Tag Archives: Love

Don’t Live A Burger King Life

Burger King used the slogan ‘Have it Your Way’ to advertise its business for 40-years until 2014 when it scrapped it for a new slogan ‘Be Your Way’.

As you can see, the words ‘Your Way’ are common to both slogans. Regardless of which slogan resonates with you, the message from Burger King is clear: It Is All About You. While this message may be good for selling burgers, I caution you about using this tagline for the way you choose to lead your life.

When life becomes all about you, your world becomes smaller. As your world becomes smaller, it becomes more difficult to see beyond yourself. When you can’t see beyond yourself, you lose the ability to understand and empathize with other people. The moment you start to lose the ability to understand and empathize is the moment you start to drive a wedge between you and other people. When you drive a wedge between you and other people, you will start to live a separated and isolated life.

If you have to have it all your way in life, then you won’t have much of a life

Consider the words of King Solomon: A man who isolates himself seeks his own desire; He rages against all wise judgement (Proverbs 18:1). Another way of saying it is this: If you are only looking out for what you desire, you will end up isolating yourself. And if you isolate yourself, you are not wise.

If you isolate yourself, what will happen when you need help? Who will be there to lift you up when you are down? If you isolate yourself, you are more likely to open yourself to crazy thoughts and believe them. Who will warn you that your ideas are crazy? If you isolate yourself, who will promote you at work? Who will want to work with you? If you isolate yourself, you are more likely to feel lonely and depressed!

If life is all about you, you will end up by yourself in life

I once counselled a man who failed to realize his marriage was not about him. He told me he was perfectly content with how things were going in his marriage. He said he did not understand why his wife was so unhappy at the onset of their marriage.  He said he was shocked when his wife asked for a divorce after five years of marriage.

When I asked him why he did not seek help when they first started having issues, he told me he was happy and so saw no reason why he should have wasted money seeking help. He thought she would come around! He was wrong both about her and the money. She did not come around. And now he is spending more money in alimony and child support payments than he ever imagined! He did not think his attitude would cause him to lose his family!

If you are wise, you will learn from this man and learn from King Solomon. Make life about others and not solely about you. Here is how Jesus puts it: Love Your Neighbor as Yourself.

While it is okay to think of yourself, you shouldn’t forget to think of others

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Get A Grip On Your Emotions

Think of your emotions as people that life sends you. When these emotions get to you, they knock on the door of your house (heart and mind) and offer you feelings. If you open the door to the emotion that life sends you, it will try its best to convince your to take the feelings it holds in its hand.

Feelings are the gifts that emotions offer you.

If you have ever asked yourself ‘Why am I feeling this way?’, the reason is because you opened the door to the emotion that life sent you. If you do not want to feel a certain way, then you have two options: (A) Don’t open the door to the emotions life sends you (B) Get life to send you a different emotion.

Most people work on option A – not opening the door to the emotion life sends. When you hear people say ‘control your emotions’ or ‘manage your emotions’, they are telling you to work on option A.  While it is good advice, a problem with just following this advice is that the allure of emotions can be very strong and powerful. It is very difficult to distract yourself from the emotion  that is pounding on the door of your heart and mind.

Managing emotions takes a lot of time and concerted effort

It is even harder when the emotion life sends you is negative. Negative emotions blind side most of us because we do not know they are coming. All of a sudden, something unexpected happens and we suddenly find negative emotions knocking on our door. Caught unaware, we don’t have the energy or stamina to ward off the emotion. Hence, before we know it, we have invited the emotion into our mind and heart. If these negative emotion root themselves in our heart and minds, it derails our actions, our relationships, and the progress of our life. I prefer option B – getting life to send you a different emotion.

