Three Questions You Should Ask Before Marriage

I had the privilege of witnessing a friend’s engagement atop the Sugarloaf Mountain. It was a cool and comfortable night. The spectacular city of Rio de Janeiro offered a breath-taking view.  The large statue of Christ was lit in its full glory. The night sky was in its full splendor as it wowed visitors with a wonderful lightning display in the sky.  For my friend, the timing couldn’t have been more perfect!

There was a healthy number of people with us on the mountain that night who witnessed his girlfriend’s excitement as she said ‘Yes’ to the man of her dreams.  After a longing look and loving embrace, the unbridled joy etched on the faces of the newly engaged couple was so undeniable evident that it could only be missed if perhaps aliens invaded the city!

We cheered, we laughed, and we sang.

When I returned to Baton Rouge, I was met with the grim reality of the experience of marriage for many. A casual friend I had not seen for a while walked up to me at the end of service with heavy tear-laden eyes. Hardly able to get the words out, he stuttered and whispered his way to telling me that he and his wife were getting a divorce after almost seven years of matrimony.

I could not help but think of the contrasting scene and news in the space of a few days. One, a happy beginning and the other, a sad end.

That roughly 50% of all marriages end in separation is a warning of how quickly dreams can turn into nightmares! Since no one starts with the intention of turning their dream into a nightmare, the divorce statistic is proof that something is amiss in marriages.  While the answer to the conundrum of failing marriages in not clear cut, there are some questions everyone about to enter into marriage should ask and answer honestly to see if they have a good shot at winning in the game of love.

Am I in love?

The word in love suggests that one can be out of love. And truly, many people say they have fallen out of love or are no longer in love with their partner.

The kind of love that one can fall in and out of is that which is based on feelings (emotions), sentiment, and fondness. In the Greek language, it is called phileo love. This kind of love is based on what your partner adds to you. While it may not necessarily be selfish, it has a tendency to be self-centered.

This kind of love is often dismissed in some circles because it can be fleeting, is many times based on circumstances, and is self-centered. But I will not do that here.  If you do not ask yourself if you are in love is to deny that you have needs and wants from a relationship. To avoid this question is to lie to yourself!

It is okay to ask if you have feelings for the person, if you are fond of the person you are with, and if you look at your partner with affection. Here is the crucial part: You must not stop at if but you must ask yourself why.

Why points to the heart of the matter. How you answer the why says a lot about your partner but says a lot more about you. It reveals whether you love yourself or are simply operating out of fear! No one is ever truly fond of a person who mistreats them unless they themselves have been disturbed by something in life or they have no way to escape. If you are fond of the person only for what they can do for you, then you have become selfish!

Fearfulness (lack of trust) and selfishness (unwillingness to compromise or yield) will always ruin a relationship.

When you ask yourself why, look at the content of your partner’s character! Look at who they are and what their life shows you. You can gather a lot of this information by listening to the person’s words, and looking at how they spend their time and their resources. This is because often repeated words, time, and resources always reflect priority and heart.

Having phileo love seldom guarantees the success of a marriage union. There is the need for agapeo love

Do I love My Partner?

The question, do I love my partner is different from am I in love with my partner. While one can fall in and out of phileo love, we either agapeo love or we do not. It is that simple! While phileo love is based on feelings, sentiment, and fondness, agapeo love is all about commitment and dedication and does not consider circumstances!

A rock solid agapeo love is needed to ride the waves of life and the roller-coaster of phileo love. Unfortunately, too many people spend their lives building and developing phileo love – through emotion charged compliments, flowers, gifts – and spend very little time developing agapeo love.  The reason commitment never seems to last these days is because the commitment is based on feelings, sentiment, and fondness (phileo love).

Agapeo love is based on who you are versus who the person is. It is about what you add to the person versus what the person adds to you. This kind of love which is unconditional is always willing to reconcile, forgive, and work at issues unto restoration.

It does not confuse weakness and wickedness in a person. Since it does not seek its own, it does not seek perfection. It recognizes the journey of love and is willing to suffer.

The question agapeo love asks is this: A person will disappoint and hurt me, so who I am willing to suffer for? Jesus (who had agapeo) love for humanity thought is worthwhile and worthy to suffer for humanity though we did not deserve it.

