! We will learn to say no to the things that is not in God’s plan for our lives – even though those things may be noble.

Example of Jesus: Even Jesus had to say no! When he was told that Lazarus was sick and dying, he followed the will of God and decided to stay an extra 2 days where he was before departing. While he could have taken off immediately and spared many people the agony of mourning Lazarus’ death, Jesus understood that God had better plans through the death of Lazarus. As we know, Jesus raised Lazarus from the grave and people got to see God’s mighty power. If Jesus had not obeyed, it would have robbed the people of seeing the truth that Jesus had power over death. It would have robbed the people of believing! See, Lazarus would have recovered one way or the other since it was the will of God. What was more important was that the people believed.

Are you depriving the people in your life the miracle that God wants to do for them because you are rushing to the rescue all the time? Have you started playing God instead of allowing God to be God because of your inability to say no?

Food for thought: Just because you are doing what seems right, and is right in peoples eyes, does not mean you are being obedient or doing what is right in the sight of God.







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Filed under Purposeful Living