If you want to feel different, get life to send you a different emotion

Consider the scenario where you have been promoted to a new position that is completely foreign to you. You are either excited about the promotion and the opportunity to learn and do something new OR you are completely mortified that you will do a terrible job. The first emotion is joy which leads you to feel excited. The second emotion is fear which leads you to feel dread. So, which emotion is life going to send you? The answer is this: It depends on what you believe about the situation

Your belief system determines which emotion life sends you

If you want to alter your emotional state, you have to alter your belief system. Fear has been broken down into the sentence: False Evidence Appearing Real. If your belief system is controlled and rooted in fear, then that fear will trigger life to send you emotions associated with false evidence appearing real. Understand that the emotions are not the problem, the problem is that fear sends the wrong emotion because it is dealing with false evidence which appears true to you.

To get a grip on your emotion requires that you root fear out of your life

According to the bible, the opposite of fear is love. In fact, it says there is no fear in love, but that perfect love casts out fear (1 John 4:18). Therefore, the only way to root out fear is to introduce love. When your belief system is centered around love, it introduces the right emotions into a situation at the right time to produce the right result.

To get a grip on your emotion, you have to center your belief system around love

This does not mean that you will never feel those emotions you’d rather avoid (anger, sadness etc.). What it does mean is that you will feel them at the right time, for the right things, to the right degree. They won’t root themselves in you, thereby controlling you and becoming your master. They will come to serve you so that you can get through any situation.

When love sends you emotions, those emotions will serve you well

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Don’t Just Rush Into Marriage

Chemisty_and_Commonalities_Trap_Blog_Photo_2_1024x1024Bear with me for a second and imagine that you are about to buy a used car. Before signing on the dotted line, you would request the diagnostics on the car. You’d take the car for ride to see how it drives — paying attention to its feel, listening for any weird sounds, and checking all the features to ensure that everything works right. You might even get an experienced mechanic to examine the car and give you their professional opinion.

You go through all this trouble because you don’t want to buy an unreliable car that becomes a money pit! You know it is a substantial investment and you want to know exactly what you are getting. You want to make sure you are getting your money’s worth.

While buying a used car can be a risky investment, the investment risk is small compared to the risk we take when choosing which relationships we should invest in.

If you invest in a bad car, outside of your pride, the only thing that takes a hit is your financial standing. If you invest in a bad relationship, especially if it turns out to be a marriage relationship, your entire future may be in jeopardy. Yet, too many of us treat the decision of whom to enter into a relationship with as something that is trivial, compared to the due diligence we give to deciding whether to buy a car.

Our lack of due diligence is NOT due to a lack of concern. Rather, any concern we have is often overwhelmed by the emotional tidal wave that accompanies the prospect of getting what we desire — the desire to be in a committed relationship. While this emotional wave produces butterflies and feelings of happiness, it can blind us to glaring red flags. It can cause us to overlook and excuse away foundational problems that require fixing.

Choosing to ignore foundational problems when choosing whether to commit to a relationship is like choosing to ignore a used car’s check engine light and instead choosing to focus on how pretty the paint job looks on the car.

If you are going to give yourself the best chance of making the best decision relationship decision, there are 3 things you must do while dating.

Talk About the Ugly Stuff

No one is perfect! Everyone has issues! If you are not talking about the ugly stuff, the ugly stuff will talk to you when it shows up later in your marriage.

Analogous to diagnosing a car to see what is wrong before you buy it, you need to look at what is wrong and understand what you have to deal with in your relationship.

You want to go into your marriage with your eyes wide open

If you do not know for sure what you are dealing with, then it is likely that many things will surprise and disappoint you. You will feel as if your partner was dishonest with you and sold you on a lie. And you are more likely to want to bail out when in the truth comes out in those early days.

But if you know what you are facing, you can make a quality decision. You can place boundaries on your relationship to prevent the ugly from coming out. You will be better prepared for the ugly when it does come out.

Example: When Jack told Lori that he struggles with porn from time to time, they spoke about it and decided that he needed to install covenant eyes while they seek out help for him.

When you know what is not right before hand, you can make a plan to deal with it.

Be Honest About What You Can Handle

When buying a used car, there comes a point when you have to make a decision about whether you can handle the maintenance cost! The same is true of relationships. There is maintenance work required for any relationship not to break down. You have to decide whether you can handle it.