If you are not willing to go through hard times, willing to hurt, willing to suffer, willing to forgive, willing to lay down your life, then you do not love your partner. You only love what your partner can do for you (phileo)!

The question, do I love my partner can only be answered Yes if you truly have love for mankind in your heart.

How Do I See My Partner?

A different way of asking this question is who is my partner to me? Do you see your partner as friend, lover, leader (spiritual and otherwise), powerful, royal, helper, anchor, and asset? Or do you see them as timid, fearful, abdicator, scattered, and double-minded?

It is important to be honest with yourself as your answer will determine whether you can (1) respect your partner (2) whether you will follow your partner’s leadership (3) whether you will be comfortable in yielding.

Your answer will determine if your household with be peaceful, whether there will be secret resentment in your heart, if there will be insecurity in your relationship, and whether the union is more of a battle than it is a partnership.

In the bible, Peter saw Jesus as his Messiah – Lord and Savior – and so was able to stand in relationship and fellowship with him until the end. Judas on the other hand only saw Jesus as a potential king and so betrayed him and left him alone when Jesus would not do what Judas thought He should have done!

So, how do you see your partner?  

Conclusion

Jesus asked Peter the three questions above: Do you phileo love me (John 21:16)? Do you agapeo love me (John 21:17), who do you say I am (Mark 8:29). Being Jesus, he already knew the answers!  

Do you know the answer to these questions? If not, then you are wise to ask yourself about the one who is to become a rock in your life. Your answer may very well determine the future. Do you agree?

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Two Very Good Reasons to STOP Reaping All That You Sow

Everybody wants to reap love but nobody wants to sow it; it is easier to reap than it is to sow!

As I pondered this statement, it came to mind that one of the reasons it is seems easier to reap than it is to sow is because reaping is the realization of the reward that sowing promises. Sowing is done in hope while reaping is done in faith – since faith is the evidence or realization of things hoped for (Heb. 11:1).

Light-bulb moment:  The end result of sowing in hope and watering the seed of hope with the word of God is a harvest of faith.

As I continued to ponder, I realized that just as the process of developing faith is not easy, the process of reaping is not easy. As an example, the process of reaping wheat is just as laborious as sowing it. It involves putting the sickle to work, gathering the wheat harvest, threshing the wheat on threshing floor, and separating the wheat from the chaff.

But just as the difficulty of reaping yields a tangible reward, the difficulty of developing faith results in triumph and victory in our lives (see 1 John 5:4). Moreover, the faith we attain is meant to help produce victory in other people’s life as well – just as the 5000 men on the side of the mountain ate from the fruit of the faith Jesus had in God.

Light-bulb moment: The seed of hope we plant is not just meant to produce victory in our lives but victory in the people around us.

In other words, people around us should be able to reap where they have not sown! That other people should be able to reap from the produce of our land is not my opinion but has biblical roots, Here is how God puts it:

And when you reap the harvest of your land, you shall not completely reap the corners of your field when you reap, neither shall you gather any gleaning of your harvest: you shall leave them unto the poor, and to the stranger: I am the LORD your God – Leviticus 23:22

This passage (along with many others) reveals God’s heart for the stranger (anybody not related to us) as well as the poor. Indeed, He has commanded us to take care of our fellow man out of a heart of love.

As if love for our fellow man was not a strong enough incentive to obey this commandment, God also makes it worth our while when we do it. Here are two reasons it is good for us to stop reaping all that we sow!

God prospers and promotes us

God has promised to bless the work of the hands of those who have a generous heart and to bless all that they involved in (Deut. 14:29; Deut. 15:10). In other words, He will make all you invest in profitable, He will get you a raise at your job, and He will prosper your business.

God is saying that you should give of your time and your resources of the things that reflect His heart instead of trying to maneuver your way at work, play politics, and kiss up to the boss.

Boaz (in the book of Ruth in the bible) was a man who followed the commandment to leave gleanings in the field for the stranger and the poor. The bible tells us that he was a man of great wealth (Ruth 2:1)!

Light-bulb moment: If you want to become wealthy, develop a heart of generosity in love and stop reaping all you sow. Do not wait to become wealthy before you become generous.

