Don’t Just Rush Into Marriage

Chemisty_and_Commonalities_Trap_Blog_Photo_2_1024x1024Bear with me for a second and imagine that you are about to buy a used car. Before signing on the dotted line, you would request the diagnostics on the car. You’d take the car for ride to see how it drives — paying attention to its feel, listening for any weird sounds, and checking all the features to ensure that everything works right. You might even get an experienced mechanic to examine the car and give you their professional opinion.

You go through all this trouble because you don’t want to buy an unreliable car that becomes a money pit! You know it is a substantial investment and you want to know exactly what you are getting. You want to make sure you are getting your money’s worth.

While buying a used car can be a risky investment, the investment risk is small compared to the risk we take when choosing which relationships we should invest in.

If you invest in a bad car, outside of your pride, the only thing that takes a hit is your financial standing. If you invest in a bad relationship, especially if it turns out to be a marriage relationship, your entire future may be in jeopardy. Yet, too many of us treat the decision of whom to enter into a relationship with as something that is trivial, compared to the due diligence we give to deciding whether to buy a car.

Our lack of due diligence is NOT due to a lack of concern. Rather, any concern we have is often overwhelmed by the emotional tidal wave that accompanies the prospect of getting what we desire — the desire to be in a committed relationship. While this emotional wave produces butterflies and feelings of happiness, it can blind us to glaring red flags. It can cause us to overlook and excuse away foundational problems that require fixing.

Choosing to ignore foundational problems when choosing whether to commit to a relationship is like choosing to ignore a used car’s check engine light and instead choosing to focus on how pretty the paint job looks on the car.

If you are going to give yourself the best chance of making the best decision relationship decision, there are 3 things you must do while dating.

Talk About the Ugly Stuff

No one is perfect! Everyone has issues! If you are not talking about the ugly stuff, the ugly stuff will talk to you when it shows up later in your marriage.

Analogous to diagnosing a car to see what is wrong before you buy it, you need to look at what is wrong and understand what you have to deal with in your relationship.

You want to go into your marriage with your eyes wide open

If you do not know for sure what you are dealing with, then it is likely that many things will surprise and disappoint you. You will feel as if your partner was dishonest with you and sold you on a lie. And you are more likely to want to bail out when in the truth comes out in those early days.

But if you know what you are facing, you can make a quality decision. You can place boundaries on your relationship to prevent the ugly from coming out. You will be better prepared for the ugly when it does come out.

Example: When Jack told Lori that he struggles with porn from time to time, they spoke about it and decided that he needed to install covenant eyes while they seek out help for him.

When you know what is not right before hand, you can make a plan to deal with it.

Be Honest About What You Can Handle

When buying a used car, there comes a point when you have to make a decision about whether you can handle the maintenance cost! The same is true of relationships. There is maintenance work required for any relationship not to break down. You have to decide whether you can handle it.

If you know that you cannot afford the maintenance on your relationship, it is better not to commit to the relationship.

There are two key questions to consider when thinking of relationship maintenance: (1) Is the problem causing the maintenance a chronic issue? (2) Do you have the spiritual strength, mental energy, and emotional capital to deal with the problem?

If you know you do not want to continue spending emotional capital to fix an unending issue, then be honest with yourself and end the relationship before it gets really serious. You don’t want to put yourself in a situation where you get bitter because things don’t get better.

Example: When Samantha realized she could not handle Blake’s addiction, she decided to call it quits though she cared for him deeply.

Allow Someone You Trust to Evaluate Your Relationship

When in the throes of emotional energy in a relationship, we tend to magnify the positives and minimize the negatives. I can’t illustrate this point any better than my friend did a few weeks ago. He said to me “When I first got married, I wondered why I did not marry her sooner. Now I wonder why I married her at all.”

Before you commit to marriage, do yourself a favor and invite a wise objective person to speak into your life. Be sure to tell them the good, the bad, and the ugly. Also, be honest with yourself and let them know what you can handle and what you can’t handle. Then open your heart to receive what this person has to say and truly consider it.

This is like inviting an expert mechanic to see if this car you want to buy is a right for you.