If you know that you cannot afford the maintenance on your relationship, it is better not to commit to the relationship.

There are two key questions to consider when thinking of relationship maintenance: (1) Is the problem causing the maintenance a chronic issue? (2) Do you have the spiritual strength, mental energy, and emotional capital to deal with the problem?

If you know you do not want to continue spending emotional capital to fix an unending issue, then be honest with yourself and end the relationship before it gets really serious. You don’t want to put yourself in a situation where you get bitter because things don’t get better.

Example: When Samantha realized she could not handle Blake’s addiction, she decided to call it quits though she cared for him deeply.

Allow Someone You Trust to Evaluate Your Relationship

When in the throes of emotional energy in a relationship, we tend to magnify the positives and minimize the negatives. I can’t illustrate this point any better than my friend did a few weeks ago. He said to me “When I first got married, I wondered why I did not marry her sooner. Now I wonder why I married her at all.”

Before you commit to marriage, do yourself a favor and invite a wise objective person to speak into your life. Be sure to tell them the good, the bad, and the ugly. Also, be honest with yourself and let them know what you can handle and what you can’t handle. Then open your heart to receive what this person has to say and truly consider it.

This is like inviting an expert mechanic to see if this car you want to buy is a right for you.

Example: Kim and Tyler went to a counsellor with an open mind to get his take on their relationship. After four sessions, they realized they still had a lot of work today. So, they decided to put their engagement on hold and work through the resources the counsellor gave them. Because they put in the work, they now have a successful marriage.

It is better to wait and get it right, than rush in and get it wrong

Do not awaken love until the time is right — King Solomon

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A Love Letter to Christian Men Who Desire A Thriving Marriage

couple-hand-in-hand_925x_08866aab-9de4-43bb-b21e-d4418aea3ca3_1024x1024[1]Dear Christian Men,

God, without a doubt, outdid Himself when He made her. Eve, my wife to be left me breathless when I saw her. When I finally caught my breath, the first words out of my mouth were ‘wow…man’. So, I dropped the ‘w’ and called her ‘woman’ as a tribute. I was love drunk and I knew it. So did she.

I remember our early days fondly. They were absolutely wonderful!

But those days did not last. The wonder went by the wayside the day we both decided to disobey God. I will never forget that day. It was the day I rejected responsibility, abdicated spiritual leadership, and threw my wife under the bus — blaming her for my disobedience to God. In that moment, I completely neglected the fact that I had my own free will and chose to eat the fruit.

Why disobey God and eat that fruit you ask? First, the fruit looked really good and appetizing. Second, I knew she desired the fruit too. So, I thought why not! I convinced myself that not only was I going to please my wife, it would also help move us towards our goal of becoming one. I reasoned to myself that God wouldn’t mind us disobeying his word. I reasoned it was better for my wife and I to agree with each other and disagree with God THAN to disagree with each other and agree with God.

The most dangerous excuses are the ones we consider good excuses

What is that popular saying people have today? Ahh yes…“Happy wife, Happy life”. It didn’t quite work that way for me. When I ate the fruit, Eve was happy that I had listened to her. But that happiness quickly faded away. It did not take us long to realize we had opened up Pandora’s box of relationship problems that made our lives miserable.

After experiencing marital heaven in the early days, our new normal seemed like marital hell. Suddenly, we started pointing fingers at each other and started to argue a lot. We no longer fully trusted each other and started to compete with each other. So, instead of getting us closer to each other, eating the fruit ended up separating us.

Disobedience feels good for some time and then proceeds to hurt for a lifetime

I thank God that Eve and I were both committed to each other though. As time passed, we both realized that blaming each other and pointing at each other’s faults was pointless. We had to let go of the past in order to move forward. So we did. We moved forward with a new attitude and mindset.

We came to realize that a marriage is a threesome that involves God (He is the glue). A marriage is not about what you can gain but what you can give. The primary reason behind marriage is not happiness but fulfilling the purpose of God (happiness is a byproduct). The purpose of marriage is to refine and perfect us – therefore any pain of refinement is worth the shine in the end.

