January 16, 2019 · 7:30 am

I know I am Not Getting Married On My Wedding Day

couple-hand-in-hand_925x_08866aab-9de4-43bb-b21e-d4418aea3ca3_1024x1024[1]I know it’s going to be beautiful. I know it’s going to be emotional. And I know it’s going to be memorable. Though many things will happen that day, I know one thing that won’t happen. I know that I won’t be married!

When I met my soon to be wife, we started the process of getting close to one another. After we got close to one another, we decided that we should be joined (wedded) together.

When we become wedded together in a few weeks, we will then begin the process of becoming one.

Aha moment: Marriage is a process, not an event. The wedding (joining together) event kickstarts the marriage (oneness) process.

I did not really consider that I wasn’t getting married on my wedding day until I paid close attention to a very popular saying during weddings.

“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh” – Genesis 2:24

If you read carefully, you will see that it talks of the joining (wedding) and then speaks of the oneness (marriage). It says that “they shall become”. The “shall” in the passage points to something that will happen in the future. Not something that has already happened.

This is how I know that the word ‘shall’ is not being used to denote spiritual oneness, which happens instantly. First, Genesis 2:24 is used in reference to Adam and Even before the fall. This means they were already spiritually one with God and spiritually yoked to one another. Spiritual separation happened only after the fall. Second, the passage specifies that it is talking about the flesh (the part we use to interact with the world).

In its more robust definition, one flesh refers to oneness in mind and body. It is this oneness of mind and body that the devil tested in the garden of Eden. As it so happened, Adam and Eve were not quite one yet in the flesh, and had not surrendered their flesh quite yet to the leadership of the spirit.

With this in mind, I started to view the process of getting married as being similar to the nuclear fusion process. It takes considerable binding energy (work) for the two individual atoms to come together — releasing surplus energy in the process. Likewise, for my wife and I to become fully one, I know we need to focus our energy on overcoming our “self-ish” tendencies. In the process, a lot of heat will be released as we do away with those things that add no value to our union — things such as our selfishness and our desire to be right.

Aha moment: The marriage process is designed to help us get rid of those undesirable traits in our lives.

I know that I will forever be changed through the process of marriage. Though I will still be present, I will have changed. I will be a different man. I will have become refined. A better man. So I embrace the process of marriage, knowing that the benefit in the end is worth the work. I choose to do the work. I will not settle for being joined to my wife in wedlock without becoming married to her. No! I will continue to press in and pursue a greater degree of closeness.

Aha moment: If we work on our marriage, our marriages will work.

After two atoms fuse together, the struggle is over. Maybe this is the reason so many unions struggle and fail. Maybe it is because the two have not fused into one in marriage.

I do not want to experience the same heartache. And I do not want a relationship that just survives. I want a marriage that thrives. Therefore, I choose to get married after my wedding.

What about you? Are you settling on a wedding or are you working on your marriage?

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December 5, 2018 · 9:05 pm

A Love Letter to Single Christian Women Who Desire to Be Married

Dear Single Christian Woman,

If there was ever a woman who did not have any hope of getting married, it was me. My first husband was dead. I did not have a penny to my name. And I was going to a land where people from my country, especially the women, were not welcomed.

If you are wondering why our women were not welcomed, let me take you back in time:

A few hundred years back, women from my country, Moab, were sent to the men of Israel to seduce them with sex and idolatry. Although hidden through fancy words, the women basically propositioned the men with this: I will only allow you to sleep with me if you turn and worship my idol.

This proposition was part of a strategy executed by the King of Moab to keep Israel weak because he was afraid Moab would be conquered. See, the King had been advised that if the men turned away from God, God would not protect them.

The strategy worked!! Many men slept with our women and those men were slain. Since that episode, Israel has looked at people from Moab with much suspicion, especially the women.

With such history, I was sure that no man in Israel would be interested in a me, a newly converted Moabite. I mean, what was I going to say to any man I met?

Hey handsome, I am from Moab. I am new here. My mother in-law and I came here after my husband died and also because we heard there was food. I know you don’t think highly of Moabites, but I am different. I turned away from my idols and converted to your religion right before coming. So, know that you don’t have to worry about me worshipping idols. And since I am being honest, I want to tell you one more thing. I am broke and have to beg just to get by in life. That’s it. How would you like to take me out on a date?