Example: Kim and Tyler went to a counsellor with an open mind to get his take on their relationship. After four sessions, they realized they still had a lot of work today. So, they decided to put their engagement on hold and work through the resources the counsellor gave them. Because they put in the work, they now have a successful marriage.

It is better to wait and get it right, than rush in and get it wrong

Do not awaken love until the time is right — King Solomon

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A Love Letter On The Real Meaning of Love

41hRKhTijSLI thought I knew what I believed. After listening to His words, I was not sure anymore. Though I tried to dismiss His teaching, I just couldn’t. And then there were the miracles He continued to perform.

Unable to take it any longer, I decided to visit Him under the cover of night. I knew I was taking a big risk by visiting Him but I did it anyway. I simply needed answers to my questions! The risk was worth the reward! Though He spoke many things that I did not understand that night, there was a particular statement He made that struck me. It was His statement about love. He said: For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believes Him will not perish but have everlasting life.

I thought more about His words as I walked home that night.

For God so loved the world: The word world stuck with me. Why did God love the world? What did the world do to deserve such love? Shouldn’t He punish the world? As these thoughts ran through my head, I had an epiphany. Love is not a reward but a gift. It is based solely on the heart of the giver and not the performance of the receiver. While a reward can be earned, a gift by definition cannot be earned…it can only be received. I realized that if someone has to deserve my love, then it is not love at all. I could not escape this truth: My ability to love depends solely on the condition of my heart.

That He gave His only begotten Son: This made me realize that love takes action. Love just doesn’t talk about meeting a need, it does something to meet the need. Furthermore, love positions itself to give rather than receive. And it is not just looking to give just anything, it is looking to give its very best. This is what God did concerning His Son — He gave the word His best. Therefore, I should give my best if I truly have love in my heart. Love gives its very best to meet the needs of those who are not deserving.

This really made me think about how I love those in my care. Do I treat them differently depending on their behavior? Do I always give my best no matter what?

That whosoever believes Him: That He used whosoever told me that not everybody accepts love. Though I selflessly sacrifice to meet the needs of others does not mean that my love will be accepted! This was a hard pill to swallow. It showed me that love does not expect a reward for its actions. It also showed me that love is not always a bed of roses. It can involve degrees of disappointment and pain. People may question my motivation for choosing to love them. They might even reject it outright. Yet I should love them anyway. No bed of roses at all.

Will not perish but have everlasting life: This part was beautiful for me. It warmed my heart to know that love succeeds in the end. So, though I might go through pain of rejection, the sacrifice will be worth it in the end. Love not only saves but it has a long-lasting effect in the lives of those who receive it.

By the time I got home, I had come up with two definitions for love. First, love is selfless sacrifice to serve and meet the needs of others. Second, love is determined action to lift people up and give them the best life possible according to our capability.

When I got home, I told my wife I loved her. This time I knew what I was saying and purposed in my heart to show her. Now I want you to consider…do you really love? Are you really in love?

My Relationship Lessons

  • Love is not about getting your needs met first, it is first about meeting the needs of your partner
  • When you say ‘I love you’, you should mean ‘I selflessly sacrifice to serve you
  • Love is a not a feeling, love is an action
  • Love is a gift given based on the heat of the giver and not a reward given based on the performance of the receiver
  • Love is a committed expression to others of the love we have received from God

 

Sincerely,

Nicodemus

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A Love Letter to Christian Men Who Desire A Thriving Marriage

couple-hand-in-hand_925x_08866aab-9de4-43bb-b21e-d4418aea3ca3_1024x1024[1]Dear Christian Men,

God, without a doubt, outdid Himself when He made her. Eve, my wife to be left me breathless when I saw her. When I finally caught my breath, the first words out of my mouth were ‘wow…man’. So, I dropped the ‘w’ and called her ‘woman’ as a tribute. I was love drunk and I knew it. So did she.

I remember our early days fondly. They were absolutely wonderful!

But those days did not last. The wonder went by the wayside the day we both decided to disobey God. I will never forget that day. It was the day I rejected responsibility, abdicated spiritual leadership, and threw my wife under the bus — blaming her for my disobedience to God. In that moment, I completely neglected the fact that I had my own free will and chose to eat the fruit.