With this, we embraced the process of God’s refinement and also decided not to spend a moment longer in the fire than was necessary. In practice, we stopped debating whether to believe God or not. We realized He is infinitely wiser than we would ever be and so submitted to His lordship.

My Relationship Lessons

1. Do not sacrifice permanent joy for temporary gratification

2. God knows what is best for your relationship — trust the boundaries He sets for you

3. You have to let go of the past in order to move forward

4. Your commitment to your partner will determine whether your relationship survives

5. Your commitment to God will determine whether your relationship more than survives. It determines whether your relationship thrives

Sincerely,

Adam

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I know I am Not Getting Married On My Wedding Day

couple-hand-in-hand_925x_08866aab-9de4-43bb-b21e-d4418aea3ca3_1024x1024[1]I know it’s going to be beautiful. I know it’s going to be emotional. And I know it’s going to be memorable. Though many things will happen that day, I know one thing that won’t happen. I know that I won’t be married!

When I met my soon to be wife, we started the process of getting close to one another. After we got close to one another, we decided that we should be joined (wedded) together.

When we become wedded together in a few weeks, we will then begin the process of becoming one.

Aha moment: Marriage is a process, not an event. The wedding (joining together) event kickstarts the marriage (oneness) process.

I did not really consider that I wasn’t getting married on my wedding day until I paid close attention to a very popular saying during weddings.

“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh” – Genesis 2:24

If you read carefully, you will see that it talks of the joining (wedding) and then speaks of the oneness (marriage). It says that “they shall become”. The “shall” in the passage points to something that will happen in the future. Not something that has already happened.

This is how I know that the word ‘shall’ is not being used to denote spiritual oneness, which happens instantly. First, Genesis 2:24 is used in reference to Adam and Even before the fall. This means they were already spiritually one with God and spiritually yoked to one another. Spiritual separation happened only after the fall. Second, the passage specifies that it is talking about the flesh (the part we use to interact with the world).

In its more robust definition, one flesh refers to oneness in mind and body. It is this oneness of mind and body that the devil tested in the garden of Eden. As it so happened, Adam and Eve were not quite one yet in the flesh, and had not surrendered their flesh quite yet to the leadership of the spirit.

With this in mind, I started to view the process of getting married as being similar to the nuclear fusion process. It takes considerable binding energy (work) for the two individual atoms to come together — releasing surplus energy in the process. Likewise, for my wife and I to become fully one, I know we need to focus our energy on overcoming our “self-ish” tendencies. In the process, a lot of heat will be released as we do away with those things that add no value to our union — things such as our selfishness and our desire to be right.

Aha moment: The marriage process is designed to help us get rid of those undesirable traits in our lives.

I know that I will forever be changed through the process of marriage. Though I will still be present, I will have changed. I will be a different man. I will have become refined. A better man. So I embrace the process of marriage, knowing that the benefit in the end is worth the work. I choose to do the work. I will not settle for being joined to my wife in wedlock without becoming married to her. No! I will continue to press in and pursue a greater degree of closeness.

Aha moment: If we work on our marriage, our marriages will work.

After two atoms fuse together, the struggle is over. Maybe this is the reason so many unions struggle and fail. Maybe it is because the two have not fused into one in marriage.

I do not want to experience the same heartache. And I do not want a relationship that just survives. I want a marriage that thrives. Therefore, I choose to get married after my wedding.

What about you? Are you settling on a wedding or are you working on your marriage?

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Disappointments In Relationships – What To Know Before You End It

The truth is we live in a fallen world filled with flawed people. As such, in this life, it is not a matter of if we will deal with disappointments, it is a matter of when we will deal with them.