With the odds stacked against me, I put the idea of marriage far away from my thinking, though I secretly desired it. Instead I focused all my attention on providing for my mother in-law and I. This I did by going from field to field, day after day, picking up any leftovers the ground keepers were kind enough to leave behind.

Though I was first largely left to myself in these fields, people started to warm towards me as they saw my industry, tested my character, and learned of my story. Then I happened upon a field owned by a man called Boaz. I collected more grain in his field than I had collected in other fields. I was grateful for his kindness but thought no more of it.

Thankfully my mother in-law was more discerning than me. She explained to me that it was unusual to come home with such large amounts of grain. She explained that Boaz must have taken an interest in me. I doubted her and said: Of all the women he could have, why would he be interested in me?  And if indeed he has taken an interest in me, then why hasn’t he pursued that interest? Why hasn’t he at least mentioned something to me?

My mother in-law simply laughed. She explained that there are men who can hardly speak to women because of shyness or for fear of being rejected. She said: You know how successful and well-respected Boaz is in the community. I am sure many women have been interested in him, and I am sure he has been interested in some of them. But I bet those women waited for him to approach them and pursue his interest in them. But you know his demeanor. He is quiet and unassuming. After waiting for a long time, these ladies either lost interest, felt rejected or simply thought of him as not being serious. They might have even thought he was not interested in marriage.

Undiscerning women! They waited for him to act in line with cultural norms and tradition, but he never did. Don’t be like the other women. He has shown interest in you. Now you have to leave no doubt in his mind that you are interested. He is the kind of man who does not take hints well. If you like him, you have to pursue the interest he has shown in you.

Scared and fighting against my own fear of rejection, I followed my mother in-law’s advice. I showed him that I was available and told him what I desired. Instead of finding my actions appalling, he found it appealing. My honesty and openness gave him the boldness and confidence to pursue what he also desired. Marriage.

I later found out that he had secretly enquired about me and thought the world of me. If I had not listened to my mother in-law’s advice; if I had not decided to do something out of my comfort zone, I am pretty sure I would still be single today.

If you are a woman who desires to be married, there is hope. If I could end up married with the odds stacked against me, then you can too. There is no predefined process to follow, so get rid of any picture you may have conjured in your heart about how it is going to happen. Whether he pursues you or you pursue him is inconsequential. The only thing that matters is that you are both interested in each other and that you are honest and open about your feelings and intentions.

Take a chance. Take a leap of faith. Don’t let religious traditions and cultural norms get in your way. In fact, feel free to break all the rules so long as you are not breaking any of God’s laws and principles. Remember, even Jesus broke many man-made religious rules without breaking God’s laws and principles.

Here are My 5 Love Lessons

  • Don’t allow the things you can’t do anything about stop you from pursuing your desire to married. When the right man comes along, he won’t care about things such as whether you were previously married, have kids, how old you are, etc.
  • Not every man is comfortable pursuing a woman. If you are interested in him, you may have to make the first bold and sure move.
  • There is no full-proof process to follow to get into a relationship and get married. The most important thing is to make sure that you choose wisely.
  • If you desired to be married, make sure you put your very best foot forward. And remember this if things don’t work out: There is no such thing as rejection, there is only redirection.
  • Sometimes you have to break with culture and traditions to get what you desire. Don’t let that stop you as long as you are not breaking God’s commandments.

With Love,

Ruth

P.S: You can read my love story and how I got married in the Book of Ruth in the bible

This blog post was shared with permission from www.relationshipminibooks.com

 

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November 17, 2018 · 5:24 pm

Abrahams Blessings – How Much Do You Love Your Descendants?

In the previous post, we saw that Abraham’s initial disobedience delayed the blessings God had in store for him. We also saw that Abraham did not obey God fully. Though God told him to leave his relatives behind, he decided to take his cousin, Lot! You will see that this turned out to be a really bad move as you continue reading.

When Abraham finally decided to separate from Lot, being the kind of guy he was, he asked Lot to move to any portion of the land he desired. After scoping out the land, Lot decided to choose the fertile plains of the river Jordan. This meant that Abraham had to make due in the less fertile land of the wilderness (desert).

Soon after this occurred, God showed Abraham the implication of Lot’s decision to choose the fertile land. He showed Abraham that his descendants would spend 400 years in captivity in Egypt in a dream!

