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What Women Want from Men (Part III)

In the first two parts of this series, we have seen that it is important for a woman to feel secure in her relationship and to have true companionship.

The third thing women want from men is to know she is SIGNIFICANT

Put another way, a woman wants to know that she is valuable and important in the life of her man. She wants to know that she occupies first place in his life (apart from God). She wants to know that those things she considers important are also important to the man in her life.

Take for example anniversaries and birthdays. Should a man forget an anniversary, it communicates to her that he does not hold the occasion important AND in turn communicates to her that he does not hold her important.

Men, she needs to know that she is a significant part of your life. Simple things such as involving her in the decision making process (and truly listening to her) makes her know that she is valued. Letting her know what she brings to your life will go a long way in making her feel loved.  Complimenting her on her new hairstyle shows her that you care about her.

A woman wants to feel significant as a woman

While men and women are equal, we are not the same. God has made the woman different from the man so that she may complement man. This is why the wife is called a ‘helper’ in the bible. Women bring wonderful qualities such as undying and unyielding love, empathy, care, softness, and incredible resilience (just to name a few) to the table.

A woman needs to know that these qualities are significant and appreciated by the man in her life.

Light-bulb moment: Men, if you do not appreciate the natural qualities of a woman, then you are saying that God made a mistake in the way He made her!

Unfortunately, the world has lied to many men and women that many of the qualities women possess make them weak. This is why many women do not feel comfortable in their own skin because they feel that they need to be ‘manly’ and exhibit ‘manly qualities’ to be significant and to be taken seriously.

Light-bulb moment: While a woman is a weaker vessel physically, there is nothing weak about who she is and the qualities that she possesses.  

The key point is this: A woman wants to know that she is valuable because of who she is and NOT because of what she does. She does not want to have to prove her worth to her man by doing what he does.

A woman who does not feel significant will start to compete with the man in one form or the other. If she feels she cannot compete, she either become overly submissive or will become overly combative – always pointing out what is wrong in her man.

Light-bulb moment: If a woman is tearing you down all the time for no reason, it is likely because she feels valueless (her opinion does not count). It is likely because this is the only way she knows to even the playing field.

Men, please do not fall into the trap of trying to get a woman to become like you. After all, we need softness to complement our hardness. After all, every beast needs a beauty. When you show your woman that she is significant, you are validating her femininity and womanhood. This way, she knows that she is a pearl of great prize instead of a pearl that has been cast into a pit

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What Women Want from Men (Part II)

The second thing women want is COMPANIONSHIP

Note: Read Part I of this series to discover the first thing women want

Women want conversational companionship

Many women feel lonely despite being in relationships. This loneliness is often expressed as one of the biggest complaints women have when it comes to the men in their lives. They say, ‘He will not speak to me’! Most of the time, this comes as a shocker to many men who feel they are speaking to their women all the time.

What these men do not understand is this: ‘He will not speak to me’ complaint from a woman goes beyond shallow conversation. Women want to have deep, intimate, heart-felt conversations with their partners!

They want to know their partners hopes and dreams and want to share their own hopes and dreams with their partners. They want a man who can bare his soul – a man who can show passion and vulnerability. In a sense, women want a man they can CONNECT with on a deep level.

To women, lack of vulnerability and lack of passion in conversation shows lack of connection and may even evoke feelings that the man does not trust her or care about her. So she feels neglected. She feels that she is going along with the ride but not truly connected to the ride.

Men, women do not want a ‘roommate’ or a ‘housemate’. Women truly want a connection of heart and soul – they want a soul mate. They truly want two to become one.

Men, if a woman lacks this connection, she may try to get involved in your day and your dealings. If she is doing this, it is not because she does not trust you to lead. It is because she simply wants to be involved in your world

Light-bulb moment: Conversational companionship goes a long in ensuring ‘two truly become one’.

Women want physical companionship

I can just see many men jumping for joy just at the mention of physical companionship. While sex is part of what this means ONLY IF married, physical companionship goes much beyond sex.

Physical companionship is all about physical intimacy. In turn, intimacy goes beyond action but touches the emotions and heart behind what is being done.