Why disobey God and eat that fruit you ask? First, the fruit looked really good and appetizing. Second, I knew she desired the fruit too. So, I thought why not! I convinced myself that not only was I going to please my wife, it would also help move us towards our goal of becoming one. I reasoned to myself that God wouldn’t mind us disobeying his word. I reasoned it was better for my wife and I to agree with each other and disagree with God THAN to disagree with each other and agree with God.

The most dangerous excuses are the ones we consider good excuses

What is that popular saying people have today? Ahh yes…“Happy wife, Happy life”. It didn’t quite work that way for me. When I ate the fruit, Eve was happy that I had listened to her. But that happiness quickly faded away. It did not take us long to realize we had opened up Pandora’s box of relationship problems that made our lives miserable.

After experiencing marital heaven in the early days, our new normal seemed like marital hell. Suddenly, we started pointing fingers at each other and started to argue a lot. We no longer fully trusted each other and started to compete with each other. So, instead of getting us closer to each other, eating the fruit ended up separating us.

Disobedience feels good for some time and then proceeds to hurt for a lifetime

I thank God that Eve and I were both committed to each other though. As time passed, we both realized that blaming each other and pointing at each other’s faults was pointless. We had to let go of the past in order to move forward. So we did. We moved forward with a new attitude and mindset.

We came to realize that a marriage is a threesome that involves God (He is the glue). A marriage is not about what you can gain but what you can give. The primary reason behind marriage is not happiness but fulfilling the purpose of God (happiness is a byproduct). The purpose of marriage is to refine and perfect us – therefore any pain of refinement is worth the shine in the end.

With this, we embraced the process of God’s refinement and also decided not to spend a moment longer in the fire than was necessary. In practice, we stopped debating whether to believe God or not. We realized He is infinitely wiser than we would ever be and so submitted to His lordship.

My Relationship Lessons

1. Do not sacrifice permanent joy for temporary gratification

2. God knows what is best for your relationship — trust the boundaries He sets for you

3. You have to let go of the past in order to move forward

4. Your commitment to your partner will determine whether your relationship survives

5. Your commitment to God will determine whether your relationship more than survives. It determines whether your relationship thrives

Sincerely,

Adam

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I Got Over My Father Wound When I Realized My Dad Is Not My Father

We all desire affection, acceptance, attention, affirmation, and appreciation. As little children, our parents get the first opportunity to bestow these “Five A’s” on us. Should our parents fail to take their “Five A” responsibilities seriously, they can leave wounds in us — wounds that if left untreated can hamper the way we view ourselves and hamper our ability to have healthy relationships.

Many of my friends can attest to this, including the three below.

Julie grew up with parents who compared her to her older sister. Because her sister got a lot more praise than her, she felt as if she was not good enough. She felt unaccepted and unloved. As a child, it crushed her confidence in school and she began to seriously doubt her own ability. As an adult, she started looking for love and acceptance wherever she could find it. She found it in the arms of men who made her feel loved and accepted so long as she was sexually intimate with them. Since she was praised for her sexuality, she thought to herself that sex must be the only activity she was good at doing — at least better than her sister who stayed on the straight and narrow path. When I met Julie a few years back, she could not hold down a job, slept with men for money, and suffered from bulimia.

Martial’s mother showed him little affection and attention. She was so numbed by the sudden death of her mother — who had been her rock and was helping her navigate an abusive marriage— that she abandoned Martial. As a child, Martial blamed himself for his mother’s neglect. As an adult, he becomes depressed whenever he is not in a relationship. And should his relationship fail, he finds a way to blame himself. When his ex-wife cheated on him and left him for another man, he blamed himself for not being perfect. He told me ‘Its not her fault, it is mine”.

Felia was raised in a home with a loving dad and an intellectual mom who was cold and exacting. Wanting the approval of her mother, she chose the intellectual route and obtained a doctorate in her field of study. Alas, she still did not get the affirmation she craved from her mom. In her relationship with her husband, she craves affirmation constantly and cannot stand to be told that she has put a single foot wrong. When there is any disagreement, she becomes extremely combative and verbally abusive. She becomes the person she does not want to be. She becomes her mom.