Our disobedience to God today can lead to grave consequences for our descendants tomorrow

See, it is not unusual for a famine to occur in desert lands. When a famine occurs, it is the people who live in the flood plains of a river that are protected.

Because Abraham took Lot with him, and Lot chose the plains of river Jordan, Lot’s descendants were shielded from the effect of the famine that hit the land. Conversely, Abraham’s descendants were forced to seek refuge in Egypt where there was plenty of food. Thus we see that Abraham’s decision to take Lot influenced their migration from Canaan to Egypt.

Our disobedience today can impact our descendant’s ability to stay in their land of promise

God, knowing all this was going to happen once Abraham made his decision to take Lot, allowed Joseph to be sent ahead of the famine so that the family would be welcomed in Egypt. So they stayed in Egypt (the land of Goshen) – in a good land where they grew in numbers and flourished!

But there was a problem. They were not in their promised land! Therefore, as they grew more prosperous, the Egyptians became more afraid. Instead of kicking them out of the land, the Egyptian Pharaoh decided to use their skill and strength to make his people wealthy. So he subjected them to serfdom!

Any flourishing we do in a place God has not called us to will end up being short-lived

When the time was right – when they had grown enough in numbers and the adversity of Egypt had toughened them up enough – and they called out to God for help, God sent them a deliverer (Moses).

Now they were ready to go back and take back the land promised to them. If they had gone back sooner, they would not have had the strength nor the numbers to fight for the land they left.

This is the domino effect of Abraham’s decision to take Lot:

  • Lot chose the fertile land, leaving Abraham to choose the wilderness
  • Abraham’s descendants had to leave Canaan for Egypt because they lived in the desert when famine struck
  • Others took over the land that was theirs when they had to leave
  • Abraham’s descendants loved the fertile land of Egypt and decided to stay (they would have had the fertile land in Canaan if Abraham had not taken Lot)
  • Abraham’s descendants had to grow and strengthen so they could go back to Canaan to fight for the promised land
  • The Egyptian Pharaoh became afraid of their numbers and made Abraham’s descendants life miserable
  • Abraham’s descendants ultimately went back to Canaan and got back the land that was theirs…including the fertile Plains of the Jordan.

In conclusion, if you really love your family, you will do what God asks you to do, even if your decision is not popular with your family members.

 

 

 

 

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November 15, 2018 · 8:02 am

Abraham’s Blessings – Qualify To Live The Blesssed Life

God told Abraham to move away from Mesopotamia and away from his relatives (Acts 7:3). What did Abraham do? Absolutely nothing! Like many of us, he disregarded God’s word. He did this for a good worldly (not godly) reason. He did not want to be away from his family! But the problem is this: In doing so, he chose his family ahead of God. He chose temporary home security over permanent godly significance!

If we want to qualify for Abraham’s blessings, we will have to choose God above family

When he did finally move away from Mesopotamia, it was not because he wished to do so. It was because his father (Terah) decided it was time to move away (Genesis 11:31).

Abraham respected and loved Terah. So, he delayed obeying the voice of God until Terah passed away.  This is why Abraham is believed to be about 75 years old until he finally made the move to his land of promise.

We must position ourselves in the right place to be eligible for Abraham’s blessings

What if Abraham had decided to obey when the glory of God first appeared to him so many years ago? Would he have lived the blessed life sooner?

We are just like Abraham aren’t we?. We want God to speak to us. Then He speaks to us and we still do what we want to do. Then we wonder why we the blessings God promised us are delayed! Only difference is this: While we tend to blame God, Abraham did not. He knew that the only way to receive the blessings was to walk in obedience.

We cannot pray our way to receiving the blessings of Abraham, we can only obey our way to it

Now, even when Abraham obeyed God when his father died., he did not fully obey. He left his family behind except for his cousin (Lot) whom he took with him – a disobedience to God’s command of leaving his relatives behind.

Here is the impact that act of disobedience had: When Lot was with Abraham, God promised Canaan to His descendants (Genesis 12:7). Only when Lot and Abraham separated did God say to Abraham that he and his descendants would inherit Canaan (Genesis 13:14-15).

See, Abraham himself was not included in the inheritance until he obeyed God completely. Until then, only his descendants were included!