A little brush of the hand, a knowing smile, a longing stare into each others eyes, or a heart-felt hug all count as physical companionship. In reality, physical companionship is about the man being PRESENT IN THE MOMENT and being SENSITIVE to the emotional needs of a woman in a physical way. For example, physical companionship can even be cutting short a conversation that you sense that your wife does not feel comfortable having with another person. By doing this, she feels protected and loved by you through your action. 

In truth, it is easier to have this physical chemistry when conversational chemistry has been developed. This physical chemistry is the way people speak without speaking!   

Tip for Men

The best way to develop true companionship with your woman is to read the bible with her and to pray with her. The word of God, which naturally deals with the heart, will open up heart issues that both you and your partner can pray about (after allowing the word of God to have the final say on it). The key for this to work is to focus on your own lives. Do not make a mockery of this process by always talking about how the word of God applies to other people.

Light-bulb moment: Vertical companionship with God will always lead to horizontal companionship with your partner.   

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What Women Want from Men (Part I)

Men are often clueless when it comes to what women want! The lack of skill in handling women has left many men frustrated in their relationships.  The movie What Women Want highlights this dilemma. In it, ladies man Mel Gibson had absolutely no idea what women really thought about him. He thought he had women figured out but he had no clue!

He had no idea how far off base he was when it came to women until an accident gave him the ability to hear women’s thoughts. But even after this, he did not know what to do what the thoughts he heard for they differed from woman to woman!

The last point brings me to this disclaimer: No one can say they have mastered what women want. To think this would be ignorance at best. Even so, the things that I am about to share is likely to help any man in his relationship. Of course, women will ultimately be the best judge of this.

So, what do women want? The first thing women want is SECURITY

Women want a secure man

Women feel secure with men who are secure in who they are and what they want in life. It brings a sense of stability and security. Indeed, how can a woman be secure that she can be led by a man if the man does not show that he can lead himself?

Nothing fills a woman more with insecurity than a secretly insecure man. It makes the woman feel as if the man is trying to hide something. This in itself makes women feel very uncomfortable.  The discomfort and insecurity that the lack of manly security evokes in women often shows up as the woman wanting to control the relationship. It may also show up as a power struggle in the relationship.

Men, if women are not showing you the respect you want, it is likely because there is something about you she is insecure about.

Light bulb moment: A secure man is one who finds his security in God. A secure man is one who can share his insecurity with his woman.

Women want to feel secure in the relationship   

Honesty is the key for a woman to feel secure in any relationship. The key advice for men is this: Be honest and truthful with her every time and all the time. Do not hide the truth even if you know she will be disappointed with you.

The lack of honesty and truthfulness in a man is a deal breaker for most women. She will think: If he is lying to me about this, I wonder how many other things he is lying about? Once this thought starts to enter into the mind of a woman, it is nigh impossible for her to get rid of them. Conversely, when a man is honest, the woman feels secure that she knows what she has – even if it is not the best thing.

Many women leave relationships not because of what was done but because their men were unable to tell the truth about it. In other words, while what was done may sink your relationship to the bottom, the bottom of truth and honesty can be the bedrock to rebuild the relationship.

Light-bulb moment: A woman who is secure in her relationship will feel free to focus on all that God has called her to be because she does not have to worry about her future. 

Women want to feel secure financially   

Financial security for a woman does not necessarily mean that she wants the man to be the bread winner of the house. It does mean that she wants to be secure in the knowledge that the man can take care of her if the need arises. This is especially true when she starts to bear children.

Many women secretly carry ‘momma guilt’ for leaving their kids and having to go to work. Moreover, many women resent needing to work. They want the option to work but need to know they have the option to stay home if they so choose.

Today, too many women choose to work despite not having to do so because they are insecure in their relationship. This comes across as ‘I do not want to depend on a man’. This saying normally comes from a woman who is fearful and insecure in her relationship or who has been deeply hurt.

But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever – 1 Timothy 5:8

Light-bulb moment: Nothing unleashes the full potential of a woman than a secure man who provides financial and relationship security.

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