Just like Julie, Martial, and Felia, we cannot choose our parents. We also don’t get to choose whether we receive the “Five A’s” or whether we are left with a wound.

What we can choose though is the degree to which we let the wound affect us. We can choose to get bitter or choose to get better.

While there are myriad of ways to get better — most involving some form of therapy or counselling — the way I got better involved neither. I got better over a very short period by considering these words that Jesus spoke:

Do not call anyone on earth your father; for One is your Father, He who is in heaven — Matthew 23:9

Soaking in these words, I realized that there is a difference between my father and my dad. My father is the One to whom I belong. He is the One in whose image I am made. He is One who determines my identity. My dad on the other hand is simply a care-giver. He is a steward. His stewardship is meant to last about 18 years or less, after which his job is done. But my father is different. His job is never done . He never leaves me nor forsake me.

I realized that my father did not wound me. It was dad who wounded me. Thus I realized I did not really have a father wound. I realized I was expecting my dad to give me only that which my father could give. By placing my “Five A’s” expectation on my dad, I was making him equal to my father, and in essence telling my father that I did not need him. In other words, I was idolizing my dad and dishonoring my father!

I also realized that the only way my dad could possibly come close to giving my the “Five A’s” is if he gets it from his father, who also happens to my father. I realized I was suffering because I had not cut out the middle-man.

Once I fully grasped the gravity of this revelation, my anger and pain at not receiving affection and affirmation from my dad was gone. I did not need them from my dad, I needed to get them from my father. So I shifted my focus from my imperfect dad and placed then squarely on my perfect father. I allowed him to speak in my heart and mind. As I got to know my father more, I found his words to be true:

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest — Matthew 11:28

You don’t have to suffer from your daddy and mommy wounds. You too can go to your perfect father and have give you the very thing you crave. He is waiting.

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I know I am Not Getting Married On My Wedding Day

couple-hand-in-hand_925x_08866aab-9de4-43bb-b21e-d4418aea3ca3_1024x1024[1]I know it’s going to be beautiful. I know it’s going to be emotional. And I know it’s going to be memorable. Though many things will happen that day, I know one thing that won’t happen. I know that I won’t be married!

When I met my soon to be wife, we started the process of getting close to one another. After we got close to one another, we decided that we should be joined (wedded) together.

When we become wedded together in a few weeks, we will then begin the process of becoming one.

Aha moment: Marriage is a process, not an event. The wedding (joining together) event kickstarts the marriage (oneness) process.

I did not really consider that I wasn’t getting married on my wedding day until I paid close attention to a very popular saying during weddings.

“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh” – Genesis 2:24

If you read carefully, you will see that it talks of the joining (wedding) and then speaks of the oneness (marriage). It says that “they shall become”. The “shall” in the passage points to something that will happen in the future. Not something that has already happened.

This is how I know that the word ‘shall’ is not being used to denote spiritual oneness, which happens instantly. First, Genesis 2:24 is used in reference to Adam and Even before the fall. This means they were already spiritually one with God and spiritually yoked to one another. Spiritual separation happened only after the fall. Second, the passage specifies that it is talking about the flesh (the part we use to interact with the world).

In its more robust definition, one flesh refers to oneness in mind and body. It is this oneness of mind and body that the devil tested in the garden of Eden. As it so happened, Adam and Eve were not quite one yet in the flesh, and had not surrendered their flesh quite yet to the leadership of the spirit.

With this in mind, I started to view the process of getting married as being similar to the nuclear fusion process. It takes considerable binding energy (work) for the two individual atoms to come together — releasing surplus energy in the process. Likewise, for my wife and I to become fully one, I know we need to focus our energy on overcoming our “self-ish” tendencies. In the process, a lot of heat will be released as we do away with those things that add no value to our union — things such as our selfishness and our desire to be right.

Aha moment: The marriage process is designed to help us get rid of those undesirable traits in our lives.