Partial obedience may still qualify your descendants for the blessing BUT only complete obedience qualifies you for the blessing

God does not just desire for our descendants to enjoy the blessed life, He desires for us to enjoy the blessed life. While it is great for us to work so our children enjoy the fruit of our labor, it is greater that we enjoy the fruit of our labor with our children. Such is the beauty of Abraham’s blessings.

In conclusion, if we desire to qualify to live the blessed life, then we must listen to God, put nothing above Him, and obey Him completely.

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October 9, 2018 · 9:42 pm

How to Get That Godly Christian Guy to Choose You

After you get that godly Christian guy to approach you, it is time to work towards getting him to choose you. Just like in How to Get That Godly Christian Guy To Approach You, we will use the  biblical story of Rebekah and Eliezer found in Genesis 24 to help you discover how to get that godly Christian guy to choose you.

(1) Show Him Respect: All men have a deep desire to be respected. When you respect a man, you give him something that he longs for deep in his heart. He will love you for it. Respect from a woman gives a man a sense of belonging, security, and validation. No matter how macho and walled up he may seem, any disrespect will wound him. When Rebekah met Eliezer, she understood the importance of showing him respect. She started off by calling him ‘my lord’, though she had never met him in her life (Genesis 24:18). With those words, she elevated Eliezer who was a servant into a position of higher importance. Now, I am not saying you should go literally calling any guy ‘my lord’. What I am saying is that the principle still applies today. If you want that godly Christian guy to choose you, then you should show that godly Christian guy some respect.

(2) Show Him You Care: Some say that if you like a guy, you should pretend that you do not care about him. I beg you to reconsider if you have been following that advice, especially if you want that godly Christian guy to approach you. See, a godly Christian guy is not going to be into playing games. Do what Rebekah did. When Eliezer asked her for a drink of water, she not only drew water for him but she also draw water for his entourage of camels (Genesis 24:19). By doing this, she was showing him that she did not just care for his well-being, she cared and was willing to take care of his property. She was showing him that what was important to him was important to her. If you have a godly Christian guy you in your life, be sure to care for those things he cares about.

(3) Show Him You Are Committed: Rebekah did not stop drawing water for Eliezer’s camels until they had finished drinking (Genesis 24:19). Camels drink a lot of water, especially after travelling a long journey. Eliezer had ten of them and they had just travelled hundreds of miles. So, Rebekah had to go back to that well multiples times to draw water. By choosing to draw water until the camels had finished drinking, she showed Eliezer that she was willing to go the extra mile. If you want that godly Christian guy to choose you, make sure you are not one to change your mind as quick as the wind changes direction. Make sure you show yourself to be committed.

(4) Show Him You Are Hard-working: The story tells us Rebekah ran back to the well to draw water to the camels (Genesis 24:20). She didn’t labor back. She didn’t walk back, but she ran until all the camels had well drunk. Here, she was showing Eliezer that she was a goal-getter. She had purpose of mind and set about finishing what needed to be done. A godly Christian guy has a life purpose he is working at fulfilling with gusto. He wants to know you are a person that won’t relent either. Show him you are willing to put in the work.

(5) Show Him You Are Trustworthy: Rebekah drew for his camels just as she said she would (Genesis 24:20). Like Rebekah, being a woman of your words is important. Say what you are going to do and do what you say you. When a godly Christian guy knows he can trust you, he will open his heart up to you.

 

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October 7, 2018 · 6:22 pm

How to Get That Godly Christian Guy To Approach You

“It is rough out there for a woman who does not want to compromise her Christian values”, says Stephanie. She is a fantastic women who desires to be married but is not willing to compromise her values. She has settled in her heart not to get married just for the sake of it. Instead she wants to build a loving, committed relationship that lasts a lifetime. She is not the only godly Christian lady who think this. Many have said to me: Just because a guy is a Christian does not mean he is godly. Where are the godly Christian men?

Godly Christian men still exist, though they may be hiding underneath a veil of shyness.  If you really desire a godly guy, there are things you can do to compel them to come out of their shell.

Some of these things may put off some men. Don’t worry about that. You are more interested in quality than you are quantity.

If you want that godly Christian guy to approach you, there are two biblical things you must practice. These are the two things that made Eliezer approach Rebekah (read Genesis 24:16-17)

(1) Take Care of Your Appearance: Everything that good makes is good (Genesis 1:4). So how God made you uniquely with your specially designed features is good. Still, you are a steward of everything God has given you. Being a good steward of your body means that you keep healthy and keep your appearance in check. When Eliezer met Rebekah, he saw that she was beautiful in appearance. This was a factor in him approaching her.

