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Men, How Do You Know If You Have Found the Right Woman?

‘A man who finds a wife finds a good thing’. I have heard this verse spoken of in the context of how a man should pursue a woman and how he should treasure and love his wife. As I was reading the scripture a few days ago, I was compelled to make the sentence negative. If you do this, you’d get ‘A man who does not find a wife does not find a good thing’.

Is God telling us that he wants every one of us to be single? Heavens no (although there is nothing wrong with being single)! Is God telling us that we should chase after someone who is married? God forbid…that is wrong! What God is telling us is that He wants us to find a woman who is already married to Him… that is why the scripture says ‘A man who finds a wife’!

 

She makes God No. 1 in her life

Her first husband is God. Since her first marriage is to God, He is to take first position in her life and you are to be No.2. And so He should be No.1 for He is better at everything! You should not try to compete with God for the first place in her heart because you cannot compete. You are not as loving as God, you are not as strong as God, you are not anywhere close to being as selfless as God…you cannot make her nearly as happy as God can. So you must not try to take a position that rightfully belongs to God!

Remember the phrase ‘Happy wife, happy life’? If you want her to be happy and want to be happy, then you have to encourage her relationship with God. So have you been pushing her closer to her first love or are you trying to take the place of her first love? Only he gives her life purpose and controls her destiny. Do you want to have your way with her or do you want God to have His way in her life?

A man who finds a woman who is married to Jesus finds a good thing

She is faithful to her first Husband

God is wonderful and marvelous! He is the prince of peace and the author of all good things! If she is not faithful to that kind of a husband, then how can you expect her to be faithful to you?

If she is running after other lovers (idols) and committing harlotry while married to God, then do not be surprised when she continues the practice while with you. Moreover, do not be surprised if you are one of the lovers that she has run towards. Note that any woman who is willing to sacrifice her faithfulness to God to please you has made you an idol. Since all idolatry leads to pain, all you will do in the end is cause her pain. Do not make yourself the idol who causes her to compromise God.

What you want is a faithful woman. A faithful woman is a helper. She will help you stand strong in the Lord when you start to stray. Do not despise such a woman!

A man who finds a woman who is faithfully married to Jesus finds a good thing

She is a good thing

Since only God is good (Mark 10:18), being a good thing means that she is a God-thing. A God-thing will reflect the characteristics of God. More often than not, she will produce the fruit of the Spirit and be a virtuous woman. You will sleep easy at night with such a woman; trust is no issue for she is a God-thing. You know that the intent of thoughts of her heart is to do you good.

Imagine a woman who reflects the things of God. That is a woman who is worth cherishing and sacrificing yourself over. See, it is easy to love and sacrifice yourself for a wife. So let her bring you love, joy, peace, and victory by remaining a God-thing.

A man who finds a woman who is faithfully married to Jesus finds love, joy, and peace! 

So men, let us not be afraid of a wife! If you are courting, do not say…oh man she is super-spiritual. Do not say…oh man, she does not want to be alone with me past 9 pm! Let us step to the plate and become husbands ourselves prior to getting married.

She who is found by a husband is found by a good thing.

 

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The Peril of Being Unequally Yoked!

We should not deceive ourselves. Our existence is more likely to resemble that of Penelope Pit-stop who stumbled into peril after peril, if we are unequally yoked within ourselves (see Ready for Marriage – Are you equally yoked?) and become yoked with an unbeliever (see Unequally yoked – So you think you are marrying a believer!). Should we become unequally yoked, we find that we encounter the hooded claw of life’s dangers; it is only the mercy and grace of God that keeps us from disaster. Therefore, it is best to avoid testing God by choosing to be unequally yoked – both individually and corporately.

The peril of being unequally yoked in a relationship

Many a men have experimented with marrying unbelievers to disastrous ends. The first ones to try were the sons of God who took the daughters of men as their wives (see Genesis 6:2). By choosing not to yoke themselves with the daughters of God, but instead with those that were not being led by the Spirit of God, their hearts turned towards evil.

“For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God” – Romans 8:14

God was not well-pleased with man’s disobedient decision! Rather than strive with man, He first decided to shorten man’s life to 120 years and then proceeded to send a great flood to wipe man off the face of the earth – except for Noah and those housed in his ark! Hmm! All other men ultimately perished because godly men decided to become unequally yoked with ungodly women.

Note: While emphasis is being placed on men because the Word says that it is a man who finds a wife (see Proverbs 18:22), it goes without saying that women have to ensure they are marrying godly men as well.

Lightbulb MomentLight-bulb moment:  Our thoughts turn towards evil when we decide to yoke ourselves with ungodly partners. Eventually, those evil thoughts manifest into heavy burdens that lead us away from the victorious life God intended for us and potentially shorten our life-span.

Rather than learn from the earliest of warning against being unequally yoked and heeding the warnings of Moses and Joshua, King Solomon decided to marry ungodly women. As a result, he lost his kingdom which was split into two (Judah and Israel) and ushered in a period of prolonged idol worship (spanning many kings) that led previously loyal territories (such as Moab and Edom) to revolt.

If we choose not to learn from the Word, which is profitable to us for correction (see 2 Timothy 3:16) and choose to yoke ourselves with unbelievers, we have no one to blame for the unnecessary troubles (that God can fix) we heap on ourselves.

The peril of being unequally yoked with ourselves

When we do not bring our minds (soul) into full alignment with our spirit (which has been infiltrated by the Holy Spirit) via the transformation that comes from the perennial renewal of our minds with the Word of God, we find that we become double-minded. We find ourselves flip-flopping between being led by the Spirit and being led by our own fleshly desires. We yo-yo between fear and faith and so never gain a productive and full harvest, for we never fully nurture the seeds of faith we have been given with the water of the Word.

The mark of the unequally yoked believer is inaction, indecision, procrastination, timidity, vacillation, and an overall lack of boldness. Such a one is a good starter but a poor finisher – for sustained effort is hard to achieve without sustained faith.  If we are unequally yoked, we find that we make many plans and conquer many kingdoms with our mouths! Worse of all, we do not receive anything from God

“For let not that man (who doubts) suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways” – James 1:7 – 8

How sad it is that we do not receive anything we ask for, simply because we will not allow our minds to be renewed by the Word.

Lightbulb MomentLight-bulb moment: We cannot just tick the box of reading the Word, but we have to prepare the soil of our hearts so that the Word can renew our minds and so transform us into who we truly are in Christ

Rather than yoke ourselves to our flesh, we are wise to yoke ourselves to the Spirit and join the winning team.

Food for Thought: No one who has ever yoked themselves to Christ has ever been defeated!

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