I know that I will forever be changed through the process of marriage. Though I will still be present, I will have changed. I will be a different man. I will have become refined. A better man. So I embrace the process of marriage, knowing that the benefit in the end is worth the work. I choose to do the work. I will not settle for being joined to my wife in wedlock without becoming married to her. No! I will continue to press in and pursue a greater degree of closeness.

Aha moment: If we work on our marriage, our marriages will work.

After two atoms fuse together, the struggle is over. Maybe this is the reason so many unions struggle and fail. Maybe it is because the two have not fused into one in marriage.

I do not want to experience the same heartache. And I do not want a relationship that just survives. I want a marriage that thrives. Therefore, I choose to get married after my wedding.

What about you? Are you settling on a wedding or are you working on your marriage?

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A Love Letter to Single Christian Women Who Desire to Be Married

Dear Single Christian Woman,

If there was ever a woman who did not have any hope of getting married, it was me. My first husband was dead. I did not have a penny to my name. And I was going to a land where people from my country, especially the women, were not welcomed.

If you are wondering why our women were not welcomed, let me take you back in time:

A few hundred years back, women from my country, Moab, were sent to the men of Israel to seduce them with sex and idolatry. Although hidden through fancy words, the women basically propositioned the men with this: I will only allow you to sleep with me if you turn and worship my idol.

This proposition was part of a strategy executed by the King of Moab to keep Israel weak because he was afraid Moab would be conquered. See, the King had been advised that if the men turned away from God, God would not protect them.

The strategy worked!! Many men slept with our women and those men were slain. Since that episode, Israel has looked at people from Moab with much suspicion, especially the women.

With such history, I was sure that no man in Israel would be interested in a me, a newly converted Moabite. I mean, what was I going to say to any man I met?

Hey handsome, I am from Moab. I am new here. My mother in-law and I came here after my husband died and also because we heard there was food. I know you don’t think highly of Moabites, but I am different. I turned away from my idols and converted to your religion right before coming. So, know that you don’t have to worry about me worshipping idols. And since I am being honest, I want to tell you one more thing. I am broke and have to beg just to get by in life. That’s it. How would you like to take me out on a date?

With the odds stacked against me, I put the idea of marriage far away from my thinking, though I secretly desired it. Instead I focused all my attention on providing for my mother in-law and I. This I did by going from field to field, day after day, picking up any leftovers the ground keepers were kind enough to leave behind.

Though I was first largely left to myself in these fields, people started to warm towards me as they saw my industry, tested my character, and learned of my story. Then I happened upon a field owned by a man called Boaz. I collected more grain in his field than I had collected in other fields. I was grateful for his kindness but thought no more of it.

Thankfully my mother in-law was more discerning than me. She explained to me that it was unusual to come home with such large amounts of grain. She explained that Boaz must have taken an interest in me. I doubted her and said: Of all the women he could have, why would he be interested in me?  And if indeed he has taken an interest in me, then why hasn’t he pursued that interest? Why hasn’t he at least mentioned something to me?

My mother in-law simply laughed. She explained that there are men who can hardly speak to women because of shyness or for fear of being rejected. She said: You know how successful and well-respected Boaz is in the community. I am sure many women have been interested in him, and I am sure he has been interested in some of them. But I bet those women waited for him to approach them and pursue his interest in them. But you know his demeanor. He is quiet and unassuming. After waiting for a long time, these ladies either lost interest, felt rejected or simply thought of him as not being serious. They might have even thought he was not interested in marriage.

Undiscerning women! They waited for him to act in line with cultural norms and tradition, but he never did. Don’t be like the other women. He has shown interest in you. Now you have to leave no doubt in his mind that you are interested. He is the kind of man who does not take hints well. If you like him, you have to pursue the interest he has shown in you.

Scared and fighting against my own fear of rejection, I followed my mother in-law’s advice. I showed him that I was available and told him what I desired. Instead of finding my actions appalling, he found it appealing. My honesty and openness gave him the boldness and confidence to pursue what he also desired. Marriage.