The implication is this: It is your external appearance that lures people to you before they get a chance to see how wonderful a person you are. So while it is true that no one should judge a book by its cover, you want to make sure your cover does not completely turn people off. Therefore, if you want that guy to approach you, take heed to your appearance. Wear a charming smile, make sure your body language is open and makes you approachable, dress well, and keep fit.

(2) Know Your Worth: Being beautiful, I am certain many men wanted to get with Rebekah. Yet she did not give herself away to just anyone. We know this for she remained a virgin. She knew she was like fine china – she knew she was valuable and wasn’t going to surrender herself for everyday use. Here is how Jesus put this concept: Do not cast your pearls before pigs. Why did Jesus say this? It is because pigs do not understand the value of pearls and so trample them as if they were common.

God does not regard you as common but calls you His special treasure. Therefore, uphold your values, maintain godly standards, and do not treat yourself as valueless. Do not worry if you have not always treated yourself as valuable. You can’t do anything about yesterday. Today is the day to start. Though you may drive insecure men away, the men who are worth it will value and cherish you.

There is nothing more attractive to a godly Christian man than a fine woman who knows her worth and understands her value.

Next: We will look at how to get that godly Christian guy to choose you

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September 29, 2018 · 7:24 pm

The Keys to Achieving 360 Degree Success In Life

I live in north Houston in a community that seems perfect on paper. If you were to drive through this township, you would think everyone lived perfect lives. Yet the lay ministers and leaders in the churches know better. I am one of those ministry leaders. While many in this community have achieved what many would consider external success, many of these people are internally broken.

If success is broken up into two parts – internal and external success – then most of the people I serve are only experiencing 180 degrees of success.

This is not God’s best. In the bible, we are told that God blessed Abraham in ALL things (Genesis 24:1). This speaks to 360 degree success. Another author is the bible declares that above all things, he wishes that we prosper in ALL things (3 John 2).

Therefore, we know that God’s best is that we experience 360 degree success! The question is how?

How to Achieve Internal Success

Internal success can be defined as experiencing inner peace, love, joy, and rest, deep within our soul. This type of success cannot be earned by working harder. It is a result of growing our intimacy with God. Without genuine living faith in God, we find ourselves overwhelmed with fear, worry, anxiety, insecurity, and restlessness. These are the very things that ruin our personal relationships and disrupt all areas of our lives if we do not get a handle on them. How do we get a handle on them? Deepen our relationship with God for he is the author of peace, love, joy, and rest.

To experience internal success requires that we take what Jesus considers the greatest commandment seriously: Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength (Matthew 22:37).

How to Achieve External Success

External success is defined as success that is earned through our own initiative. Said another way, this type of success is up to us. It requires working hard, persevering, discipline, and so forth. But here is the reality. Doing the things mentioned above does not automatically guarantee external success.

To be successful requires two things: First, you have to operate within the sphere of your gifting (the one thing that you are uniquely created, skilled and have an innate ability to do). Second, you have to use your gifting to help solve people’s problems.

Therefore, the first question you should ask yourself if you want to experience external success is this: What problems are people experiencing in my community that I am able to solve?

This is where love comes in. By its very nature, love always seeks to solve a problem because it cares so much! In fact, those who love people are always looking to solve people’s problems – to make people’s lives easier, to take away their burden, to make people’s lives better. Therefore, we see that love is creative, committed, perseveres, works hard, takes initiative, and so forth by its very nature. This is why Jesus considers loving your neighbor as yourself the second greatest commandment (Matthew 22:39)

 Food for Thought: Paying attention to the two greatest commandments will create 360 degree success. This will in turn make you a powerful influencer for good in your community

 

Two Greatest Commandments

Jesus replied, “‘You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ 40 The entire law and all the demands of the prophets are based on these two commandments.”

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September 15, 2018 · 8:43 pm

3 Lessons To Teach Your Children Before They Inherit Your Money

According to the bible, we should all strive to have enough saved up for our grandchildren to inherit (Proverbs 13:22). If you have already achieved this goal, congratulations, for you have done something very few in society today have been able to do. Most are struggling to save enough money for retirement talk-less of leaving an inheritance to their children.