The truth is everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for – Bob Marley

A dire but commonly employed strategy for dealing with disappointment (especially in a relationship) is to try to avoid being disappointed in the future at all cost. This strategy calls for the tactics of putting massive walls around our hearts, looking for perfection, being overly sensitive and critical of mistakes, and withholding intimacy. These tactics so distance us mentally and emotionally from relationships, that we sacrifice real love and connection for the illusion of safety. The problem with this strategy for the person that employs it is that (1) it leaves a gaping hole in their heart and (2) it does not take away the relational desire. It is not unusual for a person who has employed this strategy to be plagued by bouts of melancholy and depression because they have starved themselves of one of the human basic needs – the need for a close relationship. I do not recommend this strategy but prefer the one of offering our disappointments to God that He may turn our hurt and pain into gain and glory.

We should neither set ourselves up for disappointments, nor try to avoid them – Anonymous

While there is an element of not setting ourselves up for constant disappointments by choosing our partners carefully, there is another element of expectations we must be careful to manage. Below are two expectations that set us up for disappointments.

Expecting Our Partners to Be Perfect

Born out of selfishness (for the person who expects perfection is themselves not perfect), this expectation looks to gain more than it gives in the relationship, and expects from the other person what they cannot give.  Asking someone for something they do not have the ability to give is a sure strategy to be disappointed.

Instead of expecting perfection, we are better off accepting their imperfection, just as we accept our own.

Expecting To Change Our Partners 

Born out of arrogance (for we try to do only what God can do), this expectation encourages the would be changer to alter the environment of their relationship to effect a change in their partner. Though it may start off lovingly, it usually reeks of manipulation, and will likely end up in frustration and disappointment for the one who engages in it.

Instead of trying to change our partners, we are better of praying to God that our hearts change towards our partners as He effects His change in His time on both us and our partners.

Disappointments are inevitable but discouragement in a choice – Charles Stanley

We tend to get discouraged when we think that things will not change. The thought that things will not change is what leads us to want to give up. It is what has led many people to divorce their partners or end relationships prematurely.

To think that things will never change is to limit the power of God. The root of this line of thinking is unbelief for it truly does not believe that with God all things are possible. Choose to think differently. Before pulling a plug on your relationship, consider these three things:

God Will Finish What He Started

And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns – Philippians 1:6

God is not done with our relationships yet. His heart is that relationships not only survive, but that they thrive. We must submit ourselves to Him so that He can finish the good work He has begun in us. As His hands mark our lives, so will it mark our relationships. It is a process – we must let God do His good work. Things will not always be the same in Him.

God Can Create A New Relationship With the Same People

But forget all that—it is nothing compared to what I am going to do. For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland  – Isaiah 43:18-19

While people say “well if I tell you what happened”, God says “well if I tell you what I am about to make happen”. See if we knew the future God has planned for us, the past would not discourage us. Our plans compared to God’s plans are rubbish. It’s time to surrender our plans over to Him so He can create rivers of life giving water to sustain the relationships that have become dry wastelands

God Brings To Pass What We Commit To Him

That is why I am suffering here in prison. But I am not ashamed of it, for I know the one in whom I trust, and I am sure that he is able to guard what I have entrusted to him until the day of His return – 2 Timothy 1:12

Though you may feel you are suffering and serving a prison term in your relationship right now, understand that He is able to guard everything you entrust to Him. So entrust your relationship to Him and watch as He keeps it and guards it. With God as the guard, no enemy can penetrate. So let go of it and release it into His hands for safeguard. You will not regret it.

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3 Things You Must Do to Hear God More

Do you have a desire to hear God more often and on all issues that relates to your life? If so, there are 3 things you must do; these 3 things are embedded within the scripture below.

Whoever loves instruction loves knowledge, but he who hates correction is stupid – Proverbs 12:1

  

(1) Study God’s Word: Another way to say ‘whoever loves instruction loves knowledge’ is to say that knowledge is the pre-requisite to instruction. Put another way, if we want to be instructed by the Holy Spirit (hear from the Holy Spirit), then we first need to have knowledge of the words of the Holy Spirit which have already been given to us in written form (see 2 Timothy 3:16).

All Scripture is God-breathed (inspired by the Holy Spirit) and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness – 2 Timothy 3:16

If we do not know what the Holy Spirit has already written down, then we will not be cognizant of what He is telling us. In other words, the pre-requisite to hearing the spoken or revealed word of God (Rhema) is to first know the written word (Logos). Indeed, theology (the study of God which leads to knowledge about God) is a must if we are to have a strong fellowship (of which instruction is a part) with God.