I later found out that he had secretly enquired about me and thought the world of me. If I had not listened to my mother in-law’s advice; if I had not decided to do something out of my comfort zone, I am pretty sure I would still be single today.

If you are a woman who desires to be married, there is hope. If I could end up married with the odds stacked against me, then you can too. There is no predefined process to follow, so get rid of any picture you may have conjured in your heart about how it is going to happen. Whether he pursues you or you pursue him is inconsequential. The only thing that matters is that you are both interested in each other and that you are honest and open about your feelings and intentions.

Take a chance. Take a leap of faith. Don’t let religious traditions and cultural norms get in your way. In fact, feel free to break all the rules so long as you are not breaking any of God’s laws and principles. Remember, even Jesus broke many man-made religious rules without breaking God’s laws and principles.

Here are My 5 Love Lessons

  • Don’t allow the things you can’t do anything about stop you from pursuing your desire to married. When the right man comes along, he won’t care about things such as whether you were previously married, have kids, how old you are, etc.
  • Not every man is comfortable pursuing a woman. If you are interested in him, you may have to make the first bold and sure move.
  • There is no full-proof process to follow to get into a relationship and get married. The most important thing is to make sure that you choose wisely.
  • If you desired to be married, make sure you put your very best foot forward. And remember this if things don’t work out: There is no such thing as rejection, there is only redirection.
  • Sometimes you have to break with culture and traditions to get what you desire. Don’t let that stop you as long as you are not breaking God’s commandments.

With Love,

Ruth

P.S: You can read my love story and how I got married in the Book of Ruth in the bible

This blog post was shared with permission from www.relationshipminibooks.com

 

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Abrahams Blessings – How Much Do You Love Your Descendants?

In the previous post, we saw that Abraham’s initial disobedience delayed the blessings God had in store for him. We also saw that Abraham did not obey God fully. Though God told him to leave his relatives behind, he decided to take his cousin, Lot! You will see that this turned out to be a really bad move as you continue reading.

When Abraham finally decided to separate from Lot, being the kind of guy he was, he asked Lot to move to any portion of the land he desired. After scoping out the land, Lot decided to choose the fertile plains of the river Jordan. This meant that Abraham had to make due in the less fertile land of the wilderness (desert).

Soon after this occurred, God showed Abraham the implication of Lot’s decision to choose the fertile land. He showed Abraham that his descendants would spend 400 years in captivity in Egypt in a dream!

Our disobedience to God today can lead to grave consequences for our descendants tomorrow

See, it is not unusual for a famine to occur in desert lands. When a famine occurs, it is the people who live in the flood plains of a river that are protected.

Because Abraham took Lot with him, and Lot chose the plains of river Jordan, Lot’s descendants were shielded from the effect of the famine that hit the land. Conversely, Abraham’s descendants were forced to seek refuge in Egypt where there was plenty of food. Thus we see that Abraham’s decision to take Lot influenced their migration from Canaan to Egypt.

Our disobedience today can impact our descendant’s ability to stay in their land of promise

God, knowing all this was going to happen once Abraham made his decision to take Lot, allowed Joseph to be sent ahead of the famine so that the family would be welcomed in Egypt. So they stayed in Egypt (the land of Goshen) – in a good land where they grew in numbers and flourished!

But there was a problem. They were not in their promised land! Therefore, as they grew more prosperous, the Egyptians became more afraid. Instead of kicking them out of the land, the Egyptian Pharaoh decided to use their skill and strength to make his people wealthy. So he subjected them to serfdom!

Any flourishing we do in a place God has not called us to will end up being short-lived

When the time was right – when they had grown enough in numbers and the adversity of Egypt had toughened them up enough – and they called out to God for help, God sent them a deliverer (Moses).

Now they were ready to go back and take back the land promised to them. If they had gone back sooner, they would not have had the strength nor the numbers to fight for the land they left.