Now you need to prepare your children for the inheritance they will receive. Failure to do this may turn what is meant to be a blessing for your children into a curse. Without adequately preparing them, they may squander the family wealth or even worse, they may use the money to destroy themselves.

As you think about how to prepare your children before they inherit your money and assets, consider these words of King Solomon (a man widely regarded as the wisest man to ever live):

Wisdom is good with an inheritance,
And profitable to those who see the sun.
For wisdom is a defense as money is a defense,
But the excellence of knowledge is that wisdom gives life to those who have it.

Here are some life lessons you should share with your children

(1) Be Wise With Your Money: The majority of people who inherit a large sum of money blow it and leave nothing to their children. For those that inherit wealth in the tens of millions of dollars, statistics show that the money is usually gone by the 3rd generation. Why is this? It is because people let money get to their heads and they stop acting wisely. It is important to be wise with money. Those who are wise with their money (by becoming financially knowledgeable) can invest it wisely – to grow it so they can use it for philanthropic purposes and to create business that help create jobs for people so they can hep their families. In this way, the wisdom of those who have money become profitable for people all over.

(2) Do Not Put Money Above God: In his first letter to the Corinthian church, the Apostle Paul writes that Jesus became wisdom for us (1 Corinthians 1:30). Since the Son is God, this means that there is no wisdom without God. By substituting Wisdom for God in the words of King Solomon, we see the words ‘God is good with an inheritance and (God is) profitable to those who see the sun (those who are alive). Why the emphasis on God? It is because money makes a good slave but is a terrible master. When money rules, our world falls apart. But when God rules, our world falls in place. For an inheritance to be profitable to us and others, it must never take the place of God in our heart and life.

(3) Money Will Not Bring You 360 Degree Success In Life: Money is a defense against many troubles that life throws us. Anybody who has a lot of money likely do not have to worry about sustenance or security. The stats also show that having money is a defense against divorce amongst many other things. Bu there is the thing. Wisdom is also a defense. A person who walks in wisdom does not need an inheritance to be wealthy but can build it from the ground up. But the beauty of wisdom is that it is more than a defense against troubles. Wisdom is a source of victory in our lives. Unlike money, wisdom can enrich our lives by bringing love, joy, peace, goodness, faithfulness, courage, boldness, kindness, might, and many other intangibles. Therefore, we must not be like those who have money but are dead inside. We must keep wisdom as the principal thing (Proverbs 4:7)

What steps can you take today to be wiser with your money? 

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September 2, 2018 · 7:47 pm

Keeping Up False Relationship Appearances

Chris and Shan’ann Watts relationship looked good on the outside. Chris seemed like a great family man who loved his wife. Shan’ann raved about him on Facebook. All good right? Wrong!  It was all smoke screen and mirrors.

We now know that Chris Watts was having an affair. We know the relationship was on the rocks. And we know that Chris Watts murdered Shan’ann.

As is often the case, the neighbors were stunned and saw no red flags…except one. Here is what that neighbor had to say in a People magazine exclusive:

“I think they were always putting on a show,” says Melinda Phillips, who recalls seeing Chris and Shan’ann “clearly having an argument” in their driveway one day earlier this summer.

“Their body language was really angry, and they were just fighting back and forth,” Phillips, 34, says. “He was gesturing his hands and they were shaking their heads, and it was definitely an argument.”

“I didn’t really think much of it, because Lord knows that I’ve had the same arguments with my husband,” she continues. “They caught my eye and suddenly, everything changed. They stopped being so angry, and they started talking a lot more calmly. He even gave her a hug. Mind you, this was in the space of 30 seconds to a minute.”

“From a full-blown fight to hugs in less than a minute, it was incredible,” she says.

Relationships are not always the way they seem to appear. In the case of Chris and Shan’ann, it seems they were keeping up false relationship appearances.

There are many reasons we keep up false appearances: We feel shame. We are embarrassed. We want people to like us. We want people to see us in a certain light (maybe because of out title or position). We don’t want to burden anyone. We don’t want anyone in our “business”.

If we get real, these reasons we give, and many others, come from an inner well of fear, pride, insecurity, or performance mentality. Fear of what people will say. Pride in our own ability to deal with our own issues. Insecurity concerning how we will be perceived if people knew the real us. Having a mentality that our self-worth is measured by how well we perform in life. 