Note that theology is not a pre-requisite to having a relationship with God but it is required to build a relationship (have fellowship) with God. To have a covenant relationship with God (Salvation) only requires that we have an encounter with God. To explain further, consider Apostle Paul: His encounter with God on the way to Damascus lead to his conversion (salvation), but instruction and direction only came as he walked closely with God (as he fellowshipped or built a relationship with God).

Now, it must be said that the study of God’s word does NOT automatically translate into instruction from God. Consider the Pharisees who were extremely knowledgeable in the word of God and could quote the law backwards and forwards, yet did not hear from God (as they were not instructed by Him). Why did they not hear God though they were theological juggernauts? It is because of they hated correction (see the other half of Proverbs 12:1).

See, the instruction of God corrects us (our ways, our path, our steps). Thus to hate correction is to despise the instruction of God. Two things that causes us to hate correction and so not hear the voice of God are pride and hurt.

(2) Get Rid of Pride: Pride says ‘I got this’, ‘I don’t need any help’, ‘I am smarter than everyone else’, ‘It’s my way or the highway’. Moreover, pride says to God, ‘I know you know all sorts of things but I know better than You in this situation’.

If we consider what pride says to God, a question that should pop into our heads is this: Why would anyone say to an all-knowing God that He does not know what is best, right, and what will work in any situation?

The answer to that question is a lack of trust. Pride appears where there is no trust. A place devoid of trust is a place of insecurity. A place where we do not feel secure is a place where we feel the need to exercise control. A place where we feel the need to exercise control to protect ourselves is a place where fear exists.

By this, we see that fear and insecurities lead to pride. Pride in turn causes us to reject the correction of the Holy Spirit, and thereby leads us to make unwise decisions. In other words, if we do not trust God in an area of our life, then we are less inclined to listen to God in that area of our life.

(3) Submit Your Wounds to God: One thing that people who get badly hurt in life tend to do without realizing it is make a vow NEVER to get badly hurt again. While this sometimes unknown vow has the appearance of protecting us, what it actually does is lock our subconscious mind in the room where the hurt sleeps and then throws away the key! What this means is that it is no longer us that controls our relationships on a subconscious level, but our hurt.

Our hurt reminds us to NEVER put ourselves in any position to be wounded again. Our hurt tells us to ‘trust no one’, ‘keep people at an arms length’, always follow your gut (which is not a bad thing normally except that now your gut has been held hostage by fear and hurt), ‘do not open the door of your heart to anyone’, ‘you know what is best for you (instead of God knows what is best for you)’. In other words, deeply hurt people have a need to be right.

Deeply wounded people attach their worth to being right because being wrong (about a person or situation) is associated with unbearable and overwhelming pain. The problem with this is that a person who HAS to be right cannot bear to be corrected, for any such correction is a direct assault on their worth. Moreover, to accept that someone else may be right is to open themselves up to potential hurt (even if God is speaking through that someone). Thus, a wounded person in any situation or relationship has a tendency to fixate on what’s wrong – this is a defensive/protective mechanism.

While we understand why the hurting person cannot stand to be corrected (something they see as manipulation), this does no good since each and every one of us NEED to be corrected, for no one is perfect and no one knows it all. By refusing to accept correction, the wounded person makes mistakes with people (for they cannot truly relate to them); the mistakes make the hurt and wound bigger; the bigger hurts shuts the person in more, and the ‘has to be right’ cycle repeats. It is this need to be right that causes the wounded person to listen less and less to the voice of God, and by so doing experience even more hurt. What a tragedy!

Conclusion: If you see yourself in the above, then your homework is to find and mediate on scriptures that deal with (1) how much God loves you, and  (2) your identity in Christ. This will allow you to surrender your pride and hurt to the one who loves you and will never hurt you. If you would like to know more about dealing with fear, you can check out my book Love Deficit.