This is the domino effect of Abraham’s decision to take Lot:

  • Lot chose the fertile land, leaving Abraham to choose the wilderness
  • Abraham’s descendants had to leave Canaan for Egypt because they lived in the desert when famine struck
  • Others took over the land that was theirs when they had to leave
  • Abraham’s descendants loved the fertile land of Egypt and decided to stay (they would have had the fertile land in Canaan if Abraham had not taken Lot)
  • Abraham’s descendants had to grow and strengthen so they could go back to Canaan to fight for the promised land
  • The Egyptian Pharaoh became afraid of their numbers and made Abraham’s descendants life miserable
  • Abraham’s descendants ultimately went back to Canaan and got back the land that was theirs…including the fertile Plains of the Jordan.

In conclusion, if you really love your family, you will do what God asks you to do, even if your decision is not popular with your family members.

 

 

 

 

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Abraham’s Blessings – Qualify To Live The Blesssed Life

God told Abraham to move away from Mesopotamia and away from his relatives (Acts 7:3). What did Abraham do? Absolutely nothing! Like many of us, he disregarded God’s word. He did this for a good worldly (not godly) reason. He did not want to be away from his family! But the problem is this: In doing so, he chose his family ahead of God. He chose temporary home security over permanent godly significance!

If we want to qualify for Abraham’s blessings, we will have to choose God above family

When he did finally move away from Mesopotamia, it was not because he wished to do so. It was because his father (Terah) decided it was time to move away (Genesis 11:31).

Abraham respected and loved Terah. So, he delayed obeying the voice of God until Terah passed away.  This is why Abraham is believed to be about 75 years old until he finally made the move to his land of promise.

We must position ourselves in the right place to be eligible for Abraham’s blessings

What if Abraham had decided to obey when the glory of God first appeared to him so many years ago? Would he have lived the blessed life sooner?

We are just like Abraham aren’t we?. We want God to speak to us. Then He speaks to us and we still do what we want to do. Then we wonder why we the blessings God promised us are delayed! Only difference is this: While we tend to blame God, Abraham did not. He knew that the only way to receive the blessings was to walk in obedience.

We cannot pray our way to receiving the blessings of Abraham, we can only obey our way to it

Now, even when Abraham obeyed God when his father died., he did not fully obey. He left his family behind except for his cousin (Lot) whom he took with him – a disobedience to God’s command of leaving his relatives behind.

Here is the impact that act of disobedience had: When Lot was with Abraham, God promised Canaan to His descendants (Genesis 12:7). Only when Lot and Abraham separated did God say to Abraham that he and his descendants would inherit Canaan (Genesis 13:14-15).

See, Abraham himself was not included in the inheritance until he obeyed God completely. Until then, only his descendants were included!

Partial obedience may still qualify your descendants for the blessing BUT only complete obedience qualifies you for the blessing

God does not just desire for our descendants to enjoy the blessed life, He desires for us to enjoy the blessed life. While it is great for us to work so our children enjoy the fruit of our labor, it is greater that we enjoy the fruit of our labor with our children. Such is the beauty of Abraham’s blessings.

In conclusion, if we desire to qualify to live the blessed life, then we must listen to God, put nothing above Him, and obey Him completely.

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How to Get That Godly Christian Guy to Choose You

After you get that godly Christian guy to approach you, it is time to work towards getting him to choose you. Just like in How to Get That Godly Christian Guy To Approach You, we will use the  biblical story of Rebekah and Eliezer found in Genesis 24 to help you discover how to get that godly Christian guy to choose you.

(1) Show Him Respect: All men have a deep desire to be respected. When you respect a man, you give him something that he longs for deep in his heart. He will love you for it. Respect from a woman gives a man a sense of belonging, security, and validation. No matter how macho and walled up he may seem, any disrespect will wound him. When Rebekah met Eliezer, she understood the importance of showing him respect. She started off by calling him ‘my lord’, though she had never met him in her life (Genesis 24:18). With those words, she elevated Eliezer who was a servant into a position of higher importance. Now, I am not saying you should go literally calling any guy ‘my lord’. What I am saying is that the principle still applies today. If you want that godly Christian guy to choose you, then you should show that godly Christian guy some respect.