It opens up doors of opportunity

The only reason Boaz was able to come across Ruth is because he left some gleaning in the field. If he had not, Ruth would simply have passed through his field. But Boaz was a generous man who left a lot to the stranger and the poor. He had so much left over grain in his field that Ruth spent the entire day there (Ruth 2:7)! This in turn allowed Boaz to inquire about Ruth – which in turn led to him taking her as a wife.

See, Boaz’s generosity and desire to please God in whom he delighted opened the door of opportunity for him to meet his wife. He gave what he did not need (barley) and he got what he wanted (a wife)!

If you are not meeting the right people, it may very well be that the right people (those who have a good heart) have no reason to stop by your place.

Light-bulb moment: A good reason to stop reaping all you sow is so that you may get those things you desire in your heart. 

Food for Thought: I open the door of opportunity to blessings tomorrow when I leave a little bit of my harvest for the stranger today.

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Success Secret from Jesus – Day 9 – Courage

COURAGE

And He found in the temple those who sold oxen and sheep and doves, and the money changers doing business. When He had made a whip of cords, He drove them all out of the temple, with the sheep and the oxen, and poured out the changers’ money and overturned the table —John 2:14–15

Jesus was indignant when he discovered that the temple had been turned into a business office. Even so, he did not allow his anger to turn into blind rage but was able to control his anger – as evidenced by him taking his time first to make a whip of cords. His anger served to accomplish a righteous purpose – return the temple back to its purpose as a place of worship. Thus in purging the temple of traders, Jesus shows us the following:

Righteous (good-breathed) anger can be an effective tool when used in a controlled manner in appropriate situations (as determined by the Holy Spirit) for the purpose of correcting a wrong.

If we shift our focus away from anger, we see that Jesus acted courageously and in a godly manner. Whereas others may have felt that the temple was no place for merchandising, Jesus was the only one who was courageous enough to stand up to the money changers. Although he had no direct authority over those he chased away, he did not allow that to stop him from doing what was right. He took a bold stand and acted courageously while leaving the consequences to God. And so he righted a wrong.

COURAGE UNDER PRESSURE

Being believers, we ought to be filled with courage, for we know that God is for us. We should not allow our fear of the unknown to keep us from moving courageously toward the vision God has given us. Rather than focus on our obstacles, our niggling doubt, and the persistent whispers of naysayers, we must exhibit courage and press on toward our goal.

As evidenced by Rosa Parks, the African American civil right activist who has been touted as ‘the mother of the freedom movement,’ a single act of courage at the right time can change the course of history.

GODLINESS

It would have been easy for Jesus the “nice guy” to rationalize and justify the traders’ activity in the temple. He could have convinced himself that the oxen and sheep made it easy for the populace to give their burnt offerings; that the doves made it convenient for anyone to purchase them; and that the money changers made it easy for everyone to pay their tithes in the correct currency. No! Jesus the “godly guy” showed up. He did not condone bad behavior, but instead, he put an end to it.

While a nice person may enable bad behavior through inaction (often to his or her own detriment), a godly person always focuses on what is good and allows the chips to fall where they may.

Choosing godliness is not always popular. It does, however, command people’s respect and promote their confidence in you because of your adherence to high moral standards. Furthermore, godly people tend to attract other godly people who operate in the highest levels of integrity. So stand your ground today and walk in godly courage.

Check out Looking to Superman – The secret to success in life on superchampinc for more practical tips the experience of Jesus teaches us on being successful.

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The Person God Allows You to Throw into the Sea

Your life is a ship! You are not the owner of your ship – for the owner decides the destination – you are the captain. As the captain, you decide which route to take on your way to your set destination. Though you may not have had a say concerning who boarded the ship, once on the ship, you have the authority to decide who stays on the ship and who to cast off at every port on the way to your destination.

As captains, there are some people that we need to cast of our ship! In fact, God clues us into whom we can cast of our ship in the story of Jonah. God gives us permission to cast off those that are willfully and deliberately walking in disobedience and out of the will of God. Before you click away in anger, consider this:  God allows us to throw people overboard for our own good as well as for the good of the person who is stubbornly and willfully walking in disobedience. Remember that in the story of Jonah, Jonah did not perish in the sea but was rescued by a whale. Likewise the traders did not perish due to Jonah’s disobedience. Instead, their lives and livelihood were preserved.