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What Makes a Woman Want to Submit to Her Husband?

I had the pleasure of attending two wonderful weddings in the past 30 days – one in the U.S and another in the U.K. On both occasions, the minister in charge made mention of the scripture where husbands are to love their wives and wives are to submit to their husband (Ephesians 5:22 – 28).

Being good sports, both couples took the advice and everything went as planned. Yet it was clear by looking at the expressions of quite a number of the ladies in the congregation that the statement had gone in one ear and come out of the other. From my conversations, it is clear to me that a substantial number of women toil with the issue of submitting to their husband. And should they somehow wrap their heads around it, it is nigh impossible for them to fully wrap their hearts around it.

What it Means To Submit

When the bible tells a woman to submit to her husband, it does NOT mean that the woman is to be a slave to every one of her husbands whim and wham. The word ‘submit’ itself is a complex word that can be broken down into two components: ‘Sub’ which means under AND mission. In other words, for a woman to submit to her husband is for her to come under the mission of her husband.

304px-light_bulb_icon_tips-svgLight-bulb moment: For a wife to submit to her husband is for her to come under her husband’s mission

What is the Husband’s Mission?

Now before any man goes ‘yeah that’s right, God said my wife must come under my mission’, God in His providence does not leave what the mission of the husband is to chance. He tells the man  his mission is similar to the mission of Jesus Christ.

What was Jesus’ mission? His mission was to love His bride (the church) by giving His life for her (putting down His crown and taking a lower position to the point of laying down his life) in order to marry Himself to her so that He might provide spiritual leadership over her ( that is to cleanse and sanctify her by the washing of water by the word) that she might become what she was predestined to become (holy and without blemish).

So what is the Husbands mission? Once the Husband and wife are wed (for that is the only way he becomes a husband), his mission is to marry (join) himself to his wife in love by taking the position of a servant leader who provides spiritual oversight over his household for the express purpose of propelling her to be all that she was to made to become. It is not about him. It is about her!

304px-light_bulb_icon_tips-svgLight-bulb moment: First comes the wedding, then comes the marriage.

304px-light_bulb_icon_tips-svgLight-bulb moment: For a wife to submit to her husband is for the wife to come under her husband’s God-given mission, which is to be a servant leader and provide spiritual oversight for the purpose of having her become all that she was meant to be and for her to fulfill her destiny.

304px-light_bulb_icon_tips-svgLight-bulb moment: When a man is truly on mission, a woman starts to gravitate towards that most noble mission and desires to come under it (if she loves herself).

What About When He is Not on Mission

A wife is told to come under her husband’s mission, she is NOT told to come under her husbands omission (mission that has been omitted or aborted). Whenever the husband is operating outside of the mission God has prescribed to him, he is no longer under mission but rather he is under omission.

It is like when the prophet Jonah went to Tarshish instead of Nineveh – Instead of being on mission, Jonah was on omission. Now if Jonah had made some missteps while on mission, this is different from going the opposite way. Similarly, a wife is to come under the mission of her husband and must learn to forgive some of his missteps along the way ( for he is not perfect) just as he forgives her for not always coming under his mission (for she is not perfect).

304px-light_bulb_icon_tips-svgLight-bulb moment: If Christ’s mission was not good and profitable for us, no one would submit to it. No one would have faith in Him. The same goes for the husband. If his mission is not good; if he is walking in omission, then no woman will willingly submit to Him.

Pitfalls of NOT Loving and Submitting

Failure of a Husband to Love: It is interesting to note that the Fall took place because Adam did not provide spiritual oversight for Eve. If he had provided such oversight, he would have intervened the moment Eve accepted the fruit of the knowledge of good and evil from the serpent. He would have snatched the fruit and said “Now wait a minute, God said we are not to eat from this tree. We are out of here! And don’t let me see you talking to my wife again serpent, lest I lay hands on you.”

Note: At this point Adam had dominion over everything – including the serpent. He could have easily dismissed the serpent but he decided to surrender his leadership and oversight. The result is that he and the rest of his offspring suffered.