(2) Show Him You Care: Some say that if you like a guy, you should pretend that you do not care about him. I beg you to reconsider if you have been following that advice, especially if you want that godly Christian guy to approach you. See, a godly Christian guy is not going to be into playing games. Do what Rebekah did. When Eliezer asked her for a drink of water, she not only drew water for him but she also draw water for his entourage of camels (Genesis 24:19). By doing this, she was showing him that she did not just care for his well-being, she cared and was willing to take care of his property. She was showing him that what was important to him was important to her. If you have a godly Christian guy you in your life, be sure to care for those things he cares about.

(3) Show Him You Are Committed: Rebekah did not stop drawing water for Eliezer’s camels until they had finished drinking (Genesis 24:19). Camels drink a lot of water, especially after travelling a long journey. Eliezer had ten of them and they had just travelled hundreds of miles. So, Rebekah had to go back to that well multiples times to draw water. By choosing to draw water until the camels had finished drinking, she showed Eliezer that she was willing to go the extra mile. If you want that godly Christian guy to choose you, make sure you are not one to change your mind as quick as the wind changes direction. Make sure you show yourself to be committed.

(4) Show Him You Are Hard-working: The story tells us Rebekah ran back to the well to draw water to the camels (Genesis 24:20). She didn’t labor back. She didn’t walk back, but she ran until all the camels had well drunk. Here, she was showing Eliezer that she was a goal-getter. She had purpose of mind and set about finishing what needed to be done. A godly Christian guy has a life purpose he is working at fulfilling with gusto. He wants to know you are a person that won’t relent either. Show him you are willing to put in the work.

(5) Show Him You Are Trustworthy: Rebekah drew for his camels just as she said she would (Genesis 24:20). Like Rebekah, being a woman of your words is important. Say what you are going to do and do what you say you. When a godly Christian guy knows he can trust you, he will open his heart up to you.

 

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How to Get That Godly Christian Guy To Approach You

“It is rough out there for a woman who does not want to compromise her Christian values”, says Stephanie. She is a fantastic women who desires to be married but is not willing to compromise her values. She has settled in her heart not to get married just for the sake of it. Instead she wants to build a loving, committed relationship that lasts a lifetime. She is not the only godly Christian lady who think this. Many have said to me: Just because a guy is a Christian does not mean he is godly. Where are the godly Christian men?

Godly Christian men still exist, though they may be hiding underneath a veil of shyness.  If you really desire a godly guy, there are things you can do to compel them to come out of their shell.

Some of these things may put off some men. Don’t worry about that. You are more interested in quality than you are quantity.

If you want that godly Christian guy to approach you, there are two biblical things you must practice. These are the two things that made Eliezer approach Rebekah (read Genesis 24:16-17)

(1) Take Care of Your Appearance: Everything that good makes is good (Genesis 1:4). So how God made you uniquely with your specially designed features is good. Still, you are a steward of everything God has given you. Being a good steward of your body means that you keep healthy and keep your appearance in check. When Eliezer met Rebekah, he saw that she was beautiful in appearance. This was a factor in him approaching her.

The implication is this: It is your external appearance that lures people to you before they get a chance to see how wonderful a person you are. So while it is true that no one should judge a book by its cover, you want to make sure your cover does not completely turn people off. Therefore, if you want that guy to approach you, take heed to your appearance. Wear a charming smile, make sure your body language is open and makes you approachable, dress well, and keep fit.

(2) Know Your Worth: Being beautiful, I am certain many men wanted to get with Rebekah. Yet she did not give herself away to just anyone. We know this for she remained a virgin. She knew she was like fine china – she knew she was valuable and wasn’t going to surrender herself for everyday use. Here is how Jesus put this concept: Do not cast your pearls before pigs. Why did Jesus say this? It is because pigs do not understand the value of pearls and so trample them as if they were common.

God does not regard you as common but calls you His special treasure. Therefore, uphold your values, maintain godly standards, and do not treat yourself as valueless. Do not worry if you have not always treated yourself as valuable. You can’t do anything about yesterday. Today is the day to start. Though you may drive insecure men away, the men who are worth it will value and cherish you.

There is nothing more attractive to a godly Christian man than a fine woman who knows her worth and understands her value.

Next: We will look at how to get that godly Christian guy to choose you

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