Here are 2 good reasons to get rid of willfully disobedient people in your life

You save yourself from unnecessary trouble

But Jonah arose to flee to Tarshish from the presence of the Lord. He went down to Joppa, and found a ship going to Tarshish; so he paid the fare, and went down into it, to go with them to Tarshish from the presence of the Lord. But the Lord sent out a great wind on the sea, and there was a mighty tempest on the sea, so that the ship was about to be broken up – Jonah 1:3-4

The tempest or trouble that the traders experienced was because of the presence of Jonah on the ship. Similarly, trouble and unnecessary heartache is the result of having willfully disobedient people in your life, the end of which is a broken up life.

Reevaluate the company you are keeping if your life is less of cruise and more like a roller-coaster

You keep the fruit of your hard work

Then the mariners were afraid; and every man cried out to his god, and threw the cargo that was in the ship into the sea, to lighten the load. But Jonah had gone down into the lowest parts of the ship, had lain down, and was fast asleep – Jonah 1:5

The traders on the ship had to throw off the cargo they had accumulated to survive. They had no clue that the cargo weighing them down was Jonah.

Let no one fool you, disobedience is costly. Disobedience will always drain your resources on its way to claiming your life. Many parents know too well the cost of living with willfully disobedient children. It is mentally and spiritually draining and puts undue stress on marriage. Although extremely difficult, be brave to throw the person at the mercy of Jesus rather than allow the person to cause you to perish. Why allow you and the person you are protecting to perish when both you and the person can be delivered?

It is also interesting that Jonah was sleeping during the storm. He knew he was the cause of the storm and so he did not want to call out to God. Instead of helping out or taking responsibility, all he did was go to a quiet corner out of the way and fall asleep! Thankfully, the captain had the good judgement to wake him up and challenge him to do something!

Do not be surprised if the person causing the ruckus in your life is at peace while you are stressing out. As captains of our lives, we must tell the willfully disobedient person in our life to shape up or ship out.

So there it is! It is okay to throw the willfully disobedient person off the ship of your life (after much prayer and deliberation) just like the traders did with Jonah. God loves the person you have thrown overboard and will provide a whale to save them. Stop trying to play God in the person’s life and save them…remember that you cannot not even save yourself. We all need the help of God.

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Success Secret From Jesus – Day 8 – Excellence

Check out Looking to Superman – The secret to success in life on superchampinc for more practical tips the experience of Jesus teaches us on being successful.

EXCELLENCE

And He said to Him, “Every man at the beginning sets out the good wine, and when the guests have well drunk, then the inferior. You have kept the good wine until now.”
—John 2:10

The first miracle Jesus ever performed was to turn water into wine.  For this series, we will not focus on the significance of turning water into wine. Instead, we will focus on the excellence behind the very first work that Jesus. This first miraculous work set the stage for the quality of the subsequent work Jesus would perform. Jesus started excellently and finished excellently.

The water that Jesus turned into wine was so good that the master of the feast could not help but call the bridegroom to congratulate him on its quality. He said: “Every man at the beginning sets out the good wine, and when the guests have well drunk, then the inferior. You have kept the good wine until now.”

The wonderful thing about this portion of the story is that the bridegroom had indeed served his best wine first; yet the best wine he could find paled in comparison to the wine that had been produced from mere water. You see, the best that the bridegroom could offer paled in comparison to the best that Jesus offered.

Light-bulb moment: Excellence is found by allowing Jesus to have his way with us and work through us.

Let Your Excellence Speak for You
The quality of what we do must be excellent. The same Jesus who raised the bar when he turned water into wine is more than able to do an excellent work through us, because he lives in us. Thus, to be like Jesus, we have to make sure that our work output is excellent. If we do this, we find out that we are recognized in all we do just as the bridegroom was recognized for the wine that Jesus produced for him.