Performance mentality is especially sneaky as we may not know it is there. As long as we are performing, it does not come up. The moment we do not perform the way we think we should is the moment it pops up and rocks our sense of self-worth. To gain back our sense of worth, we either try harder, blame others, or find a substitute that makes us feel like we are worthy again. In the case of relationships, this involves ditching the person we are with and latching onto a new relationship – either physically or emotionally.

If you are in a relationship, learn from Chris and Shan’ann Watts. Do not keep up false appearances. If you do so, all you are doing is stripping people who care about you of the opportunity to love you. You alienate yourself from the help you need. You rob yourself of having real relationships since no one really knows you…so loneliness sets in though you are not alone. And you set yourself a standard which says that living a lie is normal…living a lie is normal to those who are not happy.

For more on the Chris and Shan’ann Watts story, click on the People Magazine Exclusive here: Summer Before Triple Murder  

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August 18, 2018 · 6:07 pm

Moses’ Relationship Lessons

How I met Zipporah is the stuff of movies.

I was a fugitive on the run, high-tailing it from Egypt! I did not have a choice. I could have stayed to face the executioner’s ax or I could take my chances with the robbers, raiders, serpents and scorpions. I chose the latter. Therefore, I ended up in the desert…hungry, thirsty and half delirious.

I had many thoughts running through my head. Where would my next meal and drink come from? Would anyone show me mercy and take me in? Had I even made the right decision to leave Egypt? I was beginning to reason that an executioner’s ax would have been much swifter than this slow death in the middle of nowhere.

Then I saw it. An oasis in the distance. And this time, it wasn’t a mirage. I saw seven ladies and a few men but I couldn’t make out what was happening. I approached slowly, trying gauge the situation and practicing what I would say. I needed the right words so they would invite me in to rest without asking too many questions.

As fate would have it, I did not need any of those words. Those men were not friends but foe’s. They were raiders. I realized this was my opportunity to make a great impression. I sprung into action and thankfully succeeded in driving them away. I became an instant hero! That act not only won me a stay at the oasis but won over Zipporah’s heart.

Zipporah and I were happy. I went from being a fugitive to having a family. She went from being alone to having a man who could not leave her alone. And then came the day God I met. As I grew closer to God and learned of his purpose for me, Zipporah and I grew further apart. It was not her fault. She did not change, I did.

She did not understand God. To her, we had a good life. We were safe, secure, and had our family close by. She had questions: What type of God would want to take that away from those He loved? What type of God would put those he claimed to love in that path of peril?

She did not know God the way I knew Him. Actually, she did not know God at all. She only knew about Him. So, whereas I was filled with faith and hope, she was filled with fear and doubt.

Rather than focus on introducing her to God, I focused on calming her fears. That was a mistake. No matter how many times her fears went away, they always returned. Still, she reluctantly agreed to go back to Egypt with me. She loved me too much and did not want our family to be separated. Her only condition was that she get to know God first before introducing Him to our children. I agreed! I was certain that everything would change as she got to know God like I did.

To honor our agreement, I did not circumcise our boys as God had instructed me to do. That was another mistake. I almost lost my life as a result.

That whole experience was an eye-opener. First, I learned that God instructs us to keep us from unforeseen danger. Second, I learned that Zipporah really was not sold on God at all. She circumcised the boys to save my life but she was furious that she had to do it all. She was mad at both God and me.

So, though we went to Egypt together, we did not leave Egypt together. She did not like Egypt, did not believe in God, did not believe in what I was doing, and thought I was putting our family in danger for no reason. Therefore, she left with the boys.

It wasn’t until God delivered the slaves out of Egypt under my leadership did she come to believe in me and in God. By that time, our marriage was broken and beyond the point of no return.

Relationship Lessons

  1. You are setting yourself up for failure if you expect you and/or your partner to remain the same (and not change)
  2. The key to maintaining your relationship is making sure you change together
  3. It is not enough that you love each other, it is vital that you share the same vision for your lives. Having two visions leads to division
  4. It is better to be honest and truthful at the start rather than go along with something you know you can’t handle. When you
  5. Make sure you fix major relationship issues before introducing any major life changes.

Meditation

Can two walk together, unless they are agreed? – Amos 3:3

 

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