304px-light_bulb_icon_tips-svgLight-bulb moment: When a husband does not follow his mission, he hurts himself and his family

Failure of Wife to Submit: There is no better example of a wife not coming under the mission of her loving husband than this: We who are the bride of Christ (the church) do not always listen and obey Christ (our Husband) though everything He does for us and wants for us is good. See, God has wed himself to us (the church) yet he is trying to get us to come under His mission (submit) by faith so that we may experience the fullness of His love. When we do not come under God’s mission, we hurt ourselves.

304px-light_bulb_icon_tips-svgLight-bulb moment: When a woman does not come under the mission of her loving Husband, she hurts herself.

Hence we see that the only way to avoid real hurt in a marriage is for the husband to love his wife and for his wife to submit to her husband. It is truly a symbiotic and life-giving relationship.

Food for Thought: The marriage compromise is that the husband surrenders to love his wife (instead of loving himself and preserving his own life) and that the wife in turn surrenders to come under her husband’s mission (instead of walking in her own mission).

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Do You Believe In GOD?

 

 

Do You Believe in God

Do you believe in God? If you do not, you should! If you do, then you believe in faith! There is no greater story to be told than the story of the faith of Jesus. Jesus is our example of what is possible when a man places his faith completely in God. Such a man who is wholly surrendered to purpose will be able to believe the unbelievable and achieve the impossible. Truly, Jesus was only able to achieve the impossible of conquering death by first believing the unbelievable truth that God was able to raise Him up from the grave. This tells me that the impact of our lives will ultimately boil down to how we answer the question, how much do we believe in God?

While education, charisma, status, and wealth can produce great results, those results pale in comparison with what the right kind of believing can produce. Think about it. The most recognizable and most famous name on the earth is that of a carpenter who was born in the trough of a stable a little over 2000 years ago. How is that even possible? While it makes no sense in the eyes of man, it makes all the sense in the world in the eyes of faith. What about Mother Teresa? How did a nun out of the obscure country of Albania ever achieve so much good in the world? How was she able to help millions of orphans and starving children? How was she able to die a billionaire? How did this woman, of all women become a world icon? It is because she dared to believe in God and decided to move in the purpose to which He called her. Do you believe in God now?

Do you believe in God?

The story of faith is the story of victory and success. This is what Jesus knew – He knew faith was victory. He had read about how Moses delivered the children of Israel out of Egypt by faith, how Gideon defeated the Midianites by faith, and how Esther saved her people by faith. He knew that no matter how daunting the path of faith, the end result of it is always incredible victory. Jesus was so filled with the assurance of victory in the Father that He was willing to walk the road of death (see Hebrews 12:2).

Faith is the great equalizer. Faith does not care about your history, qualifications, or resources. Faith only cares about what we believe and in whom we believe! So do you believe in God?

The story of Gideon clearly shows us the power that is available in faith. Faith turned Gideon from a coward into a commander of the army of God. It turned a man who was so filled with fear that he would only go carry out the will of God at night, into a man who was so filled with courage that he chose to face an army of 135,000 with only 300 men!

Absolutely nothing is impossible by faith! When you truly understand and internalize this is when everything in your life will change. It is then you will no longer have to spend your whole life trying to accomplish things in your own power. Rather, you will spend your time believing right, so that the power of God may be released in your life.

There is No Victory Without Faith! Do you believe in God?

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Love Deficit

41hRKhTijSLThe only way to win in life is to win in love.

Unfortunately, too many of us have become complacent in our pursuit of love and so have allowed our fears to make us settle for less than God’s desire for us.

LOVE DEFICIT reveals the folly of fear and how crucial it is that we develop a heart of love if we are to experience victory in our lives.

If victorious is a word you would not use to describe your life, then you need to read LOVE DEFICIT.

It can help you understand what is hindering you from taking possession of the blessings that God has already made available to you.

It can unleash the power of love in your life so you no longer have to live in defeat and torment.

Available on Amazon, Barnes and Nobles and more

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