Its brilliant for us really. Jesus does the work, and we receive the plaudits for it. It not our work but Jesus working through us. Therefore, we must always give God the credit. We must avoid becoming puffed up by thinking that our success and fame is due to our own powers and abilities. It is only through the power of Christ in us that we are able to achieve anything

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Success Secret From Jesus – Day 7 – Respect and Honor

RESPECT AND HONOR

And when they ran out of wine, the mother of Jesus said to Him, “They have no more wine.” Jesus said to her, “Woman, what does your concern have to do with Me?…” Jesus said to them, “Fill the water pots with water.”
—John 2:3–4, 7

The passage of scripture above suggests that Jesus did not care for wine for he was not the least bit concerned that the host of the wedding party he was attending had run out of it. If he wanted wine, he was more than able with the powers he possessed to keep the drinks flowing and the party rocking without the prompting of his mother.But he did not do this. Instead he asked his mother why he should be bothered that the wine was finished.

Even though he was not bothered that the wine had run out, he knew that his mother cared; otherwise, she would not have mentioned it to him. He knew his mother likely wanted to spare the host the embarrassment of running out of wine and so he took action to honor her.

Light-bulb moment: The first miracle Jesus ever performed was done to honor his mother because he loved her and respect her

Show Respect and Honor

Just as Jesus respected and honored his mother because He loved her, love will always lead us to respect and honor others as well – especially our parents.

Light-bulb moment: Respect and honor is the end of actions driven by love

Since Jesus did not dishonor God while honoring his mother, we have to ensure that we are not concerned about honoring man more than we are about honoring God. Any action that honors man but dishonors is not born of love but born of self-seeking. Any action that is self-seeking will tend to sacrifice honesty and integrity; it will tend to look for ways to do crooked things in the name of gain! Anything gained out of crookedness is not succeeding, it is stealing and is wickedness!

The way to keep out crookedness is to cultivate a heart of love that seeks to respect and honor!

How do we honor God? We honor God through our love-based and heartfelt obedience to His voice. When we honor and respect God and each other, we are not only following the example of Jesus, but we are also building up favor and goodwill with man – something we will need to succeed.

Light-bulb moment: Respect and honor reveal an attitude of humility. While pride comes before a fall, humility endears us to people and ultimately leads to honor, riches, and life.

Check out Looking to Superman – The secret to success in life on superchampinc for more practical tips the experience of Jesus teaches us on being successful.

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Success Secret From Jesus – Day 0 – Live in the Present or Die in the Past

Your Past History Does NOT Have to Determine Your Future Success

Your future depends on your ability to surrender your past to the Lordship of Jesus and your present to the leadership of the Holy Spirit. Jesus paved the way by showing us that is possible to overcome impossible odds. So, please dust yourself up and reclaim the wonderful promises that are yours in Jesus Christ. The world needs you and me to walk in love.

“No eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no mind has imagined what God has prepared for those who love him.” – see I Corinthians 2:9

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Success Secrets From Jesus Series – Introduction

Jesus is the most successful man who ever lived.

His accomplishments are simply staggering. In only three short years, he changed the course and history of the world, undid the muck of the past which Adam unleashed upon the earth, defeated the power of sin and death, reconciled us to God—thereby guaranteeing salvation to those who choose him—and made available all covenant blessings and promises in him.

Jesus is also the most famous man that ever lived.

Not bad for a person who was a carpenter by trade huh! Indeed, the name of Jesus is the most recognized name on earth despite the fact that he has been gone for over 2000 years. Now that is some staying power! If Jesus could do all this in three years, how much can we do in a lifetime if we would just commit ourselves to becoming like him? The extent to which we commit ourselves to following his example will (1) determine the level of success we achieve (2) determine whether that level of success is fleeting or lasting. It is best to model yourself after Jesus if you want long, lasting, and fulfilling success in all areas of your life.

Start your journey on being a success right here:  Devotion

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Success Secrets From Jesus – Day 6 – Innovation

INNOVATION

And Jesus went about all Galilee, teaching in their synagogues, preaching the gospel of the kingdom,and healing all kinds of sickness and all kinds of disease among the people.
—Matthew 4:23

Jesus spent at least 18 years getting ready for His calling (age 12 – age 30). He spent that time learning and growing. He grew in wisdom, boldness, and self-control – three essential starting qualities that well must develop if we are going to achieve to anything noteworthy in our life.

Light-bulb moment: An overnight success takes years of dedication and preparation.

Jesus did not go about fulfilling His purpose until He was adequately prepared and tested in the wilderness. His purpose was to fill the relationship gap between man and God – a gap which had existed since the fall of man.

Analogous to Jesus, God created each of us for a special purpose: to meet a need or to fill a gap that exists in this world. The Scripture reveals this to us in many places, including Ephesians 2:10. In this verse, we are told that God prepared good works (a purpose) for us before we were born so that we may walk in and fulfill them.

What stands out about Jesus is the way he went about fulfilling his purpose. He did things that no one before him had ever done—healing people en masse through the power of the Holy Spirit (Matt. 4:23). Jesus brought something new to the table, and his fame grew as a result (Matt. 4:24). His fame was essential to make people aware of the kingdom that he was going to make freely available to all through his death and resurrection.

Light-bulb moment: Our fame will grow only if we bring something new to the table.

Bring Something New to the Table
Like Jesus, we have been empowered to innovate. We must engage the gift of innovation and creativity as we walk in our purpose and carry out the task that has been assigned to us. First, we have to make sure that our activities (our jobs, ventures, or businesses) address a need and fill a gap. Second, we simply cannot do what everyone before us has done and expect a high level of success or recognition; we cannot simply take the well-worn path without adding something new into the melting pot. It is when we innovate to meet a long-standing need that people take notice; consequently, our fame grows. It is then that we are likely to have good success.

Food for Thought:

“Two roads diverged in a wood, and I — I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference” – The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost

Check out Looking to Superman – The secret to success in life on superchampinc for more practical tips the experience of Jesus teaches us on being successful.

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Success Secrets From Jesus – Day 5 – Boldness

BOLDNESS

Again, the devil took Him up on an exceedingly high mountain, and showed Him all the kingdoms of the world and their glory. And he said to Him,“All these things I will give You if You will fall down and worship me.” Then Jesus said to him, “Away with you, Satan! For it is written, ‘You shall worship the Lord your God, and Him only you shall serve.’”
—Matthew 4:8–10

Desperate people do desperate thing! Satan was desperate to hold on to the power he knew Jesus would eventually wrestle away from him on the cross. How absurd the deal Satan presented to Jesus! He was saying to Jesus: Jesus, I will give you the very things that you created and originally possessed if you bow down to me. How about it?

Let me explain how silly this proposition is:  Imagine you are a potter who created a bunch of pots and someone tricked it away from your servants hand. Then that person says they will give you all the pots back as long as you work for them! No one is their right-mind would take that deal.

Light-bulb moment: Someone in their wrong-mind – shortsighted and greedy for gain – will always take a bad deal.

So we see that Satan was trying to see if Jesus was greedy for gain, to see if Jesus was in a hurry, to see if Jesus would yield to self-preservation rather than suffer on the cross.

To reiterate, how could the kingdoms being “offered” to Jesus really belong to him when the condition was for Jesus to worship him (Satan)? Jesus understood that it could not. So Jesus passed the test and rightfully told Satan to get lost.

Be Bold and Get Ghost

We have to boldly tell our stinking thinking to get lost if we are to be successful. Furthermore, better than telling our stinking thinking to get lost is telling whatever is filling our mind with useless thoughts to get lost. While many believers have no problems telling Satan to get lost, many people still find it difficult to extricate themselves from people and situations that take away from their lives.

Light-bulb moment: We must pass the test of boldness if we are ever to succeed in life

The Scriptures tell us that evil company corrupts good habits (1 Corinthians 10:33). Any relationship that does not lead to success is not of God; godly relationships (done God’s way) are always successful. This is because God has never failed and is not about to start now. This relationship can be someone or something. Whichever the case, we must be bold enough to get rid of it if it is ungodly!

To get ghost means to disappear something. Success requires that we get ghost those influences that should not be in our circle of influence.

Jesus had enough of Satan after 40-days encounter with Him. The question is this: What are you holding onto or who are you holding onto that you should not be entertaining? Today, be bold and get ghost of them from your life.

Check out Looking to Superman – The secret to success in life on superchampinc for more practical tips the experience of Jesus teaches us on being successful.

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